In awe

The Devil Dog is so much for me to debrief in a go. I might need some time, maybe some weeks later. It was a good race is all I got to say for now. Here below is an entry I wrote probably back in October (the airport trip) but did not get a chance to post.

I am at the end of a long series of blog posts that started around at the end of summer. At first I did not mean for it to be a theme for the fall, but now fall is over, so I like to close it with this entry, to put a lid on.

It all started when I had a lot of thoughts prompted by a friend of exactly why I love running (day502) and a lot of things were going on at the same time because I entered one of the busiest race schedule I have ever done my life. I tried to write them down as much as possible and saved them for later postings because I did not want to overwhelm the site with too many postings at once. There was a time I posted evert day, though now I try to keep to usually 2 posts, and maybe a third very short post, which usually announcing something I am very excited about, e.g., like the Waterfall 50K at the beginning of the year (WTF50).

I entered the fall season with a bunch of races. There were too many for me to remember. I enjoyed going to Ann Arbor. And recently I went to Atlantic City. This reminded me that I should do a post, listing just all the marathons I did this year. I think I did about 6-7 marathons.

I did a couple 12 hour/ 24 hour runs. I did the Iron Mountain and Rock n the Knob race. I love both of these races.

Then there were a bunch of training runs for the Stone Mill 50. The final report already posted. Originally, this post was to be published first before that one. However, I was too excited about that race, and posted that one first.

If you ask is there is a crescedo from all the races to a finale, the answer is maybe. This fall season is definitely something, unlike any previous year and I am not exhausted yet, and I hope I won’t burnout again like last year. I clearly remember by this time of year, I was. I have the Devil Dog coming up still but I am not sure if that will be the highest peak of this season. It will definitely be my hardest race this year other than MMT or Iron Mountain. These three races are the high points of this year (MMT in the late spring, Iron Mountian in the end of summer, and the Devil Dog at the end of fall (if we can still call it fall!) Maybe it will be a finale. I want it to be, but then who knows.

If readers did not see the hypes leading up, that is fine. I have not been focusing too much on the Devil Dog. I was kind of keeping it at a low profile and hiding it in plain sight. That’s right. Because, I am afraid of running in this race.

Now to the main topic, a few weeks ago, I asked myself whether there is a lesson in any of this. I kind of seeing a pattern from my running and writing reports of them.

I had reread some of them whenever I write some reports that referencing to some earlier posts.

In a way, I do know all what I have written but I am also so forgetful. To me, I am felt like drowning in the water called life, and from time to time I resurface and am able to breathe again. It give me a moment of clarity. Then I resubmerge in the world of forgetfulness again. This is not a lesson but an observation.

I also note my work and recreation is also similar. Work is killing me. My weekend is what restore me. I do enjoy my work but often time it is a part of my life I don’t want to talk about. We work maybe 5 days a week and we have two days of rest. My weekend is like when I feel alive again. Specifically, running makes me feel alive.

It is my fear that I will forget something like who I am and what I was doing. I have to write then down. There might be a brief moment of clarity in the middle of this. I tried to capture that. When I reread my own blog, I said yes, I remember now, that was what I was trying to do.

It is funny how fast I forget thing. Sometimes when I reread my blog, it was like seeing things for the first time. And then the memories from the event start to reform.

Also the stuff I write, sometimes they are repetitive. Maybe life is like that. We do things again and again. Maybe we go through a cycle. We often do not realize that. We have been there done that.

When I reread my blog entries, I noted that I want every race to be uniquely special. And Yes they are. Sometimes, it is not really so significant, but I make as if they are the best race in the world. They were to me. This is my sixth (and maybe 7th) year since I started running (I lost count).

This season, some races I have done them for the third time, like Rock-n-the Knob and many other races. There’s got to be some what different this time. I don’t know. Usually, I forget immediately after I have done them. I retain some vague memory. If a race is a repeat, the memory gets overlapped. I might mess up recalling which year is which. But thank to WP, my blog, things get recorded. It is fun for me to pull up a prior year race to do a comparison.

Couple days ago I was thinking what all my races could teach me or improve me as a person. I threw my hands up. They don’t teach anything. Maybe I could beat them into something of a life lesson. Because I spent so much time thinking about races, I see my life too as a racing event. But I don’t like to think like that.

Life is a race. We all running to somewhere trying achieve something. My bucket list items are like the Aid Stations on the course. Do I want to stop and get help or do I bypassing them? I hope I stop long enough to smell the roses.

I feel my 9-5 job is like running too. I work without seeing the end of it. My weekend is my break or my aid station.

I have been learning how to balance work and recreation. The time I spend at work, I don’t remember much. But the time I spend away from work is something I like to write about. All these posts here are what I do on the weekend.

I don’t know if that makes any sense. Sometimes I run without reasons but when I read my blog, I then remember oh that is why I am doing it. I think when I write my blog, I try to give meaning to my races. It is part of story telling, but in truth, a run is just another run. I could do them mindlessly.

Kind of an addentum: Other things that happened but I won’t write a post on, at least for now – I spent a weekend cleaning my room. Yes, I should do this every weekend. My roommate has moved out, and I kind of spending the time to rearranging the house and stuff. There are some long stories like we discovered a bee nest outside. I haven’t taken care to destroy the nest yet (I hate doing it because it didn’t bother me and bees are good insects, but my neighbor didn’t want the nest around).

Yes, meh, I don’t like doing chores. Getting my room to be what I want it to be is a big deal to me. I felt I like ran a marathon.

Second, the artists I supported on twitch have gone on a hiatus. This did affect my fall training in a good way. I guess I had more time to train. Why I brought it up is it has been a significant time and money sink. I was thinking to get some art for the house. This is open ended. I got some already but haven’t put them up.

Third, my car has a recall where the gas tank could fall off. Yes I should have taken care of that during the last few months, but had not. These are the stuffs that were on my mind, yep, nothing related to running, but real life stuff.

I guess I have to conclude the post somehow. Yes, these are real life stuffs I don’t want to deal with. Real life is messy. I like running and did a lot of them. Running is fun and simple. It was fun for the past season. There were a lot going on. We got through the fall season. The first post (on day 502) I had, I thought it was going be a brief interlude but many things since happened. Here we are.