Day400 last review of 2020? (and into 21.1)

I have been waiting for this day forever. Readers as you might notice the pattern that I have slow down my posting. It was a bit intentional on my part. I have been soft inting.

I have mentioned many posts ago maybe around November that I was tilting… It became a hard tilt. I messed up big time. (gamer term). It might be even gg. (game over)

I didn’t have much interest in running since. I usually only blog when I run — that just what I do. I find lot of energy and passion when I run, but when I don’t run my creativity is just not there. I stopped running that much for the last three or four weeks, so fewer blogs were posted. It was a hard tilt I am telling you. (gamer term)

So here it is Day 400: A summary/highlight of the past 50+ days.

You can check Day 350 for comparison. (love the search function and finally my day numbering is able to pull up the entry fast instead of scrolling to it).

See my Day 396 for the review of the year. I will try to avoid doing the same thing. Same for the Top 10 pop-offs. If you have been following, there is not much new here.

There were a lot going on as well as also not much going on. So ya hard to explain. I don’t write much about my down time. Winter is my down time because I am too lazy to run in the cold.

Let focus on what I was hyped first. The biggest run I did was the Seneca/Stone Mill run. This has been mentioned in a few posts already. Looking back, it was not that scary at all. Fifty-miles is still a lot with Stone Mill being my second attempt at 50 but it came out to be a piece of cake. I was freaking out before the race, feeling I was under-prepared and was stressing about the hills and all. I only specifically trained for it the two/three weeks leading up. However, I ended the race feeling pretty strong. There were a bit of “weak” or low points during the event, but my strength came back every time. I saw people left and right were peeling away after the first 20 miler…but I kept getting a second wind and a third to out sustained them. The race was safely in the bag. Hey, I was not first or second or anywhere near the front pack, but I felt I won the race. It was just an awesome experience. Yo man, I wish I could run like that all the time.

The next race after was the Devil Dog. I was hyped to be able to get an entry. It is one of highly sought after in our area. DC area does not have ultras. This one is it besides Seneca. This year they limited the number of participants. But I got myself an entry. It was just a 50k, but I might say, this was harder than Stone Mill. I enjoyed the challenge. There was grit and all the grind to get the race to the finish. I highly recommend this for those who love slugging it out. This was the race. Their real distance is a 100 miler, so some day I got to attempt the real thing, but the 50k gave me a feel for it the Devil Dog it was.

Gettysburg was a fun one. A marathon. I think was the only fall marathon I did. It was short, fun, picturesque. I went up to Pennsylvania one early chilly morning to do it. Duh, the famous Gettysburg. I did not have much memory of the event. It was small, peaceful, and a successful run. I love running marathons. This was one of them. I have done so many, so this one was one of the low-keys (not that it was not good, but I had so many super good ones, and a normal marathon seems to be normal-boring and does not stand out). It might be the last ever because the race organizer told us they won’t be able to get the permit for us to run in the national park any more (I think also neighbors didn’t like us running on their roads too). That is the rule for most/all national parks, i.e, no organized sport event. So I kind of feel fortunate to be able to have done it. Last time of running through the hallow ground. They said they will try to still have the race next year but without going through the park. I still would recommend people to do it.

I also had many spectacular personal runs besides races. Signal Knob was one. I ran on Bull Run Trail. And Waterfall Mountain. Spent many weekends on the Senecca Trail. You guys just have to go back to read them. I am kind of lazy in linking them or to tell you why they were great. I think they were memorable because they had to do with slugging it out. A run might seem super hard at first, but in the end, I did it. Overcame!

I did some group runs with the Virginia Happy Trail people (VDM1/VDM2). Rock N the Knob was good too. Well that was a race. It had the social vibe. As well as hard. I love hard runs.

All these might not make any sense now to me since there was a big gap in time. I tried to think of I had learned, maybe something profound in this period, such as did I grow in my running?

Runners struggle too. I try to think what motivate us to get out on a cold and nasty day to run? And usually by ourselves for a long extended time. Sometimes when everything click it does not need that much motivation at all. But there were times even when the weather is pleasant, I can’t seem to push myself out of the door.

I call that the big tilt of 2020. I seem to gloss over what went wrong. One was after getting a speeding ticket, I didn’t want to drive out to the country side any more. I felt I was being (unfairly) picked on and there was just a fear it would happen again. This fall I had switched from running on the road to running on trails, and when the trail was not available, there was very little incentive for me to run. I have been staying in the last 3-4 weeks.

A Second problem I had was with time management. If you want to do something you had to do it quick and early or else other things would be unendingly get in the way.

And if you want to do something, you have to do one thing a day and only one thing. This should be my philosophy.

However, I started sliding when I tell myself there is still much time left in the day. Yet time flies! I felt cheated each time I look at the watch and it shows like 5 minutes to the hour. Reason is my mind divides the hour into 100 units instead of 60. However, 50 minutes is not halfway, however, my brain thinks 50 is halfway. Before I knew it, hours go by and daylight becomes night and when it is dark outside I don’t feel like running. We only have about 8 hours of daylight. My mind always think we have 24 hours or at least 12. Noo, only usually got 8. And useable hours is usually only 2 or 3 hours “personal time”. So unless I run, those hours can easily disappear, Even on weekends! No especially on the weekend. Don’t you feel weekends are always so packed?

Hence, only should try to do one thing and one thing only. And Start early! TL;DR

Also, usually by the time it gets dark, I also get hungry. By the time I cook, and eat and clean up, it would be time for bed. Every day I went through that same cycle and was unable to get myself out the door for a run. A big tilt! Yes, if I have a schedule,…, and follow…, then I wouldn’t waste time. Still I think motivation has something to do with it. A bog word but very hard to pin down. Where is my motivation?

I have been seeking that passion to re-ignite the flame in me. So that once I run, I don’t ever want to stop. I know I have it, but hard to bring it to the table sometimes.

Outake? My Raccoon 100 is coming up in a few weeks. Yes I need to get hype up and so do my prep.

Hope this post isn’t too long. Next post (Day 450) will be about the raccoon race and where I’ll go from there. Maybe more on motivation stuff. Until then PIZZAA (peace-z-out)

p.s. see, it is Saturday here my time, but instead of writing what I’ll be doing today as I usually would, I was reflecting…see more tilting on the way


Day399 Flex

those who served, vienna Fairfax

Not trying to make any statement…just something I saw on my run

Why is the flag flown at half staff? anyone? Is it because of last week? “insurrection?”

Short blog today… my sister said my blog is always too long.

Learned a new web thing today. TL;DR

I thought it was a typo people put on their blog. I used to code in html right, and I thought sometimes the code accidentally got leak to the page.

Oh, it means don’t read any further (Too long don’t/didn’t read)

Got a new pair of shoes…hope to try them this weekend. to break them in

Brooks…Cascadia – Black with orange strips

Meta: yes another filler post



This won’t be a full blog, just some thoughts.

I was looking into microblogging but not the popular ones.

I joined discord last year, when I wanted to listen a live stream of a translator of a web novel I was following. It is a cool piece of software.

I thought it was an open souce. I am a big friend of linux and stuff where anybody can come and code. Sadly it is not. It is the next big thing though. If the company goes public, I might invest in it. Keep an eye on this.

Anyway, discord is an amazing concept. It is a bridge between a traditional social media and the “new” easier, voice chat.

I was looking something like that but is open source. I didn’t find anything close.

I used to use identica before it changed to pump. It is still available but that seems to be dying.

I was not a big friend of diaspora. I installed that before but couldn’t keep that running. Also that project seems to be at a deadend.

Friendica looks ugly and I never really fall in love with it.

I just found mastodon. This seems to be viable.

I am not too into irc, so discord is not my thing. Microblogging, I am warming up to the idea. Mastodon seems to be my thing… I just need a server to run it.

Somewhat relating. I used to use ikiwiki to blog. Oh how time has changed.

why this post? A filler 🙂 I need to get to Day400


Day396 looking back

It is a new year and some years I really looked forward to doing New Year Resolutions but the last couple years I have been lazy/avoiding them.

Maybe because it is facing the reality that they are so hard to do! There are easy stuffs but then there are impossible dreams I want and well they end up being impossible.

2019 was the year I acually sat down and wrote out a bit of resolutions and I have on and off referred back to them last year. I might have grown out of them this year.

Not in any particular order. About eating well…I finally stopped eating out much. I used to ate out 2/3 times of all my meal (yes even breakfast sometimes). Now it is usually only once meal a week. I could do better. Not about eating out, but about my choices. I am still eating a lot of processed food. I need to get on fresh fruits/vegetable diet. 2019 was the year I had high cholesterol count in my body. It is probably still high. (I avoided having a physical last year, but can I deny the reality this year?) This is proven to lead to an early death from cardio-pulmonary disease unless I do something about it. I am considered the high risk population with family history of this disease. I refused to go on medication at the time. I said I had to look into it, such as rhe risk of medication side effects (liver damage) versus risk of the disease. The brief medical survey I did, then to favor medication path. Well two years now, I think I need to make a decision soon.

I was led to thinking about this after coming across statistics on mortality. Life expectancy is 78 for people in the US. Men are a few years lower and women are a few years higher.

Retirement age is between 65-67. Some are retiring a few years earlier. I am still have quite to go before retirement. However, time flows fast. I was just thinking a few years ago I started running. How many more years can I do it. I have been filling up my schedule for next couple years with races. Of course I hope to run all fifty states in the US. I have done 7 so far.

I am rushing to reach my life goal before I am weaken. Sure there are people who are still physically strong into their 50s and 60s. I hope I will still be strong but I am a person who don’t count my chickens before they hatch. I am trying to do as much as I can while I still have the strength.

One of my resolutions in 2019 was to buy a bike. At this moment in life, I can finally could afford one. Money has been tight for the last two years. Spending money on a “good” bike was out of the question. I was at the lowest fund at beginning of 2020 and now I have more than I ever had. Sure I could afford a bike or two. Getting a new bike is no longer the priority. With more money saved, means more new goals.

I wanted to go on a trip this year, like some where far, like Sydney. This is not new per se but now it it moved from impossible to possible. I was there in Sydney maybe 10 years ago. Amazing how time has flied. I wanted to go back this time to run a marathon. Sydney is not the only place. I wrote about Ireland/Vietnam/Hong Kong too are my list of choices. Doing all is impossible but to do one is very likely. Not this year though (my race schedule is nearly full). Winter Olympic in China is not too far away on the horizon (not to run but to see). I might go there. I haven’t finalized the plan yet. These are just ideas.

On my bucket list is to do the Rim-to-rim-to-rim (R2R2R) of the Grand Canyon. I visited this place back in 2018 and 2019. This morning I looked at it again and finally it is feasible. In 2019 it was a dream at the time. The trail across and back is only 50 miles. I can do it in a day, not a problem after I ran multiple 50 milers. I plan to see if I can get two or three other people in doing this with me either next year or the year after. Yes, I am no longer fearful of running a 50 miler.

Friends. I made couple friends along the way in 2019 and 2020. I am not a popular person. I mostly kept to myself. But 2020 has been great. Friendship happened in accident. In school and work too right, you do social mixers and all, but mostly friendship or people met are usually on a superficial level. It is quite hard to met good friends. I don’t even know how to think about this…people without other agendas. I love my running friends. Given I am a runner, hence running friends, but that is not always true. Runners too have their own what-evers. I mentioned a few races I did – how in our areas people are usually quiet, possibly from their position in the government, that they are not too forthcoming in mixing with people or as friendly. I considered blessed to have couple of good friends made in 2020.

Lastly, camping/outdoor trips. I didn’t fare much. I did in 2019 and 2020 went to camping at least once by myself. 2020 was not a legit camping trip because I slept inside my truck (Wild Oak trip) – was too tired to hike to site to camp after a 50+ miles run. I consider this goal unmet. I did planned couple trips by myself – the WTF trip and the Bull Run Occoquan trip. I enjoyed it. They were challenging. I wrote about it in couple entries back.

For 2021 I haven’t set any resolution yet. It is likely a redo of 2020. Most of my runs are redos, that is, instead of virtual runs I hope to run in-person races. But if I think of any resolution, I will write them down, so 2021 won’t be a lost year. Boys we are going to run it back! Yes one resolution is definitely camping – say go to West Virginia and camp. Worlds End trip is a high possibility too.

There will be another looking back entry once I reach Day 400, whether it will be in a few days or in a week, we will see.

hikes life

Day393 Waterfall mountain

I finally made it to the Waterfall mountain, a place I mentioned a few weeks back (WTF). It was really a WTF WTH kind of trip.

Actually this Christmas break, I got to do two of trails I wanted to do after what seemed to be a long break. One was the Waterfall mountain (WTF) and the other was the Bull Run Occoquan trail.

I ran the Bull Run Occoquan last weekend. It took me longer to do it than I thought. I intended to run 31-ish mile (50k) on it, but in the end, I didn’t make it to even halfway, Maybe like 7 miles before turning around. The trail was mostly flat and muddy with only redeeming feature was some hills near Hemlock Overlook. Going to Hemlock Overlook brought back childhood memory. It was a special fieldtrip where you can do some rope work (tree climbing/zip line etc) and team building challenges. I enjoyed to have a “real” trail so close to home. I should have or I might have written about my adventure. Anyway, I don’t remember.

Waterfall Mountain was my this week adventure. I might have been there before for a camping trip. It is in or part of the Massanutten Mountain. Massanutten is always muddy and wet. But the cold weather made the trail slick. Waterfall Mountain was dry though. I didn’t see any waterfall. It could be that the trail went around the mountain rather than climbing it.

It is also a 50K course, but I only did half of it due to a later start and also the weather being below freezing, and also my physical fitness seemed to be lacking, and plus my thought was in another place.

I had a bad day that day. As I was heading to the trail I was pulled over by the police for speeding of 17 miles over the limit. I was angry about it because I pretty sure I didn’t speed (I kept within 5 miles over is the most I ever do). I had my eyes on the spedometer the whole time. Also I saw the police tailing me for about two miles before I was being pulled over. Then I was pulled over and the officer told me he did it because I was speeding. No I did not argue with him. He seemed to be angry at me, at least that was my impression. Anyway, that made my day. He asked why I was going so fast and where I was heading and if the car belong to me. I think he got the wrong person. Anyway, I got a speeding ticket.

I got to the trailhead. It was a big lot but only two cars were there because it was a very cold day to be out hiking. The temperature was 24F. It stayed pretty much there and might have gotten up to 30 by late afternoon. I was freezing most of the time (I took off one of my shirt – when running it would be just right, but while walking, I would be freezing, and I did not want to put on and put off my shirt all the time, so I preferred being cold).

But I had to do it. It has been a while since I was on a real trail. I love trails. This year, we did not go camping, at least I did not. I have meant to go by myself a few times but have not worked up the courage yet. So going to the Waterfall Mountain was like my first baby step. I had to read and study the trail notes and looked at the map ahead of time. I considered that part successful.

Now it was a blur but if anyone wants the trailnotes they are available on Virginia Happy Trail Running club site (under WTF). The notes were quite good and I relied on it.

I only did the first half (15 miles) plus 4 miles of getting lost.

I hiked most of it and ran a portion on some easier parts. Because it was so cold, most of the trail was iced over. It was slick. My own water tube was frozen (yes I forgot to push the water down the tube after drinking and it was frozen solid). Luckily, I had a handheld bottle and that was not frozen. Then I put the tube inside my shirt next to my body and the ice melted. It was one of the things that went wrong.

Most of the day I was “tilted” in that I could not get my head off of being pulled over by the police. So I was not paying a close attention to the trails and a few times I went off trail or missed a turn. The worse error was one when I missed the turn and had to backtrack and I became disoriented and did not recognize the trail I was backtracking on. So I had to run back and forth about three/four times over the same stretch and finally was able to convince myself which direction was the correct way. I was within three miles from my car too then and I could actually heard cars going by but I was so confused as which way was the right way to go in order to get out.

I was not scared of being in the woods. The worse case was staying over night there. I did not have my tent on me but it would not have been a life threatening situation. I had enough clothes on me, as well as water and food. I knew eventually I would be able to get out. The question was more like when. I prefer to be out by sunset rather than after dark. First of all, it is easier to find way in the day time than at night. I did make it out a little after sunset while there was just enough light left.

Another memorable moment was on certain part of the trail, I had to go into the stream (well the trail became a stream). I don’t exactly know why since normally people who make the trail normally would diverge water away from the trail. But I had this trail that the water was running down on it – yes trail errosion. I had to step into the water. On a warmer day, I wouldn’t mind. After that section, my pant legs were frozen from the water and the cold. I did not realize this until I got back to the car when I took off my shoes. I had two ring shackles around my ankles.

I then hightailed out of there because I have been wanting to be back at my house since the morning. If not for the pullover I would have enjoyed the trip much more. Yet it was a lesson learnt.

life running

Day392 slow news cycle cont.

There is just not a lot is going on with me as twenty-twenty comes to a close.

We had our first snow this winter. Last week was warm with the temperature up around 60s and this week was freezing cold in the 30s. The snow came but did not stay the next day. I am so jealous as my friend in West Virginia posted nice snowy scenery of their trails. I wish I have snowshoes and join them.

I hate myself for not running when the weather is nice and only run when it is unbearable outside.

I have not done a lot of running the last two weeks. I ran maybe only two days. Last weekend I didn’t run … after written up such a nice plan (day391) but in the end, I did not execute it. Often times I don’t like planning ahead like that because once it didn’t happen it is a big let down. I knew it too at the time of writing it up. What happened? I think I was paralyzed with too many choices.

In gaming term – I am tilting toward losing the game. I did FF (forfeit) the game last week. I need to get back into my running.

What I have been doing instead of running was watching youtube. Dang it is so addicting.

Definitely tilting/inting. I am part of a team running event (running around the world). We are closed to finishing Region 2. Yet I can’t able to bring myself to run these days to finish up the region. We are about 400 miles away. I could have chopped that to 300 or even 200 if I have not been tilting.

I read somewhere that people have a tendency to self-sabotage when they are about to succeed. I think I have that problem (they call it inting in gaming, that is, intentionally losing the game because they are tilting so badly).

As you can tell I have been watching a lot of videos of people playing video games on youtube. Somehow I found that entertaining. I myself don’t play (no computer).

I was also hoping to finish the journal for this year, that is reaching day 400 entry, and close it with a summary. Yet it might not happen. I don’t want to write every day just for the sake of ending the year.

For me 2020 has not even started…I felt still so much left to do. There is something to look forward to for 2021. It will mostly a repeat of 2020. My runs will be the same. I am still training and executing the same plan (for the Laurel Highlands race and Graysons Highland too). One thing different is I have the Rocky Raccoon race in February. My first 100 days will be a bit different because of that. I will start off with a much stronger season than in 2020.

I am happy 2020 turned out the way it did. There was no way I was ready for those big races I planned for 2020 and the pandemic gave me an extra year to prepare for them.

10 more days left for 2020…hmm what should I do? That is what I have been up to. Oh my Garmin watch said I ran 2090 miles this year. I reached and passed my goal of running 2020 miles. This I think is more than my last three years combined, and I think in part thank to the pandemic. I am trying to run a few miles more. I might double this number next year…(not a promise), but might able to.

oh on other news, I am so much better this year than last year, in term of money. Last year I was on the brink of bankruptcy and it was like for two weeks I couldn’t buy food. My boss didn’t fund the 401k (retirement plan) this year … but it didn’t affect me because I increased my own contribution. Cashflow-wise, I probably never been richer in my entire life. I think again thank to the pandemic, my expenses were cut (no more metro rides, and no more eating out, and no more races and traveling, and no more going out). I also didn’t have to buy any new running shoes (no races). I didn’t cut my second phone or gym membership even though I no longer use either of them, this could have save me another thousand of dollars. What am I going do with the money? I can buy my air ticket to Houston for the Rocky Raccoon (and pay for a Covid test if the race requires one). Sorry, first world problem.

If I don’t get to write another entry before the new year – I wish ya a merry Xmas and happy new year.

P.S. Amnesia. I thought I wrote about the Occoquan adventure, but somehow did not. See Post 393 on Occoquan and the Waterfall Run.


Day387 ride around town

It has been some time since I took the Metro (our subway). Today my car is in the shop so I took the Metro home from work. I’m lucky because the station is across from my workplace and the bus station is also within half a mile from my home, so it is not a problem of not having a car.

Time being on the metro allows me to write my journal. I love it so much I forgot to get off once it reached the destination and I rode it back to my workplace. Dogdangit, I had to made a second trip.

They didn’t let me get on the bus at the front of the bus, instead I had to use the door at the rear. Covid. I made it home before even finishing the blog.

I have nothing to say/tell the world about. I have been slacking on my training the last two weeks after finishing the 50 mile ultra. I have been slacking before the ultra, really. That was an excuse to ‘taper’ off my runs before the ultra. And after the ultra it is called reverse tapering (recovery run). And I really tapered and reverse-tapered by not doing any run. So from end to end, I have not been running much. I know, I wrote about the 48×48 challenge and VDM. Those were exceptions.

Instead I have been watching hours of videos on ytube. It knows me through and through. It keeps pushing me stuffs I really like watching. Yes, I have been following along the Minecraft Dream’s SMP saga – of my favorite streamer Technoblade – Let the Revolution begin. awesome I got to say. It was very entertaining.

Now, I have been watching people play a game called the Amazing Cultivation something something and watching mr. (ic0n) and several other people playing it for hours. It’s really a boring game but I couldn’t help watching them play. It was almost like watching the paint to dry. I’m on episode 4.

I don’t have Steam or a computer, so I can’t play. If I do, I might be on it every night, instead of watching other people play.

Then there was The Simpsons. I have a deprived childhood. Haha. I didn’t have time to watch it when I was little and I just can’t stop myself watching them now. O my.

I watched a lot of League (League of Legends) videos especially, The greatest support of all time GASM mr. i0ki stream. I played like season 2/3 and now it is preseason 11! Even though I don’t play any more, I like watching other people play.

Yup, me getting fatter day by day instead of running. We have very nice weather here for the last couple weeks. Good running weather. 50s. I heard it will be winter this week. It will drop down to the 30s. I might be in for some cold weather running.

Oh I watched some videos running too. Mr. Yang from California. There was also the guy who did the Rocky Raccoon. Another guy, local here, who did the Seneca Run this year. I was there! But I didn’t meet the guy. I love his video. I think his name is running with Zach something. Those got to count toward excercising.

What’s next? I once said after the Stone Mill run is over, I will be focusing on Rocky Raccoon. Now it is time.

There so much I got to do. Need to reserve the campsite and also my air ticket plus, requesting days off work. It is the first week of Feb. I haven’t done any of those. Also possibly two-week quarantine time. Hope there is no quarantine requirement for the arrivals or I be screwed.

This Sat. I will be running probably the last race of 2020. Devil Puppy (Dog) 50K. Am I ready? mentally…um maybe.



closure maybe.

Being alive meaning having ambition and drive. I can do this and that. I have a trip this weekend and a race next week. I also have work to do before I leave. Work work. Company stuff. My mind immediately returned to reality after the burial of my grandmother. I took the day off but I could work too if I wanted to. That to me a different being alive and dead. We have our worries.

But for the last few days I have been lack of motivation to run. Not sure why. I am healthy and all. Just nothing there.

I was not there when grandmother’s passed on. I could have been there. I was only couple miles away. I had the feeling and prompting the night before. Anyway. What’s done is done. She has passed on. I have a kind of phobia for sickness and death.

We had a funeral yesterday. It was outdoor and we had two ministers with us. The rest who came were all family members. There were 25 of us. Plus a photographer/translator – a family’s friend. The service was conducted in chinese but translated to English for the youngers (us) who are not chinese proficient (plus a few of us or our spouses are not even chinese).

There is no profound truth about this whole death business as I spent the last week reflecting on it. We all will die one day. A good funeral is someone will remember you. My grandmother had a good and simple ceremony. There was not too emotional shown as we all know – she is indeed in a better place. She has been suffering with poor health for as long as I could remember 20+ years maybe? Death is a relief and she was shown mercy to have apparently a painless death.

We had the service. I am glad for Covid because we were restricted to only 25 people or else we would have the whole church there (200+). It was intimate. I hate crowd. But if I am dead, I won’t care what people say about me, whether good or bad. There was no eulogy given at my grandmother’s funeral — I think we were saving it for a memorial service that will take place at a later time due the covid pandemic happening now. Our service, everything included the burial was restricted to one hour. We stayed for two.

It was mainly for us who are living to reflect on the meaning of life and to go through the grieving process when the person you love is no more with you. It is an emptiness. My mom was saying even their dog senses grandma was no longer with them. The dog is moody.

2. It costs money. Our family through this had made arrangement on their own burial. It was a pratical decision and nothing morbid about it. I think we have like 6-8 burial plots. Those who are 60 and older did it. I don’t have my plot of land yet. They do not want to place much burden on their children.

3. I was thinking I have a lot of things and loose ends so to speak. If I die like suddenly or even if I have a week or two of advance notice like my grandmother did, still it is not enough time to get my crap together. No clue what it means to get ready for death. My grandmother did not have much but they have spent days going over her medications (now can be safely discarded) and her tons of papers and documents. They have been managing her affair but still, she has left behind tons of those.

Sad, when I heard of how my grandmother passed away. It was cheerful but sad. She was surrounded by family (night before and also at the moment of). Always someone was with her. However, the last two weeks, we could see she was growing weaker and her life was epping away. She slept and was not able to wake up. She was fully conscious probably to the moment of. Her breath became shallower and then stopped. We already arranged for hopice care so there wouldn’t be resusciatation. Her eyes were wet when family called her. We were almost certain she was gone. It could be just the brain auto-function when processing the sound. Yes, we did call the doctor who came and pronounced her dead. There was no struggle with her. They had everything ready though if need be – morphine and all kind of pain/muscle relaxant medications. She did not need any, except for one that clear the phlegm in her throat. She died peacefully. I wouldn’t able to stand watch the last moment struggle. Yet it was still sad to see that the life flowed out of a body.

4. Memorial. Death is laying down toils and suffering of this life and (hopefully) we go on to a better place. I guess this is the same message at all memorial services. We will be reunited with her there.

We sang traditional Amazing Grace. Not so much the words by the familar melody was comforting. I couldn’t even aware of what I was singing. I tried but the words did not register to brain. It was just blah, blah, blah. The next song In the Land By and By was more meaningful. There is a land where sorrow is no more when we wake up. Same the third song for closing was Because He Lives and empty grave is there to prove pretty much echoing the same message.

How to close this entry? We think of legacy. Will. Transfer of assets and heritage. Our family does not have much tangible items. What my grandmother left behind was her love, her strength, characters, and her faith. She has lived 87 years. It begs the question, what do we leave behind for others. Currently we (or me, really) don’t really care and do not think a lot about. The sad truth is I have nothing much. Maybe this blog. Sorry if this puts a damper to your day. Need content. clout. subscribe. 🙂


Day371 – 2nd anniversary

It should be my 2nd anniversary here on WordPress or the first day into my 3rd year of blogging. No special fan service today…other than Thank you fans always for your continue supports!

I remembered in the early days it used to a delight every night as I finished my run and I rushed on here to post how great that run was and usually talked about this and that of what I discovered during the run.

As my runs have been longer and longer recently, I don’t write so much about them any more. It is like oh another 5K, what to write about that.

No, I still think short runs are exciting. I have not done enough of those. Couple weeks ago, I finished a short run. I think I went out to do a three mile that night. Details now escape me, but at the time I was so excited. So that was how it use to be like I told myself. I was going to write a blog entry about it. I think I fell asleep not long after and the entry never made it out the press. I forgot now why I was so excited after that run that I was dying to share. Only thing was it was a great run.

These few days I have been reading on how to improve on my runs. I want to run fast. An article in the Runner World peaked my interest. It mentioned about form. You have to run more efficiently to run fast. A way to do that is build strength and also train your mobility (involve stretching). I hate doing either of them.

I see that is one of my weaknesses. I don’t pay too much attention to strength training and much less on stretching to improve my balance and mobility (range of motion).

When you look at fast runners, their strides are incredible! They are flying through the air. My strides compare to them are just baby tiny steps.

I have been doing more running on trails and I notice I wish I have better footwork. There are certain positions I can’t do well. Some steps are too far out of reach. There were a few times I almost fell. Mobility training will definitely improve my trail running.

I am kind of losing my focus this year. If you read the previous year anniversary, I was bubbling with excitement because I was on the verge of running the MCM 50K and I was just off the mountain the night of, which was kind of my first trail run.

Nothing crazy for this year anniversary. I did not go to the mountain over the weekend. The race I thought I am about to run, got one of their permits denied. Race won’t happen unless they have all the permits approved. Who knew there are so many of them. We thought having the Covid permit approved was the hardest thing and rest would be easy. We held our collective breath for that one. What frustrating is our race will be mostly done in the park. I think we got the park permit approved, but we got hung up on the road permit. We do have a short section being on roads and a few road crossings, so it is not that we can ignore that. The county denied our permit for the road portion. The whole race is up in the air at the moment. The race director is trying to appeal the county’s decision. I don’t know what to think. The race date is so close already and now this.

I know with Covid many races got canceled. We have come to expect no racing for the forseeable future. However, things were improving in our area and we got our Covid plan approved and it looked likely a race would be possible, but now this. It is like don’t get our hope up and then got dash by it.

Why all this mumbo jumbo I am writing? I hope next year will be better. I wish I have the exuberance like I did before. This is the third year, right? It should be better than the year before.

There are many different things I could write…I have a list of races I did for this year and a list of races I am ready to do for the next year. Don’t worry I will post it some day soon. I want to show, even with a crazy year, we got things done. That though is not what I am feeling at the moment. We are baking something but we are not there yet…not sure how it will turn out, since I am kind of doubting anything good will happen. A little pessimistic won’t you say?

I know there is always next year. How about that for 2nd anniversary?

life running


I didn’t go camping. Instead I had a lazy saturday.

I injured my foot last weekend while running. I didn’t notice anything wrong at the time, but it probably was from over straining my right foot. You know the whole body hurts after running the marathon and my right foot was hurting. I didn’t pay much attention to it but through out the week, the top of my right foot continued to hurt. I stopped running by Wednesday to let it recover. By today, it still hurts.

I googled on foot pain. They had several reasons. I am scared of having foot fractured. They said it would take 4-6 weeks to recover. It means no running.

I can’t be sure unless I go see a doctor. They said even with the x-ray it might not show up. Only advice is to rest and use ice/heating pad. I don’t know. I massaged it every day and night. I hope it will be better soon.

So because my foot is bad, I was thinking to go camping to rest a bit from running. That though probably not a good idea either since I usually carry a heavy pack on me when I backpack.

In the end I didn’t go. It was not for my foot but because I was too slow in getting my things together on Friday night.

By noon on Saturday, I was still only partially packed, I decided to abandoned the trip but to go to a park to run instead. In a couple weeks I will be running a 50 mile race. I signed up on a spurt moment early October. There is finally a race being approved in my area. So I signed up. I have very little training for it. It finally sank in now I need to train.

So I went to Seneca Park – well not exactly there but an area south of it. My race will be the whole thing at the park and the surrounding region. I did a race there this spring and already know part of the trail. So today I went to explore the part I have not been to. The trail is called Muddy Branch, but luckily our fall is quite dry and I did not get muddy.

I did a six miles out and then back. Ended up with 13.1. I reached 13 miles when I got back to the car, but I wanted the extra .1 to say I did a half marathon today for a training run.

That’s all. Originally, I wanted to do my birthday run too, which means a lot of miles because I am now into my 4th decade. I backed out of that. I would not want to be out running the whole day. A short few hours of running was enough.