In awe

Tag: thoughts

  • Day340 desires

    Sometimes I don’t know what to write because after 339 entries, what I want to say might likely have been said before. It seems I am repeating the same thing.

    I had an amazing run. I never ever had a bad run. It is so much cooler now. I started to split my run because trying to do 20 miles in one short is still too much for me to handle. Splitting it into a 5 mile run at lunch plus a longer run at night was not too bad.

    Yes, I have to give up my lunch hour for the run. My schedule got rearranged a bit. Then though I have twice the joy.

    Noon run was a bit hotter at around 86 degree. But the time was short. One hour and I am done. Originally I wanted only to go for 3 miles so I would have a bit time left for lunch, but I got into the rhythm, and ran more than I should.

    Night run was much cooler. The temperature was around 70 degree. It was peaceful. I enjoyed being out in the neighborhood. I so love fall running.

    An interesting observation is if running is so good, why I don’t do it more enough. I wish I could run 24/7. But realize that running was not my full time. I was thinking what drive me out to run three to four hours each day.

    My answer is I get to think on spirituality. Usually one or two verses from the bible came to mind. I like to think on messages my pastor shared at the last meeting.

    Last night was on desire.

    You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
    Psalms 63:1 NIV

    I won’t call my running my god/idol. There is though a deep longing. Because of the longing I go for a run. After the run, I seem to be satisfied.

    Physiologically, it is endorphine and other chemicals mixing in my brain. However, I like to believe there is a deeper connection to nature and even something deeper, i.e., supernatural.

    This is kind of run I like. Yes, I like doing the mindless training too and running just so I can run faster. Last night I was able to cut my half marathon time by 10 minutes (2:40), that was cool. However, I like that quiet time, my mind could flow to and “meditate” on the metaphysical and deeper things.

  • anticipation

    Day 196

    I am going through a phase of soul searching. I know why I run and I already have next year planned out. I registered for a few of the races this week. And I am very excited. One of the races I signed up was the Richmond Marathon. I have been looking forward to this race for ‘many’ years. Richmond is the capital of my state. I read it is an amazing race to do. Couple of my friends has done it. I want to do it too. Virginia just has so many races, I can’t do th quick enough.

    A second race I signed up but couldn’t get in was Grayson Highlands. I was put on a wait list. I am in 6th place so there is a high chance I will get in as the race approaches. The race is next May. I can’t tell how excited this race means for me. I hiked there last year.

    My soul searching was not about to run or not to run. I know my interest in running is very high. Yet I feel some internal struggle that I can’t explain. I want to be totally devoted to running next year because I will be attempting 100 miles by end of the year and if I have doubt, I won’t able to do it.

    The feeling is hard to explain. I was trying to understand it. Whenever I run, I have clarity on everything, however, when I don’t run, my head is in the cloud.

    I came closure to what I am seeking. I call it ‘essense’. It is like the ultimate reason why I run. The real me. I think when I have clarity, I would be at peace with myself.

    I came close to finding my answer when I think out what I want three/five years from now. I have a plan for this year and next year, but I can’t see what myself is like in 5 or 10 years as a runner.

    It is kind of silly, because I don’t really see myself as a runner but a person who runs.

    Does it mattter? It doesn’t. I just do what I have been doing, sign up race and go out and run without much thought.

    Anticipation: I will have my first 50 miler this Saturday. I just don’t want to think too much about it. I am anticipate a fun weekend.

  • Some self motivation/reflection

    Day 194

    I run for the high. I felt I was doing something important during racing. All the hard work, planning, go into the race and I usually at my top condition.

    Now it has been a week since my last race. Things are calming down. I feel now I am searching for a purpose to run again.

    I can still go and run. It is a weird feeling. People know running a marathon is hard. For people who don’t run though, I feel they don’t get it. I don’t get it myself. These past feel days there were times, I think I got it (it was like a light bulb going off) then it disappeared. At the end of the day I ask myself so what?

    I run not for the medals. I run to beat my own time on the course. There is also the feeling being faster than others. I run to train. I also run because it makes my body feels good. Running loosen my muscles and clear my head. I run for the challenge. Deep down too I run sometimes to get recognition. I am doing something not anybody can do. A lot people around me can’t run at the intensity I am doing.

    I am looking ahead to next year. I want to some day soon to do a 100 miles run. I need crew supports. I wish there are others around me who I can do a 100 miles with. I might do the first 100 mile race without a crew.

    I don’t feel like running tonight. It is not just tonight, but the other night too. I sometimes just want to chill and coast through life.

    I did something useful between last night and today. I started planning for next weekend 50 miler. I had my pace chart prepared. A friend is going to watch me at certain points on the course and I have now a ball park estimate when I will pass a certain places. I am pleased with my accomplishment.

    These funky feelings usually occurred after a big race for me.

  • T-47:30:00.0

    No change. I woke up. There certainly some pain on my left foot and I don’t think it is cold feet. I think I can still run my race. I have to run. (more…)