I plunged myself in the deep end of whatever this is. No I am not in a pool. Month of July was ugly. It was not depression. I don’t have a feeling of a giant weight being pressed down on me like before during January. Instead, I am just out of steps with life and the world. I feel I am really out of sync with everything I do.
I haven’t run much, maybe once or twice. Everyday I woke up and thought I am going to run today, but moment later, I decided to wait till evening and by evening, I would defer to morning. Really what is wrong with me.
It is not just running but everything. Nothing really accomplished. I still went to work, working from home that is. I went physically into the company twice. I thought change of environment would be good, but it made no difference. I might though going to go into the company more often. I think our business would ‘reopen’ in September, if not by October. Glad July was over.
I went camping once. It was glamping – glamorous camping. Yet it was almost a disaster. I forgot to bring the stove and fire. Also no ice box on a 100 degree weekend (38C). It was not a last minute thing, but my packing was last minute. And guess what, I found my fire lighter in my pack once the trip was over. What did I eat? I stopped by a chick fil A on the way there and ordered two chicken sandwiches. Was glad the food was not spoiled by the next day.
July was like that. I felt into one mishaps after another. Nothing really critical but it is just annoying. I feel really foolish. I don’t know what I am going through. Maybe it is cabin fever or whatever it is.
Thank for listening to my ranting.
In awe 
3 responses to “Day335 deep end”
beat me. It could be because I was not able to finish the 100 mile run back at the beginning of July and was internally upset and not dealt with it properly. I have been telling myself I was not upset. The mind is a funny thing. I see it in other runners. I wrote about my friend A who did a very difficult ultra back in January and he did not finish (there were like 20 people who ran, and only a few finished). He went through a period (6 months) of being unmotivated/depression. I told him how proud I was that at least he attempted it, that in itself is an honor. I have been telling myself, I am not like him…and I won’t be depressed over my race. Yet here I am. The mind is funny thing. Sometimes, this kind of things just come on you unexpectedly…and it is out of control. Mental health issue.
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Well, we learn from missteps … but you remember them the next time and plan better ✌️
Plus we all have those off moments when nothing goes right. ✌️
And you sound like you need a direction to aim those runs at?
Before you used to challenge yourself… how come you don’t challenge again?
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It’s easy to feel bad these days – the world is upside down. You probably need a better strategy for packing – do a list maybe or get an app?
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