Reason to be

I am running out of topic to post. The name of my blog “In awhile” means I haven’t posted anything in awhile. Sometimes, just laziness and I guess

this is just a reflection of myself. Life gets in the way and lack of motivation and overall not feeling well.

I do love journaling. In the past, I don’t write for others and even now I mostly write I don’t know, for just feeling well. It is same for running. Yes, I run for time, to beat my old record, but mostly I run to feel well. I am happy with WP, they must have post my blog somewhere that other people are picking up. I’m happy to have an audience and I also happy to read other people’s blogs especially from those who have read mine.

Yesterday I read on wellness from FitAmbitiousBlonde (posted 3 days ago, 11/14/18 entry). ( I wish I know how to use the link/talkback). I like it. I am to most people right now is extremely fit because I am able to run a marathon, but I don’t think I am well. I don’t purposefully treat my body well…except if it for running. Let me explain. Wellness is a goal we strive toward. I haven’t really work toward to have a better body. I abuse myself with running, with my sleeping habit and with my eating habit. I eat all kind of junks especially when I’m not training. I eat too irregularly and I sleep only couple hours each night, and usually with the light on and ‘unplanned’ falling asleep because I stay up until my body shutdown. I’m working myself to exhaustion. I’m definitely not having the optimal body. And I feel bad too. I guess just plain laziness.

But I do run and when I run, I want the fastest time. I now am a little picky on my food the day before my races and I do go to bed ‘early’ – forced sleep before my race. Haha.

Reading other people’s blog do have an effect on me to be healthier. And today, I want to be well.

The reason I started running too is to feel well (I want that peace I get while running). And I started writing is to feel well. Many times I feel I am on the verge of losing my mind. Run brings me back to sanity. Same for writing. I feel I am losing my mind, but as I write, I am able to clear up my thoughts and knowing someone out there maybe reading this.

Today, I was supposed to be going to camp in West Virginia. It is perfect weather and temperature. However, no matter how perfect a plan is, thing happens and plan canceled. It is not a big deal because there are countless other things needed my attention, like writing this blog, and later going to do some running.

Thank you all for reading.

PS. Reason to be – As those who’ve been following know that I like to plan… I wrote about doing this and running that race, see my bucket list, lol. 🙂 It is just because I am constantly thinking why am I doing things…why am I here… Raison d’etre. Why. Sometimes, many times, I don’t know why. We live because we react to the environment. I tried in the past to exert the minimal effort as possible and still be alive. I don’t know is the best answer to everything.

There are people I love and things I like to do. I think those things keep me going. I want to run another race is pretty much the reason I show up in the office for another day.

PPS. The real reason of the blog In awhile was to tell about how terrible my life (or work sucks) is…but somehow since the first entry I been writing other things than that. Every time when I sit down to write, I don’t want to think about what the bad day I had before but I want to write about what I want to do outside of work! If you guys like this, you are lucky.

Today is a beautiful day.

(End day 19) (Edited to fix various errors)