In awe

Author: Antin

  • Got me thinking

    Day 135 / long post

    I pretty sure I wrote why I like to run some time ago. I think I did. If I had not, I am sure it can be pieced together from all my posts. It was kind of obvious why I run.

    My mother dearest spoke to me over last weekend after I finished the ultra and is preparing to do another, and basically asked me why I am so gunho on running and doing outdoor stuffs one after another. I will be running by myself another ultra (28 miles) this weekend, untimed and self hosted, in the woods, far away from any civilization (not true but to most people it is) and is moderately risky. There is probably that 1% of me not making it back, because of from lightning, bear attack, or falling off the cliff, or from a common cold (I am still sick) — all outdoor activities are inherently dangerous, or maybe from being in a car accident…there is a higher chance of that, since I will be driving back in the wee hour to do another race, a half marathon near home in DC. Joking aside, death is real. Ony last race it hit home when a gentleman collapsed on the course and pass away. Those around him tried to help him but it was not successful. I know the danger. It will about a 4 hour drive to get back. I will make sure I’ll get plenty of sleep before getting in the car after my 28 mile run.

    She said and I agree that if I am not running I’d be camping and if I’m not camping I ‘d be biking or swimming or doing this race or that. If none of those, I’d be traveling somewhere out in the jungle or in another country. There are constantly activities and there is no break it seems.

    I know she is not against my running. She has been very supportive and been to many of my races. She stressed I have to do things in moderation. I understood her point of taking things in moderation to slow down the wear and tear on my body.

    Basically I disagree with her about doing thing in moderation. The reason is there is not enough time in the whole world of I wait! While my body is still capable of handling the stress, I will increase in intensity. It is that word! My key word of the year. I am reminded of Hector in Achilles. I think it was Hector. He could stay back behind the city wall and not face Achilles knowing once he did he would die (at least according to their prophesy). But he rather die young in a blaze of glory rather than of old age. I think Achilles’ mom was saying the same thing to try to convince Achilles not to go into battle but Achilles was a spoiled brat for other reason. He sat out not because of his mother’s word but because he was sulking about his war spoil, a woman, being taken from him. Later, he rejoined the battle out of rage on Hector and it was all due to his own making, but he was blaming others for his own problem. Any way….

    I know Hector’s circumstance is much different than mine. The guy is fighting for the survival of his home and kingdom.

    I do know that by doing a lot now, it will probably shorten my life tiny bit. I’m pushing my knees to ruin – it is possible at least according to general consent. However, if I don’t push to do as much as I am able right now, who know in the future if I am able. One fact I do know is each year, my body is getting weaker and weaker – a process called aging. Time is fleeting. The energy level I have now in my forties would not be the same when I am in my fifties or sixties, generally speaking. There are always exceptions. We met an 80 year old man while hiking the Laurel Highland trail last month. He was about to finish 70 miles with only couple miles to go (a task not many of us is able to do) and he was carried a much much heavier pack than ours because he was old-school, while we the newer generation benefitted from having the newer and lighter gear. He blew us all young ones out of that mountain.

    The final point is why? She knows I want to run but where does it end? The answer is until my body can’t do it any more or my interest wane. Right now, I want to do more. So what then after I conquer my next challenge, say 50 miler marathon, or a 100 miler, or an Ironman. So what? I understand there is always something bigger out there. In a way her reasoning is, we shouldn’t even bother doing anything because we as normal people never really make it to the top.

    I am not doing it for a bragging right. I felt as long as my body is able to handle it, I will do it. Pain is insignificant because there is a joy in overcoming all obstacles to get to the finish line. I think there is an intrinsic value to set a goal and reach it. Hey, if I am good with other things like making money, I probably would focus my life on doing that. Running so far give me that peace and joy. Making money does not. Running, I can say it is something I am good at doing to a degree. Probably a non runner would not get it. I know I never be an Olympian but still there is a potential in me I got to reach for and be the best I can be.

    On a secondary point, each new challenge prepares me for the next one. Like a 5K led to a 10K and a 10K led me to running a Half marathon and a half led me to doing a Full. This year, I have been running Ultras and marathons are almost becoming a 10k for me. Not saying those races or events weren’t hard any more but they are no longer an end of the world for me. I did a 5K after hiking 26 miles two weekends ago, and that 5k was the hardest 5K in my life.

    There is no more answer to why or reason for my running. I kind of want to qualify for Boston, to be able run a marathon under 3 hours instead of 5. But that just a small goal. If I reach it, I would still continue to run.

    She gave an example that some people after all their searching and busyness and they come back to a full circle of where they started. They found what they found if they haven’t run all over the place they would see the answer sooner. Not sure what she is driving at. It sounds like I should sit and meditate on the essence of life and reach my dao. I don’t know.

    I don’t think I am searching for anything though. I felt every time I hit the peak, I could see a little more that only those who have been there could see. I got this from a web novel I read called Terror Infinity (a bad book with a bad ending, don’t read it). The main character reached a stage only he as a leader was privilege to get a glimpse of. It is hard to tell others what that was. Other characters in the novel just had to trust him that it was worth it for all the troubles and suffering he went through. It is a refining process.

    Right now I am still trying to wrap my mind on how to run or endure a 50 mile or 100 mile event. It just blows my mind that people did it and I don’t know how. I don’t know if next year I would be brave enough to tackle a 100 miler. Yes, they all say left foot, follow by the right foot and repeat until you get there.

  • Still sick

    Day 134

    I might have some type of bugs inside me. I haven’t felt well since the last hiking trip that was two weeks ago. Probably those ticks got me. I was sick though before the trip, so couldn’t blame on the ticks. I have been checking every day for the tell tell sign of Lyme disease. No sign yet. But I am not feeling fine.

    It has been almost every night that I am having a fever, or I think is a fever. I don’t have a thermometer to check. It was not hot like before when I was sick but it too uncomfortable to sleep. I sweated a lot in the middle of the night. I woke up swimming in sweat. Something is definitely not right. I’m tired and it is not running a lot kind, but being sick- low energy kind.

    I have no running nose, no cough. Physically well during the day. I was able to run a 50k though not at my best time but did it.

    My muscles feel crammy but that is probably from the run and not from being sick.

    I had a short 4-mile run yesterday. It was not one of those run you feel great afterward. It was raining too. I felt cold in the end. I never feel cold from a run. I took a long warm shower. I didn’t felt right for the rest of the night. Luckily as always I woke up fine again the next morning.

  • Race #3: Eastern Divide 50k

    Day 132 race report

    I got down to Blacksburg a day before the race for package pick up. I like able to avoid the rush. The drive was not that long but it felt forever. I could run a 4 and 5 hour race but I can’t stand driving four hours. I was going crazy and was verge of delirium for wanting to close my eyes for a bit. I stopped for coffee after two hours at Harrisonburg. The rest of the way was uneventful. The coffee kicked in about an hour later when I was near.

    I had about an hour and half to spare after arriving and I went up ti Mountain Lake (Pembroke, VA) where the race would end and nosed around on the state roads. I was not able to find the start line but I was driving around a bit on the mountain roads. The place is beautiful. I didn’t have a map with me so I didn’t want to wander too far. After an hour I got off the mountain and went back to town.

    I went to race director’s briefing. Aftereard had dinner and hit the bed by eight. I had to be up by 4:30 for the race.

    The race had about 10 miles of trail with a lot of running on the fire roads. I thought I would do well since it is really a road race. I finished in 7 hours. It was much slower than I anticipated. For some reason, I just didn’t have the energy to run. I ran maybe the first four miles and the last four and walked most of the way. I average about 4 miles and hour. It was a fast hike.

    The Cascade Fall was beautiful. I didn’t spent too much time looking at it before making the climb up to Butt Mountain. Then we ran to mostly on the ridge line to Wind Mountain. We finished it at Mountain Lake.

    I didn’t see the lake during my run. I was looking down and watching my footing the whole time.

    I probably wouldn’t do it again. I felt the elevation was challenging but the race was mostly boring. Physically I was challenged. I wish I was in a better shape. In the end It felt like a one long hike.

  • Surprised

    Day 131

    I was surprised in a bad way when my family doctor told me I have high level of cholesterol in my blood and that I should take medication to lower it.

    That scared the light out of me. I thought those kind of medications are for old people. My mom takes those. Wait, I am not young any more. Welcome to the party, I was told! My body is started breaking down.

    Though initially, I have some bias of taking medications, I am resigned to the fact that they do help. You can’t play around with this. I did some reading and concluded my doctor is right.

    I decided to take on a total life transformation, meaning, I will do everything in my life to live healthier. Three years ago, I started exercising by running, but not for health reason. However, I paid little attention on the food I eat or when I go to bed. Now I am seriously going to do all these things. I will count my calories intake and I will eliminate fat and sugar from my diet and if possible no more eating processed food. I was told my cholesterol level were high all my life, but now the news sinks in. I must do something about it. I want to live long enough to finish running in all 50 states.

    —-

    Here’s an update of last weekend. I caught a cold or a combination of a cold and heat exhaustion. I was sick the Friday night before the hike. My fever came back in the middle of the night and have been like that the last few days.

    I still went on the hike any way and did 26 miles. Luckily the fever left me during the day and my strength returned.

    I was more exhausted than usual at the end and went to bed early, like at 10. From the hike, I picked up a couple ticks and I still found one on me yesterday. Yike! I got careless and didn’t spray myself beforehand. Hope, I didn’t pick up any Lyme disease.

    Also from the hike, I got two giant size blisters on my bottom heels. They were painful during the whole hike. I think because I wore an old pair of socks and I didn’t pull them all the way up and they were wiggling at the bottom. So the extra bit was creating friction and voila blister.

    I tried popping them after the hike but was unsuccessful. I was too tired and couldn’t bend my foot to reach the blister. I started cramping whenever I tried reaching for it. Later the next day, I was able to pop them.

    I ran with the blisters on Sunday in the 5K race. I didn’t do so well. Finished at 27 mins. I was two or 3 minutes slower than usual.

    Funny thing was I showed up at the race course and there was nobody there. Because I mistakenly went to the wrong place. Luckily the real starting line was about a mile away and I got to it on time.

    I have been laying low the last couple days because of my illness. I am feeling much better today.

    I ran too last night. Every step reverberated in my head – I had a headache still from the cold.

    I’m hoping to be fully recovered by coming Saturday when I will tackle my 2nd 50K ultra. I will write all about it afterward.

  • Friday night

    Day 130

    I ran last night and did not feel good afterward. I was coming down with something. Last night was very hot and I might have suffered heat exhaustion. I was shivering after getting back to the office. I did not have any clothes with me other than my running shirt. I should have changed it out but didn’t. I felt terrible the next couple hours. My head hurt.

    I woke up this morning feeling better. As the day wore on, I knew something was wrong with my body. Headache came back and I couldn’t concentrate. Then I was chilled all over. My chest hurt. My whole body hurt. My joints and muscles too. I couldn’t move much. I felt a slight fever.

    I took an Advil before leaving work. The fever broke while on the way home. Now my strength returned. I am eating like crazy now to prepare for this weekend.

    As always there are a lot for this coming weekend. I will hike 25 miles tomorrow. Going to wake up early at 4 am. Base on 3 mile per hour we should finish in 8 ish hours. We plan to start at the trail at 8:30 and should finish around 5 with an hour lunch :). Probably we will skip lunch and finish by 4.

    Then on Sunday, I have a 5K. I haven’t focus too much on speed so my 5 K won’t be that good.

    In the afternoon, I and the other guy who is going the triathlon with me is doing some bike ride. We suppose to begin our training this week. I have been slacking off on my swim this week.

    As long as my fever doesn’t come back, I should be fine. I’m bringing couple of Advils with me.

  • Real story

    This life story from theDancingRunner could be a template for me to keep moving ahead in my running journey. I know I am not there yet but hopefully in nine years I can look back and say there where I was and now here I am. It is pretty awesome to read stories like this: https://thedancingrunner.com/2019/06/05/my-raw-and-real-running-journey-story/

  • Race + recovery

    Day 128

    I use the WordPress app on Android to write my posts here and I am delighted they finally updated it to a newer version. It might not be as good as the website version yet, but I am happy of some improvements I noticed.

    That has nothing to do with what I want to write, but I am a tech junky so it excites me.

    I did the Baltimore 10 miler on Saturday. The past few posts I mentioned how tired I was with my running, and I am still tired, but you know the cure for a tired runner is not to rest but to run some more!! Heehee! I am recharged from doing a 10 miler.

    In truth, the 10 miler was a struggle. Mentally and maybe physically too I was not ready for it. I finished it. It was not my fastest. Remembering in April, I did the Cherry Blossom 10 miler and finished it in 1:20. I finished the Baltimore 10 miler in 1:27. It was not really a harder course. There were some inclines but so did DC one.

    My goal was to finish under 1:30 and I did. The course was mostly an out-and-back. The first couple miles were in the zoo. Then we ran to the lake, I forgot the name of it. We then ran around the lake, which was a mile itself. We came back. We did a loop in a part of the zoo and arrived at the finishing line.

    I didn’t stop for water. There were a station like every mile apart. I did use the potty at mile 4 or so. I could have held in but I wasn’t going for time. It provided me much needed rest. I felt so good afterward.

    The day was hot. It was a fine day for running. I wanted to run fast but I didn’t have the air or breathing for it. I felt I was choking for air most of the time. My body felt like it was being stuck in first gear. Couple times I got into my rhythm, but I soon lost it.

    The last mile was hard. I had a bit of a surge going but people still was passing me.

    I glad to finished it. I am going for the king crab challenge. They offer a special medal for doing three races (Frederick half, Baltimore 10 milers, and Baltimore marathon). I had two out three completed.

  • Life

    Day 127 Special Edition (Two posts in one)

    Maybe because of the last weekend trip and I over extended myself, I am a bit under the weather. Physically it shouldn’t be that taxing since it was pretty much low mileage trip. 13-18 miles per day. We were on the trail about 6-7 hours each day and it was pretty relaxing compared to previous trips. I had done hikes where we hiked from dawn to dusk.

    However, we were rushing from point to point and that kind of worn our spirits. The two other ladies though seemed unaffected. Maybe it was just me who was tired. I like to take my time – if we get there we get there, if not, then make the best of it.

    Being pressed at all time get to me. I was stressed out with my own run these past two weeks. I have a marathon in two weeks and I don’t feel I am ready. I haven’t been running much since the last marathon. I ran about 12 miles per week since. I want to be ready for it. I hope to be able to pull a long run thos weekend – if only my body can handle it. Then taper a bit. Or the last two weeks really has been the tapering period.

    I was a bit stressed at work too. I won’t say much but there are a lot needed to be done. Somehow, some way, they will be done.

    Trying to sleep whenever I can, I took a quick nap during lunch the other day and another one on my way home. Those breaks were good.

    Mentally, I am all over the place.

    ===

    This was an old post I wrote on Tuesday but didn’t publish. The content is still relevant to be published. So here it is but it might be a bit repetitive to the ‘last’ post (126).

    I finally remember what I was going to write for post 126. It was originally intended for this post (127) . The ordering is a bit mix up but it is OK.

    Many people think I am awesome and did many crazy things (in term hiking, running, camping and all). It is because I only post things when I had something great to share. Many times though my days are pretty boring. Only maybe a weekend come around that I get to do something ‘exciting’.

    In my fellowship group this morning, we shared what would make a good life. We all kind of know the answer that we want to have a meaningful and purposeful life. We want to make a different in this world. Make things better. Not to just to take take take and then run the place (earth) down. We want to be happy. It is also a deep question to answer what can make us really happy. Ultimately it is point to something intangible and eternal.

    As I was pondering about this, a separate thought occured that I am reminded of my new year resolution. Every day, I want to be better myself (especially with my running). I have to consciously make that choice. I realized the past two weeks, I have been backsliding. I lack the intensity and the aggressiveness (and drive) I had before. The word that dawned on me was I want to be transformed. Radically changed. A total make over.

    My pastor on Wednesday spoke of what it takes to be transformed. People around will know if you have a relationship with him like people all around me know I have a relationship with running. I was going to tie it in on my last post with that idea but somehow it escaped me until now.