In awe

Day 229

–I filed my taxes today! My office manager helped me. I can do it myself and I used to do it myself but for last six years, it was my manager who helped me. One less headache.

–It is safer to hike/backpack with a friend. That was a big idea I had while on the trail last weekend. I took several tumbles (more like a dozen times) and I could have been seriously hurt! Sometimes though it is hard to find someone to have the time to hike with you.

–Tonight message (from my pastor’s preaching), was mind-blowing when I started applying them to my running. What I distilled from my pastor was 1. Got to be transformed 2. image – we are transforming to conform to an image (a model) 3. breaking out of our present mold (reality) to glory. 4. meaning giving up something that is holding you back. There were more but I didn’t catch them

None of these were new to me but it was like a wake up call. Like why did I not see it before? Now my running will definitely improve. I know my pastor means changing our life and walk closer to God for eternal good in doing what God wants us to do in our present life. Yet what is more practical for me is about improvement on running. I was no longer falling asleep at this time through the sermon but was wide eyed. Preach more pastor! I want to be a better runner!

What this all mean to me is how to get out of my stagnation. I feel I am in a hump (really!) and am ready to change – breaking out. I want to get better at my running and I am not satisfied with my current progress. I feel my runs has stagnated. Because I have fallen into a rut and at time being complacent with my training. I know back in 2016-2017 I would set alarm to wake up at 4AM and run! That was some dedication. Even at 10 PM when my friend would call me, if I want to go to the gym, I would immediately say yes, count me in. Let’s go! I lack that kind of enthusiasm now a day. I prefer let me sleep in a bit more. A lot of junks (bad habits) have creeped into my life too.

How do you deal with not being the same as before? I have been running for 3 years and what do I really want to accomplish? If I want to run faster, I really have to reach that goal. Maybe I am getting older and so I am getting slower. This calls for a need to transform. But how do you do that?

One needs to see what is happening and change it. Truth. We need the truth (to see what we did not see before) and the truth will set you free. Truth is revelation. We are constantly learning. Take in and evaluate. Sometimes it comes in a dream. We need to start dreaming. I get my inspiration about my running while I am on the trail, and listening preacher’s sermon. I need to use my off days to learn!

Ask yourself what do I have to change. Change is hard because we have accepted what we currently are doing is right and we have to see that it as not right. We have to turn things up-side-down. We can’t do things the same way and expect to have a different result.

-Thought#2 – embrace change. That was the biggest breakthrough I had tonight. I hate change. A girl has turned my life up-side-down too and it was too much. I wanted my sanity back and what I am comfortable with. No more craziness. But just as I decided to take the easier path and the calmer choice, my pastor preached about change. Why changes require taking the harder path? Looking back the changes I have been making were rather small!! I need to embrace bigger changes boldly. Doing things differently. It could me losing myself in the process! It will no longer be the me I know afterward.

This means we are willing to take some pain. Not so much physical but it means sacrificing comfort and ease. Giving up time of doing certain other things we like. It means certain areas of our life have to be cut back. Priority. Someone told me recently, we see our priority in the things we actually do, not what we say we want to do.

Objectively, we do something because we like it. I secretly want to run faster each year. Realistically though, I will improve but I will never be out-of-this world fast. This brings us to set a reasonable goal or expectation.

visioning/image. We can do it only when we can see ourselves doing it. We have an image of what success is for us. We push ourselves to change/evolve to match that image. I have been doing that each season. Changing our expectation to a new reality.

I feel each quarter or each year, I am making myself new again. Three years ago (summer 2016), if you tell me to run a marathon, I would have laugh at you silly. I did not run then. A mile maybe, but not a marathon.

Things have become too easy for me lately. After 3 years of training, I need to step up again. Change starts today!

At the end of each service is an altar call, where we rededicate ourselves to do good once again. It is usually most uplifting time of the worship. You feel you could take on the biggest struggle! I need that each week. A time to reaffirm I can do the run. I can put down my distraction.

-No more half heartedness effort but a full commitment