In awe

I am procastinating, if anything involving effort.

I know in the last blog post, I want to do a review of how I am doing in reaching this year resolutions. What I made resolutions? Ya, something at the beginning of the year but now I don’t remember what they were.

Yet, that can wait till the next post or some time in the near future.

I had another night run. It felt so good. After four days without running, and I felt I absolutely have to get out there.

It was hot even though it was 9 pm. I was swimming in my own sweat. It got better later. The rest of the night, while I was still sweating, I was able to feel the cool breeze. Three hours did not feel long. Miles seemed to fly by. This is kind of runs I love a lot.

There are many reasons why I love running but one of them is just able to park my mind, not think of anything, well I am always thinking in deep thoughts or daydreaming, but running is something that interrupt my thoughts and I am in a dreamy state for 2 to 3 hours with nothing coherent, and it is therapeutic. I was in a meditative state during my run. I love it.

The houses and my surounding just melted away. It was just me and the pavement. I was not in pain. I just kept pounding on the pavement and it seemed too soon I reached home again. I asked, that’s it?

My biggest dream, romanticing, is to run and not stop, forever going on and on, till I go around the world. I know actually doing it probably not that fun, but it is something I wish I can do.

In my last blog, I wrote how our team is 80% at circumpolar-running around the world, virtually of course, meaning our miles added up will equal to the circumference of the earth or more. It’s a 50000 km race.

Not sure if I ever will pull it off but that is my dream, a small version of my ideal dream of running forever and not stop.

What am I trying to get at? Not sure. I have been feeling low in motivation to run. I used to be able to run everyday but now I am like running only one or two days after I feel “guilty” or dread that I am failing at my training.

One way to feel better is searching deep within why I am doing what I am doing. Where is my love and passion?

I was able to meet up with a running friend one night. Her passion is photography. And when she talks about them, her eyes lit up. She asked about my running and my eyes lit up and I could talk breathlessly on all the things. She was also into running. She was one of first few running friends that got me started on the road of marathons. A friend sharing the same passion really give that push I needed to get back into running. It was not forced, but the passion was enough.

A reason I like racing is to get to meet other like minded people.

She asked me if I have run a 24 hour race? I told her my Devil Dog race (an upcoming event) and a 24 hour race in September that I have waited for at least 3 years to have a chance to run in (Pemberton 24). We will be running a 5K every hour for 24 hours. You ask me, why is that fun? For me it just is.

For a run addict, any form of running is fun, especially in a format I have not done before.

What does this all mean? I really don’t know. I think I might have signed up too many races and am a bit burn out too. I just want to stop for a season or so and take a deep breath. I don’t know. At the moment, that is what I feel.

To my readers, it seems to be an inconsistency, that I want to run forever and I don’t feel enough to go out to do my weekly trainimg and need to stop for a time. Ya. I haven’t able to solve this problem of how to get plenty of rest and at the same time to put out high level of performance.

I’m not getting anywhere with my questions. Until next time, happy running.

TLDR – just some ruminating to get my passion back