In awe

Couple days ago I put down in writing of the things I want to do in order to have what I think is a satisfying life. When I was younger, it wasn’t as

important, now I feel in my ‘mid-age’, (still in a bit of denial), I want to know that I’m not wasting away my life.

So questions like what make me happy, and how do I get there become important.

I think my passion is running, hiking and being outdoor. Making friends never really my strong point. Doing things with others is fine, but I can just as well find enjoyment doing things by myself. I concluded that ‘reaching’ some hard and crazy goals will definitely bring me satisfaction.

It led me to think on big goals that I might not able to do: running a marathon in all 50 states, or doing an Iron man race or running hundreds of miles in the desert.

They seem like a joke. Looking back couple years ago, I thought running a marathon was impossible. But now I have done it. It is not a fluke, I have run it several more times. I do feel it was an accomplishment but it wasn’t that a big deal. I want to do more!

For some having more money is a goal in itself. Because having money enable doing things otherwise not able to do. What I mean is it would be much easier to do some of the goals I set if only I have more money. Many times I feel I am limited by money. If I have the money I would able to reach some of my goals much sooner.

For example, I was thinking how soon would I be able to save up $50,000. 1-2 years time is unrealistic for me. 3 years, yes I did it before, it is tough, very tough. I think if I set aside $5,000 per year (400+ a month), it will take 10 years to reach, I think this is about my current pace. I guess I don’t have the discipline.

Tonight at church, we were going through a studies by Kile Idleman called God at War. There were some reflection questions my pastor asked on the topic of money. Note these are not the main points of tonight studies.

The common things people say about money are there is not enough of money, need to get more, so that we can spend more.

Have I considered the opposite: something about storing treasure in heaven, spending money for God’s kingdom (toward the church/church related), giving money away, spend money for other people? And Tithe. All these especially thithing runs counter to ‘common’ sense is. But there is promises that doing this will bring blessing because this is what pleases God.

One of the questions I really like is asking myself is it enough? Do I have enough -+-+ (money)? The secret of contentment is to have the faith that in any circumstances you have ‘enough’.

I really don’t know if after I reach my goals whether they were enough. Probably they were not and I would still have more goals after that. All I know is that I have pressed toward them. On one hand I know I’m not completely serious about reaching them, such as let’s run all fifty states. It would take too much effort and dedication to do it. But on the other hand, I feel I would be ok, if I move along that direction.

Yesterday, I counted the cost. Reaching my goals is expensive. While I myself think the cost is reasonable. But when I asked other people I know saying I will spend this and that amount of money on this or that goal (that is for example, for running this many races), they think I’m crazy or joking around.

Haha, I told them I now don’t have the money to buy the shoes I think I need and my current pairs of shoes are wearing out fast. I was told to buy ‘less’ expensive shoes. I’m ‘poor’. They think I’m joking.

It is because my values are different from them. Am I making sense here?

Not trying to justify my goals. I set them and I already know and believe what I think is right. Just something for me to think about.

(End Day 4.2)