Sometimes I just need a reset button. After the last big race I did back in May I was kind of aimless.
My training has been subpar. I need a fresh breath to lift me up. I know one way is looking for races to run.
Partly I know I am down in the gutter because of couple races I didn’t finish.
Couple months ago, I met someone and she was talking how recently how she has been been DNFing (not finishing) many of her races. I am sympathetic to that for I am too recently started dropping a few of my races. It made me wonder do I still have it in me to finish hard races? Or is it time to hang my coat? Or maybe this sport is not for me? I started to have self doubt. Did I over doing it? Do I need rest?
I am the person, if I don’t suceed the first time, get up and try again. Keep at it until I got it.
I am still in this marathon thing (running a marathon as often as I can) because I wanted one day to get the time I want, that is 3:30 or better. I can’t even break under 4 hours today and I call it a good run if I get it under 4:30.
As I plan my race schedule for next year, I envisioned how it would be if I run them. My lack of confidence really got to me. I’m talking about big races. In my last blog entry, I already decided not to do MMT (the 100 mile race I didn’t finish) and that was settled and I won’t reopen that. But I also really want to run it again since I was so close to finishing it.
Today, I was debating a much nearer race, that is the Devil Dog. I knew I would be signing it up again, since the race opened on July 4 at midnight. Last year, it was the race I DNF. I was mad at myself because we had the perfect weather and everything and somehow my body was not strong enough to finish it. In a million years, I never imagined I could not finish it because distance wise, I know I can go out any weekend to run a 50 mile and at the Devil Dog, my limit was reached at mile 40.
So my dilemma today, should I run it again? and what distance should I choose? The race offers two events 100 mile and 100k, but it is gear toward the 100 miles and I wanted to do that since forever, but last year I could not even complete the 100k event (62 miles), so what make me to dare to even consider the 100 miles, which is almost twice as long?
I know I have until October to decide but then I wanted to commit early because I want my spot. I’m in a big city and this race is a rare one for us. If I don’t sign up, it will sell out!
While thinking about this race, I knew I had to face my fear or I would not ever remove the clip from my shoulder! I might fail again, but I knew I had to sign up.
There is sufficient time to train and this is the only big race for this winter season. (5 months)
The heart of the matter is do I like it? The worst fear for me is losing interest. Lately, that is my struggle to be captivated by running again. My interest has ebbed.
An art streamer reminded me – I have to find something to improve each time I run (she was talking about her art, but I applied it to my running). Gotta find something new, something challenging, something fresh, to keep the engaging aspect.
I think that is right! For the last six years, I have been able to do what I did was because it was always new. It was never stale even during my training. Yes, there were ups and downs. We went through winters and summers. Cold and Hot, but I always was able to rebound.
So I just committed myself to another 100 mile race, the Devil Dog.