In awe

Day 166

I am in a funky mood. So I withdrew myself and drank lot of bubble tea. Heehee. I really want Coke but knowing they have way too much sugar to do me good.

The hike/backpacking trip affected me more than I anticipated both physically and mentally. I haven’t done any running. Mentally, I am feeling lazy and being lacking in discipline. Physically, I feel beat up and roughed up. The weariness slowing creeping on me. I lost quite a bit of toenails from the trip because I was wearing improper shoes and I was kicking rocks and roots throughout the trip. I tripped and felt once. My left ankle has a pulling pain – just a little almost not noticable but it is affecting me running gait. All the work left undone during the weekend caught up to me. Excuses I know.

Mentally, there are a lot on my plate. There are lot of pressure from work, personal issues, planning for next trips, social, … relational. Ah, Normally, when I go out for a run, all these things are silenced. I know I am just running away from them.

For example, I have a big trip coming up in December. I really have no issue with it. The plane ticket was purchased. I am going regardless of if the sky should fall. Yet, it is the biggest trip of the lifetime. I am going on it with my new found best friend. There are still a lot of preparation. Many of friends and family don’t want meto go. My coworkers and boss said I took too many trips already (they were weekend trips). Their complaints not withstanding but still it is affecting me mood.

I haven’t done a six days backpacking trip before. The longest I have done was really two days (4 if you count the first and last day of driving there and back). I have never traveled outside of the country by myself. So I am afraid – paralyzing fear. I think about it a lot.

Another thing on my mind is a friend has a bad relationship with someone and I am kind of caught in the middle. They are not talking to each other. I could care less but then as a Christian I am to show loving compassion to both. Their relationship is a mess. They don’t want me to be involved. I am thinking to myself, why am I even involved in this?

Running would take my mind off this. I will be doing three races this weekend. A marathon, a 5K, and a half marathon. It is the first time running so many miles. 42 miles total.

Oh my back is kind of messed up too from the hike. I couldn’t bend down this morning and it would hurt if my right leg crosses in front of my left leg. I could still run, just don’t do weird twist or foot work during it. Luckily it is not a trail run this weekend. I think the fall caused this. I pulled something.