In awe

Day 93 / still waiting

One of the reasons I started blogging is to record my races and the training I do. Because running races is what I live for. But on a deeper level, I was trying to find meaning and truth in all my activities we call life. I believe our lives have meaning  even if it is not apparent. On the surface, every day seems to be the same. I wake up, go to work, run afterward and go back to bed. On a weekend, I might be lucky to find a race or two to run or if not, it is one long training for the weekend. Some days like what I mostly been doing the last  few months when I don’t feel like training, I ended doing nothing but sitting in my room staring at the ceiling. That is part of life too.

It does not mean life is not exciting. Last few months were to me jumping through one crisis to another. I might be a bit extreme to call it crisis but it was like the end of the world! I feel somehows going through one storm after another. And it was very exciting.

Why? We all just want a peaceful life… I did not write about them. Looking back though, I  survived. Always, every day I am entangled with something, and they definitely distracted me from running. Maybe something I didn’t do at work or something I didn’t do at home. I had a crisis with my training plan when I consistently putting up only 7 miles per week for the first month. I don’t know what happened there.

I had a clear thought this morning while driving into work. As I looked back at the past week or the past month, I kind of see a pattern of something greater than just routine going through the motions of life. I saw maybe a glimpse of what life is worth living for, (life is always worth living) something that was truly uplifting. Now the thought is gone. I am grasping if I could, bring that light back. It was like a mundane thing transform to extraordinary.

This weekend I will run the DC Rock and Roll Half Marathon (hopefully – Lord willing as my friend loves to say). Few more hours to go.  I signed up for it almost a year ago. It doesn’t mean I was hyped about it. This would be my third time running it. I signed up early to save money. The price now has doubled if I walk in and register today. I also already signed up for next year.

I could run it without much emotion. There are not many races I would re-do, but this one is one of them. My friend calls it a subscription service if I run it year after year. But then I can attach so much meaning to it. It is one of the best marathons to do in this area. I have ran many (6) marathons and many half marathons (4-5). Rock n Roll is always the best! It is big! It was my first marathon as well as the first Half Marathon that I signed up (though didn’t run). I have so much memories of it unlike some other races. 

My running involved with friends and my best friend at the time when I did the first marathon was in that race. That was all i needed for meaning. Thinking back, I was running through the whole course looking for her only in the end found out she started at a later time because I told her to switch to a Half and she listened, but I had my PR that day and my first ever fastest time, even to this day 3 years later, the time is still very hard for me to top it. I have no reason to beat my time tomorrow. 🙂 Even if I run my fastest time tomorrow, I won’t be able to meet up with my best friend who is out in the woods hiking somewhere.

I am rambling on. Today is another one of those waiting time, waiting for things to happen tomorrow. Doesn’t life is like that? Waiting…and then kind of miss it when life shows up? That is some kind of truth regarding life I am seeking.

I think meaning for the things we do or things happening is like turning on a light in a room. The things we do is  the same, but how we look at it is like having the light on or having the light off. Just a thought.