In awe

Author: Antin

  • Day340 desires

    Sometimes I don’t know what to write because after 339 entries, what I want to say might likely have been said before. It seems I am repeating the same thing.

    I had an amazing run. I never ever had a bad run. It is so much cooler now. I started to split my run because trying to do 20 miles in one short is still too much for me to handle. Splitting it into a 5 mile run at lunch plus a longer run at night was not too bad.

    Yes, I have to give up my lunch hour for the run. My schedule got rearranged a bit. Then though I have twice the joy.

    Noon run was a bit hotter at around 86 degree. But the time was short. One hour and I am done. Originally I wanted only to go for 3 miles so I would have a bit time left for lunch, but I got into the rhythm, and ran more than I should.

    Night run was much cooler. The temperature was around 70 degree. It was peaceful. I enjoyed being out in the neighborhood. I so love fall running.

    An interesting observation is if running is so good, why I don’t do it more enough. I wish I could run 24/7. But realize that running was not my full time. I was thinking what drive me out to run three to four hours each day.

    My answer is I get to think on spirituality. Usually one or two verses from the bible came to mind. I like to think on messages my pastor shared at the last meeting.

    Last night was on desire.

    You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
    Psalms 63:1 NIV

    I won’t call my running my god/idol. There is though a deep longing. Because of the longing I go for a run. After the run, I seem to be satisfied.

    Physiologically, it is endorphine and other chemicals mixing in my brain. However, I like to believe there is a deeper connection to nature and even something deeper, i.e., supernatural.

    This is kind of run I like. Yes, I like doing the mindless training too and running just so I can run faster. Last night I was able to cut my half marathon time by 10 minutes (2:40), that was cool. However, I like that quiet time, my mind could flow to and “meditate” on the metaphysical and deeper things.

  • Day339 fifth day

    I think I am getting a hang of it now after five days of running. Might be sixth? Who is counting? I started some time last week. I know I want that finish of 500 miles by end of August. I know how many miles to run each day and I am very much behind. So I started running.

    In the beginning, I was only able to put out about 5 miles and then upped a bit to 8 and then 11. Friday I didn’t run. Saturday and Sunday I added a bit more 13, then 14 and today 15.

    I do wish to push out 20-30 miles a day in order to reach that 500 miles. Right now I have 450 miles left. Which mean 250 miles this week and 250 next week.

    Today while running, I had a plan. Run 150 miles during week and 100 miles during the weekend. Each day I try to do 15 miles during the evening run. 5 miles during the morning run. See I can do it. 20×5 = 100.

    I’m still short 75 miles. I will see how I fit that in. I might have to take Monday, August 31 off to fit that in. It will be very hard.

    My body has hurt less than before. I run a bit better now. I could do 6 miles without stopping and I got my half marathon time (13.1 miles) down from 3 hours to 2:50. There is still much to go. Hopefully I can get back to running 13 or even 20 miles without stopping.

  • Day338 some boring stuff

    Two more weeks until the end of August.

    Why is that important? It will be the end of the GVRAT – the Tennessee virtual race. I finished the 1000k challenge back in June and have been dallying around trying to get to the 2000k. For the last two months I put in around 100 miles only and I am about 500 miles away from the finish line… probably not going to make it in two weeks. Well there is an incentive to reach a 1000 mile mark, which is just about 200 miles away for me (205). I think I could do that. A hundred this coming week and another 100 the following. Easy right?

    2. GSER – The Atlanta Virtual race. I booked my plane ticket to go back to do this by the end of summer. Am I ready for round two? I don’t think I am, but will see. I have been struggling to run 13 miles much less to do a 100 miles in one shot. Will see. I know I don’t have to do it. RD has extended it to end of September when the weather is cooler to run. I am going to do it at end of August any way.

    3. Fall will be here soon, meaning the start of Fall training. Even though many of Fall races have been canceled or gone virtual, there are couple ones that will be taking place. It means training time! I am excited. Several races are in the work, and will share once they come.

    Relating to this I have been moving my races around. Got the news that DC Rock n Roll won’t be happening, so I plan to transfer my entry to Savannah Rock n Roll 2021. Looking toward to get my marathon in Georgia.

    Laurel Highland Ultra – the race that has consumed me this year will be happening, but I put in my deferral to next year. The race will be held but will have a lot of restrictions (basically old school ultra – with very little support and you have to carry all the stuff on you; there are drop bags, however it is best to lug everything), so I don’t think I am up to the challenge to do it. RD allowed me to defer till next year. Hell yeah, I’m running it next year. I had my schedule next year exactly like this year! All the same races.

    4. CRAW – And and I will be doing a new virtual race called the CRAW – circumpolar run around the world. This time will be done as a team/group run. 50,000 km total or something. The number of miles are beyond what I can count around 30,000 miles, but someone did the math, it is about 8 miles per day per person. We have until December 31, 2021 to finish. We can have up to 10 people per team. It will be done over 12 stages. Each stage as if a new race. I am still forming my team, wich is hard to do because not many people is willing to commit a year time. I don’t want to be stuck in a slow team… but I don’t also want too much pressure from my teammates to have to run gazzillion miles every day. I plan to try for one stage at a time. The first stage hopefully done by Nov. Race starts on Sept 1.

    5. Realistically, my body hurts. Everything hurts. Bad ankle from previous injury. I am going to suck it up. That is pretty much the end of summer. What did I do during the summer? I watched lot of videos and run virtual races.

  • Day337

    I have to mark this day. I had my first run since who know when. 5.5 miles. It was a combination or walk/run. Mostly walk. My body or aerobic level has eroded a lot. Usually I could do 10 miles without stopping. Wait I used to run for 3 hours straight without having to stop. Now I felt like a big elephant running down the street. Every couple steps I would have to stop to catch my breath. Maybe an elephant could run faster than me. Any way, it was a good run. It was 80 but felt like 90 degree. Nope, I didn’t see any meteor shower. Three times I almost was run over by a bike because I was looking up at the sky instead of where I was running. Yes, how could I run without looking at where I was running. The guy on the bike freaked out too 🙂 No I wear really bright color clothing and I had plenty of light on me. I need to put some reflector tape on me next time.

    The past few days I kept having stomach issue. Not sure what was going on. I am usually strong as an ox and I don’t fall ill. I can eat anything and not get sick. Perfect body for camping. But I have been having stomach issue lately. My bellyache came as I started running. I finished it any way. It went away after getting back and I after relieved myself. It might be my body is making excuses. However, I do have stay away from spices.

    Those Korean food has too much hot spices. I tried to stay away. The waiter guy at the restaurant warned me as I was buying it for my lunch. I ordered something that was described as Korean spagetti with spicy sauce. The waiter tried to confirm my order and said we don’t have spagetti here. I said I don’t mind substitute. No he actually did not want me order that dish. I showed the guy the menu – it was the first item. He said that really is not spagetti. I said I know. The menu is in Korean but they had Engish translation and it translated as spagetti. Then he said to me it is very spicy. He asked if I can take the heat. I said (and lied) I like spicy food. Are you sure you want it? Yes. I have been trying to eat spicy stuff since my former girlfriend likes them. The dish was not that spicy (it was Gochujang) but much sweeter than I expected, but I don’t usually eat spicy food, and my stomach contracted and burned until I went to the bathroom. I was a good dish though. I thought I couldn’t make it home. My stomach felt like it was going blow up. That’s me. Every time I eat spicy food, they burn as they go in and through the whole GI tract and on their way out. I do love Korean food.

  • Day336 cleaning up

    I am bad at this. I generated lot of garbage. Things just accumulate and after a while and hell what is all this crap I say to myself. So I started to clean up a bit unsucessfully.

    I found a picture back in 2012. The picture was one of my trainee gave to me after she quit the job and join the cheerleading at a the local NFL team. She was their ambassador. So she gave me her autograph. In my mind 2012 at least in context of the picture maybe was just a year or two away, but counting the date, that was 8 years ago! Why do I still have it? And not put away or trashed.

    I have many such accumulations all over the place. Should I toss it away? Should I keep it. Should I let it be? So I put it back on the desk on top of a pile of stuff. I do have any more meaningful stuffs lying around. I tossed away a bunch of ‘cheap’ art work my former girlfriend gave to me. Any way, that was my weekend.

    I actually started the clean up project a month ago. It was supposed a day job.

  • Day335 deep end

    I plunged myself in the deep end of whatever this is. No I am not in a pool. Month of July was ugly. It was not depression. I don’t have a feeling of a giant weight being pressed down on me like before during January. Instead, I am just out of steps with life and the world. I feel I am really out of sync with everything I do.

    I haven’t run much, maybe once or twice. Everyday I woke up and thought I am going to run today, but moment later, I decided to wait till evening and by evening, I would defer to morning. Really what is wrong with me.

    It is not just running but everything. Nothing really accomplished. I still went to work, working from home that is. I went physically into the company twice. I thought change of environment would be good, but it made no difference. I might though going to go into the company more often. I think our business would ‘reopen’ in September, if not by October. Glad July was over.

    I went camping once. It was glamping – glamorous camping. Yet it was almost a disaster. I forgot to bring the stove and fire. Also no ice box on a 100 degree weekend (38C). It was not a last minute thing, but my packing was last minute. And guess what, I found my fire lighter in my pack once the trip was over. What did I eat? I stopped by a chick fil A on the way there and ordered two chicken sandwiches. Was glad the food was not spoiled by the next day.

    July was like that. I felt into one mishaps after another. Nothing really critical but it is just annoying. I feel really foolish. I don’t know what I am going through. Maybe it is cabin fever or whatever it is.

    Thank for listening to my ranting.

  • Day334 enough goofing

    After watching tons of videos I think I got this. At first I was surprised the fact some streamers quit their day job/schools so they could stream full time. It got me thinking if there is really that much money to be made in being a streamer / or video uploader?

    The answer I found is yes and no. While the top few streamers are definitely made enough money to be comfortable for the rest of their life as an average person, it is no where near when compare the ‘main stream’ media in Hollywood or other sport celebrities are making in their field.

    Streamers are still very poor compare to the tradition entertainment/media. Yet, this new media is definitely taking the world by storm and has turned everything up-side-down.

    Now anyone can be a streamer. The barrier to entry is quite low. All you need is a computer (or phone), a video camera, and a mic.

    I got to say though, 99% of the streamers act and talk the same way, given maybe the demographic is quite young (teens or early twenties). They are just copy cats. (As an aside, I love PewDiePie, how he sits on the floor and stream, being non-traditional or counter to the cult he started, though he is definitely still the leader).

    It made me think back to when I was in middle/high school where I had to do fund raising for a club or for a trip. Streaming platform now actually doing this with the young crowd – raising money through them.

    I have been watching videos on Facebook, Youtube, and Twitch. They all have some type of payment system for fan to give money! Twitch is even one step further to have a “goal” build in and is visible on their video. It gives a viewer a sense of participation. I got to give and I got to help out the streamer in reaching his/her goal.

    My thought is the platform is using the streamers to farm for revenue! Yes the platform is making money from advertisment as well as a cut from the viewer’s donation!

    It seems the big platforms finally have a way to to monetized social media in a very big way!

    They got even the little guy to buy into their system. Those that have one or two viewers, and those that have thousand of viewers. And any who made it into the millions are gods! They all doing the same thing and accepted the platform as the fact of life, and that they have to give a cut, because they don’t have the bargain power!

    Past couple weeks I have been just following the gods. I didn’t know much of them at first, but now Mr Beast, PewDiePie, Pokemane, Graham Stephan, etc. ya, I know them.

    My experience is most of the time, I just can’t stand the randomness of their aimless chats or stunts. Watching them is like watching the Disney channel. I am way over of their target age group. I felt like almost a grandpa to them! Most are in their college/high schooler age, but they all talk like they are still in their early teens! For a long time I too live like a teenager and way into my adult life. In a sense I still miss those days of playing games and hanging out with friends doing stupid stuff. (DudePerfect videos, you get what I mean). I still love minecraft and many other video games.

    I got to give it to them though. To be able to draw a crowd, no less a million plus people to their content is a big accomplishment and naturally there has to be a way to compensate for their time and effort. Most of these people are not one-off. They have talent to consistently entertain people (the mass) daily! Their videos go “viral” every single upload.

    My favorite so far is a minecraft player, named TechnoBlade, who was considered to be the best pvp, player battling against player. Though now some say he is no longer the best, but he is still very very good.

    I like all his videos because he is considered a dark horse and out of no where he comes and take the win. He is devious, at least that how he portraits himself to be. (Watch the Potato War). But I like how he is also “clean” in his speech – he said he does not curse so as to stay on the channel and not be banned, Because he wants his money! I think he is a good guy.

    I just love the most is the way he thinks and it is borderline psycho…. Somehow I found that is so thrilling when I watch his videos. He is just bad (but in a very good way). I want to be just as bad as he is! A rebel! People just hates him and afraid of him. Yet he helds no personal grudge. He just likes to dominate in a game and he is so good at it. His videos are very long (full stream of 3-4 hours) – he does not edit much.

    He sometimes go into telling random stories. He is very good at that. For example he went into a long way of telling that he lost his soap box one day during his college years, by telling us about lasagna and chocolate bars. Not sure how they were all related, or anything got to do with the video game he was playing. But it was very entertaining nonetheless, because you feel like it has something to do with what he was doing or about to tell you. In the end, it was just one big story that doesn’t got to do with anything. Some viewers blame him for being click bait. Because you would expect there would be some conclusion or significant why he is telling you, but none. It was all for entertainment to keep you on the stream as he played his video game.

    So what this all about? Well there are entertaining stuffs out there even if it is just mindless chattering. Maybe something for everyone.

    -Some are paid well enough that they quit their normal jobs.

    -My observation (feeling) is that the big guy (corporations) is actually not giving these streamers enough of the advertising money they are getting.

    -Hard to say…but it does open up a new market place. New jobs for the millenials / post-millenials. In a way I feel sorry for them.

    -Society as a whole are now turning away from the traditional media (claiming they are fake), and turning to the new “social” media.

    I’m more on the boomers side because I like my content to be coming from the mainstream media (the establishment) and not from the everyday joe. I get my news/entertainment from NPR and CNN, NYtimes, etc. The boring stuff, are the stuff I like!

    What this mean to me? It never occurs to me a cultural shift is taking place and is accelerating.

    I never have considered myself as part of this. But now evaluating that I am part of this new media age because I am a blogger!

    My Worpress blog would not able to make much money or any actually. But I am out there too to gain “followers”, and “paid-subscribers” and “viewers”.

    The idea of making money off of sharing the normal life experience seem to rub me the wrong way and maybe to you readers as well.

    However, that is what some people are doing, and they are very good at this too. We just don’t realize it. I would too be going into all the streaming if I am good at it.

    It makes me evaluate who I want to sponsor/support. I have been giving a few dollars here and there to various people I follow (like the hikers, Patreon people, freelance programmers, and gamers).

    That now to me is the craziest thing because without realizing, I might be giving to people who really don’t need my support because they are definitely well to do (for example Mr Beast), though they all say they want your sponsorship!

    I understand about fostering the things (art) you enjoy so that the artist could continue to produce their content.

    I am not saying don’t support them, but realize that they maybe making tons of money off you and laughing all the way to the bank.

    I have a lot to say about Mr Beast, because his videos are ones I enjoy a lot, but I will leave it maybe for a future post (hedonism, and insane money giving – not jealous here; just interesting observations).

    I have just randomly chatted away like one of those videos I watched. Have a good night. Click bait.

  • Day333 content

    I like special numbers. There is a thing my friend got me started. Like if you look at the time and the number repeats itself, such as 09:09 or 12:12, I would make a mental note – Hey this is special I should pause and remember it! Crazy right!? I have been doing it…for years…it is not like I am at 12:11 and wait for it to turn 12:12. It has to be unexpected. You would think it comes by every hour and every day, but usually such occurance is rarer than you think and that you only notice it comes only every once a while.

    Another thing I do is if the month and date ended up repeating, e.g., Aug 8. This I do try to remember and wait for and I try to line up the time too Aug 8, at 8:08. I usually miss it too. I missed July 7 by a couple days.

    Any way, I like to make a wish during that time. Call it Prayer or whatever. That is my special moment. You should do it too.

    What all this random gibblish all about? I watched a lot of Youtube videos over the weekend. They are really all gibblish but they are also so attrative, that I can’t pull myself away. They draw eyeballs, at least mine!

    I have been thinking too I need content for my blog. Not that drawing eye balls is my goal. For me, since day one I didn’t expect readers/followers but was so happy too when I got a few followers on my blog. There are a ton of bots or zombies but they are okay — nothing I can do. This is a public blog so…even if it is private I don’t think you can kick bots from following.

    I feel blogging is like doing a youtube video, except maybe a lot easier. You have to put a lot of time and planning in a video even if it is just random gibblish.

    So the concern of a youtuber is a blogger’s concern too. By thinking too hard on having content, it becomes like one of those youtube vids, zero content, but people still watch them.

    I just wasted a post…Day 333 should have been a special blog post. Heehee, maybe this contentless post will draw in some eyeballs.

  • Day332 Youtube-1

    I caught up on Youtube over the weekend. I have been living under a rock!

    I didn’t know many of the Youtbe celebrities (US). In 2019 one of the biggest news was PewDiePie was being surpassed in ranking of the most subscribed Youtube channel by an Indian music channel and Mr Beast was doing a campaign to save him by asking people to subscribe! I didn’t know either of them at the time (I might have watched some Mr Beast Minecraft videos, but I didn’t pay so much attention at the Youtuber.

    I saw the Super Bowl and saw Mr Beast’s stunt there but his message was totally over my head at the time. My relatives who were watching the Super Bowl with me was asking me what was that about!

    I had my laugh this weekend watching many of their videos. Don’t even get me start on Twitch.tv, which tries to emulate Youtube success.

  • Day331 Your Turn

    I don’t usually share other people’s content. I just don’t promote other people’s sites or writing. It is just not me. Maybe because if I draw attention to other people, I will draw attention to myself. And my MO is not to draw attention to myself.

    But I just came across a content I just want to share. I have been thinking of “how to remake my life”. Not sure why I want that to be in quote. I feel like and I know it when I started this blog is that this is my life project. I want to make a new version of me to chase after my dream, and this blog would hold me to that promise.

    The video from Tim & Fin resonates so much. I watched their travel video to Vietnam and I was saying to myself, I want to to do that. Is it possible to get on a bike and travel across a foreign country without knowing the language or culture (I’m from Vietnam but to me it is foreign land).

    So here it is. Of course it is on Youtube.

    Watch it and tell me what you think.

    I might not be as radical as them to quit my day job and travel around the world. However, it does draw to the fact what is more important in priority. Doing the things you like and have your work support what you do – even if it calls for quiting the normal 9-5 job.

    They are really smart people.

    Their other videos are great too. I haven’t watch much, because I just discover their channel.