Last night I couldn’t fall asleep again. It wasn’t because of worrying but because I was just too excited after a run. Reminded me why I shouldn’t run at night. Adrenaline was pumping through me in the wee hours.
So I wrote the below. It is kind of stupid rambling, which I am embarrassed to post, but it kind of make sense of what I am going through.
The older I am, the slower I become. Time seems to stop, like the last two weeks.
Time moves so fast.
There are so much I want to do. Yet to do each thing takes up so much time.
When I am doing a lot, I feel tired.
When I am tired, I don’t feel like doing anything
There were times when I was not tired and I was also doing a lot. Those times were when I was young.
I tried two weeks without doing anything. I succeeded in doing nothing. I was afraid if I remain like that I could stay like that.
I looked back at all that I did. Some things were really impressive, but in the end I felt still was not enough.
I want to have a hobby, something I do besides work. When you work, you can’t remember what you do. On the day say you can’t work any more, like on your death bed, people won’t think on the day you went to work and put in a normal day of work. Yay, I set up the fax machine this week for my work place and I was proud of that, or I reconfigured the firewall at work, I was very proud of that too. I so much want to tell the whole world how I fixed those problems.
I felt accomplished, but mostly whenever I think back of the last few years, I can only recall one or two highlights of my life and none of them were work related. I remember my trip to the Grand Canyon a few years ago. For the first time in my life I traveled! Paid for with my own money and went and had a good time. My second trip was to Peru and stepped on the Inca Trail, and that was man Amazing! Holy Cow I was standing on an ancient site. My third trip was to Chile. No doubt not anything less. Of course I run and many if not all were marvelous (at least to me). They are like breath to me.
Work is important, but what give meaning to life, is usually the little things or time that I spent outside of work. I need work, but it does not define me. Yet we put so much time into it, especially for guys.
Who care that I solved seemingly impossible things at work? I enjoyed doing those a lot, but it is like normal. Done and forget about it. Move on to the next thing. But when it comes to doing something special outside of work, they are remembered for a lifetime.
When running won’t be fun any more is when I treat running as work. I work toward it to become better and to improve my performance. I hope one day that never happen. Recently though, running has taken a back seat. So reason for this post.
How do I know what I want to do?
This morning though, my muscles were sore. Boy. You always have to pay a price. 6 miles is causing me to limp. Ya, what did I do. Hope ya enjoy reading!