anticipation

Day 196

I am going through a phase of soul searching. I know why I run and I already have next year planned out. I registered for a few of the races this week. And I am very excited. One of the races I signed up was the Richmond Marathon. I have been looking forward to this race for ‘many’ years. Richmond is the capital of my state. I read it is an amazing race to do. Couple of my friends has done it. I want to do it too. Virginia just has so many races, I can’t do th quick enough.

A second race I signed up but couldn’t get in was Grayson Highlands. I was put on a wait list. I am in 6th place so there is a high chance I will get in as the race approaches. The race is next May. I can’t tell how excited this race means for me. I hiked there last year.

My soul searching was not about to run or not to run. I know my interest in running is very high. Yet I feel some internal struggle that I can’t explain. I want to be totally devoted to running next year because I will be attempting 100 miles by end of the year and if I have doubt, I won’t able to do it.

The feeling is hard to explain. I was trying to understand it. Whenever I run, I have clarity on everything, however, when I don’t run, my head is in the cloud.

I came closure to what I am seeking. I call it ‘essense’. It is like the ultimate reason why I run. The real me. I think when I have clarity, I would be at peace with myself.

I came close to finding my answer when I think out what I want three/five years from now. I have a plan for this year and next year, but I can’t see what myself is like in 5 or 10 years as a runner.

It is kind of silly, because I don’t really see myself as a runner but a person who runs.

Does it mattter? It doesn’t. I just do what I have been doing, sign up race and go out and run without much thought.

Anticipation: I will have my first 50 miler this Saturday. I just don’t want to think too much about it. I am anticipate a fun weekend.