In awe

Day 194

I run for the high. I felt I was doing something important during racing. All the hard work, planning, go into the race and I usually at my top condition.

Now it has been a week since my last race. Things are calming down. I feel now I am searching for a purpose to run again.

I can still go and run. It is a weird feeling. People know running a marathon is hard. For people who don’t run though, I feel they don’t get it. I don’t get it myself. These past feel days there were times, I think I got it (it was like a light bulb going off) then it disappeared. At the end of the day I ask myself so what?

I run not for the medals. I run to beat my own time on the course. There is also the feeling being faster than others. I run to train. I also run because it makes my body feels good. Running loosen my muscles and clear my head. I run for the challenge. Deep down too I run sometimes to get recognition. I am doing something not anybody can do. A lot people around me can’t run at the intensity I am doing.

I am looking ahead to next year. I want to some day soon to do a 100 miles run. I need crew supports. I wish there are others around me who I can do a 100 miles with. I might do the first 100 mile race without a crew.

I don’t feel like running tonight. It is not just tonight, but the other night too. I sometimes just want to chill and coast through life.

I did something useful between last night and today. I started planning for next weekend 50 miler. I had my pace chart prepared. A friend is going to watch me at certain points on the course and I have now a ball park estimate when I will pass a certain places. I am pleased with my accomplishment.

These funky feelings usually occurred after a big race for me.