Day 34.
This reminds me of the movie I AM LEGEND or one of those survival apocalypse movies, ticking off the days passed. I wake up each day like I’m in a horror movie wondering when it will end, what evil will befall, and yet still trying to have a samblance of life as we know it.
I wish I can say today I find water or I find some canfood or a candle of hope. I am the only one left in the world, playing golf on the aircraft carrier like Will Smith did. What will today bring?
Sometimes I stopped writing because each day is like the day before. I only live to die again the next day.
Why am I so dismal? In each survival movie there is an indomitable will to survive inspite of the circumstances.
I do feel I’m in low spirit and these are the days I have to pull myself up by my shoestring and step out the door.
Running helps. Literally, it got me out of my house. I feel life is more and more just one long giant race. I know in literature life is described as such, but I am able to relate to it more so now.
In a marathon, I am running and running, like the last one I did and the end seemed so far away. There were so many more miles to go and I was not even halfway when despair hit me. But with a marathon no matter how tired I am, I know exactly where I am at, and how long it would take me to get to the finish line, and I could keep myself busy of counting my breath, my time, my stride. Not so with life. Life, the finish line is death and that could be the next moment or it could be years/decades down the road. Who really know their finishing line.
I would be running at a different pace for a different distance. I wonder what kind of distance I am running in life.
I try to run as fast as I can. I guess I am kind of winded by life at the moment not sure if it because I am running too fast or too slow. Maybe life is opposite of running — the slower I run the more exhausted I get. Maybe that is the reason I want to try the next best thing. I don’t want to stand still.
My running season is about to end for this year. One more week to go before my last race. Then I will have a lot of time on my hand, until the next one, which is like 4-5 months away. Then the whole thing start, all the training etc.
I think though running a marathon is relatively easy, now I have done 6 of them. The distance is long, but time passes by as you keep on running and eventually the finish line is in sight. I feel confident when I am near the finish line, because even if I have to walk, I know I would finish the race. Luckily for me, I have never have to quit halfway.
I don’t know. Life is not simple. I wish all I could do is to eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.
In awe 