In awe

Category: life

  • Day342 wait for no one

    Time waits for no one. The weekend came and gone. I’m glad for it to have happened even though it was not something I planned and in fact I view most of family time as time away from training and that to me is bad! I was almost not there most of the time and that was kind of sad.

    I’m seemed as an ungrateful brat. It has been years since I took a trip with my family that of which is not running related.

    A lesson to be learned is to be still and enjoy the time to be with one’s own family!

    The time with your love ones are definitely precious and would not come again a second time.

    The trip was as perfect as it can get in term of time and location. I was just winding down a long series of training (GVRAT and GSER). As far as not being in convenience this is it. Location was not too far and not too near either.

    It was not the most beautiful place to go to but I would give 7/10 in term of pretty. All natural places are wonderful. I love having the campsite right by the lake and we could swim at any time. The water was warm and the lake is fresh (not swampy nor filled with mosquitoes). The sunset was nice. I caught the golden hour…one night and trees became golden, and the lake reflected the trees. Boom, we were immediately transposed to paradise.

    I think with any place, as long as the heart is at rest, you can see some amazing things. Sorry I didn’t take any photos.

    One night I watched the stars. It is beyond what words can describe of the stars out in the country side. We saw Jupiter. It was a good day to wind down.

    I have been running as much as I can during the day time (trying to still reach for GVRAT 1270 miles finish, so over the weekend I had to do 100 miles to reach thay goal. So all my waking hours was set for running.

    I ran a lot during the trip but nowhere near 100 miles, Total was around 50 miles. Also Friday and today I did not run much. More on that later. Basically I was only around during Breakfasts, Lunch, and Dinner. After the first day of putting in 33 miles I had blisters on my toes. One of them became infected. I am still limping from it. My mileage on subsequent days felt dramatically.

    The place was not the runner friendly place because the camp was tiny. All the roads in the camp only added up 0.4 miles. There were no trails.

    I ran out from the camp to civilization (Hwy 58) on the first day. That was about 3.5 miles. I spent the afternoon exploring all the parks and roads in area and that came up to about 30 miles. All roads are like single lane in the city undivided (meaning with no median or line) and also no pull off shoulder. If I run, I have to be on road. Yes it was very dangerous with cars flying by at 45 or more and it is about a foot from you! First day I was not scared but subsequent days it got to me.

    The second day was Sunday. We had a virtual Sunday Church worship (watched a video online). Then I spent the rest of the morning with the kids and to swim. After lunch I explored the forest there.

    This was an Corps of Enginneers Wildlife Management Area. I can see no one really go in there.

    The afternoon was hot and humid. I walked the first six miles, unable to get myself to run. My foot was hurting from pounding the pavement, and a bad blister festering on a toe (I didn’t know at the time). The body refused to move… Only after six miles it was able to run. Once it started moving, I enjoyed that tremendously. It was cooler by then. Evening was setting and I was rushing to get back for dinner. I did only 13 miles on the second day.

    The third day. I woke up with itchy feet. I actually couldn’t sleep much the night of. We had better weather too. The first night was stormy and water leaked into the tent (my fault of not setting it up properly).

    The second night I slept like a baby. The third night was hot and humid. I had my tent cover off, but still too hot to sleep. It was the itchiness that kept me awake.

    In the morning I checked my foot. Yup I got poison ivy somewhere during the weekend, probably in the Wildlife Management Area. I did crawl into some dense bushes and I saw some three-leave plants. Or there were times I stepped off the road into the shoulder and might have stepped into some poison ivy plants. Any way, the rest of the trip was very uncomfortable.

    The sun, humidity, itchiness, some mosquito bites, bad blisters, and poison ivy made my day.

    The whole trip was kind of weird in a way. There is definitely a lesson to be learned, like what if I didn’t run but have stayed in the camp and enjoyed like the rest? Then there would be no poison ivy?

    My mom said what if I just stayed at home wouldn’t I have my 100 miles then? Who know, it could have been worse.

    Time (or opportunity) comes and will be gone forever. While I went to the camp half-heartedly, there were some bright moments during the trip. My brother-in-law mentioned the trip to his team at work while on the way to camp but his whole team from work showed up too (uninvited) but it was quite fun. They liked him a lot (I guessed being almost six months only meeting online) and finally able to get together in person. Yes the 6-feet social distance is out the window. Spontanousness is what make a moment memorable. We made a lot of memories (we/they made a faux-pas, because they ‘partied’ allnight way after the 10 pm curfew hour, to the whole camp annoyance). There were no loud music though, just a guy refused to sleep due to the storm and just talking throughout the night. He set off his car alarm by accident too in the middle of the night. I had some good beer and food from them. The camp was supposed to be family friendly (meaning no alcohols)! It was a trip I won’t forget. The park probably won’t let us back though.

  • Day341 reality

    I have to accept the reality that to run back across Tennessee (virtually) within two weeks is out of reach for me in my condition.

    I had the ambitious goal of doing 250 miles this week and another 250 miles the next. I have ‘slowly’ trying to bring my miles up from 5 miles to 30 miles. My body still prefers running 5 miles. Beyond the 5 miles it bonkers. So I splitted my run into two. 5 miles during lunch and 15 miles in the evening. Doing 5 miles are great. 15 miles not so great.

    After 4 nights of running 15 miles, yesterday, the body relented. I walked most of the 15 miles.

    It reminded me back at the time I was in Atlanta when I was trying to run a hundred miles. It came to a point where the body can’t run any more and running is no longer fun. I felt I was 10 miles away from my home and couldn’t get back.

    I had blisters on my feet. I don’t mind the pain or the discomfort. It is just all my muscles are so tight. I don’t think I could squeeze any more out of it.

    Also I am suspecting my cardio has taken a hit. Last year I had Lyme disease and I know how that feel. I felt something similar. My performance is really poor. At least I am not yet fainting. Last year when I overexerted I fainted. I am also questioning whether I might contracted the corona virus. It is a respitory disease. My breathing is fine, just couldn’t run. Maybe it is really over exertion.

    Anyway for the GRVAT. I am at mile 901 and I need to get to mile 1270 to be considered ‘finished’. I have about 10 days left to do it. I could try to get mile 1000, there is an award for that. 10 miles each day is doable. 370 miles is too much to ask of.

    Weekend is here. Originally, I planned to put in 100 miles, 50 on Saturday and 50 on Sunday. Now scratch that plan. The body just couldn’t handle it.

    This weekend I will go down to Virginia Border to Buffalo State Park for a family camping trip. I don’t have children of my own, but I will join my brother-in-law and he will bring his wife and kids. My mom will be there too.

    Personally this kind of camping is not my kind of thing. I don’t like sitting around at a camp with nothing to do. There are the kids. I rather be hiking all day (or run) and only get to camp when we can’t go on further. Survival kind of camping is what I like.

    My mom will like it. It is her kind of camping. We don’t do it often enough. As I was growing up, money was tight and going camping was not our family thing. I really didn’t get on the camping stuff until a few years ago when I started running and discovered this whole world.

    My mom and brother-in-law though took the kids out for camping a few times every years. As for me, I think this is the first time joining them.

    Any way, it will be like a party. Indeed, my niece I think is turning 5 today, so we will celebrate her birthday at the camp. My mom’s birthday too is over this weekend. Obligatory I have to show up 🙂

    I know the kids will enjoy the trip. They are leaving for the camp today. I have work and so will join them tomorrow. Still debating if I should drive down after work…I’m afraid I might fall asleep behind the wheel.

  • Day337

    I have to mark this day. I had my first run since who know when. 5.5 miles. It was a combination or walk/run. Mostly walk. My body or aerobic level has eroded a lot. Usually I could do 10 miles without stopping. Wait I used to run for 3 hours straight without having to stop. Now I felt like a big elephant running down the street. Every couple steps I would have to stop to catch my breath. Maybe an elephant could run faster than me. Any way, it was a good run. It was 80 but felt like 90 degree. Nope, I didn’t see any meteor shower. Three times I almost was run over by a bike because I was looking up at the sky instead of where I was running. Yes, how could I run without looking at where I was running. The guy on the bike freaked out too 🙂 No I wear really bright color clothing and I had plenty of light on me. I need to put some reflector tape on me next time.

    The past few days I kept having stomach issue. Not sure what was going on. I am usually strong as an ox and I don’t fall ill. I can eat anything and not get sick. Perfect body for camping. But I have been having stomach issue lately. My bellyache came as I started running. I finished it any way. It went away after getting back and I after relieved myself. It might be my body is making excuses. However, I do have stay away from spices.

    Those Korean food has too much hot spices. I tried to stay away. The waiter guy at the restaurant warned me as I was buying it for my lunch. I ordered something that was described as Korean spagetti with spicy sauce. The waiter tried to confirm my order and said we don’t have spagetti here. I said I don’t mind substitute. No he actually did not want me order that dish. I showed the guy the menu – it was the first item. He said that really is not spagetti. I said I know. The menu is in Korean but they had Engish translation and it translated as spagetti. Then he said to me it is very spicy. He asked if I can take the heat. I said (and lied) I like spicy food. Are you sure you want it? Yes. I have been trying to eat spicy stuff since my former girlfriend likes them. The dish was not that spicy (it was Gochujang) but much sweeter than I expected, but I don’t usually eat spicy food, and my stomach contracted and burned until I went to the bathroom. I was a good dish though. I thought I couldn’t make it home. My stomach felt like it was going blow up. That’s me. Every time I eat spicy food, they burn as they go in and through the whole GI tract and on their way out. I do love Korean food.

  • Day336 cleaning up

    I am bad at this. I generated lot of garbage. Things just accumulate and after a while and hell what is all this crap I say to myself. So I started to clean up a bit unsucessfully.

    I found a picture back in 2012. The picture was one of my trainee gave to me after she quit the job and join the cheerleading at a the local NFL team. She was their ambassador. So she gave me her autograph. In my mind 2012 at least in context of the picture maybe was just a year or two away, but counting the date, that was 8 years ago! Why do I still have it? And not put away or trashed.

    I have many such accumulations all over the place. Should I toss it away? Should I keep it. Should I let it be? So I put it back on the desk on top of a pile of stuff. I do have any more meaningful stuffs lying around. I tossed away a bunch of ‘cheap’ art work my former girlfriend gave to me. Any way, that was my weekend.

    I actually started the clean up project a month ago. It was supposed a day job.

  • Day335 deep end

    I plunged myself in the deep end of whatever this is. No I am not in a pool. Month of July was ugly. It was not depression. I don’t have a feeling of a giant weight being pressed down on me like before during January. Instead, I am just out of steps with life and the world. I feel I am really out of sync with everything I do.

    I haven’t run much, maybe once or twice. Everyday I woke up and thought I am going to run today, but moment later, I decided to wait till evening and by evening, I would defer to morning. Really what is wrong with me.

    It is not just running but everything. Nothing really accomplished. I still went to work, working from home that is. I went physically into the company twice. I thought change of environment would be good, but it made no difference. I might though going to go into the company more often. I think our business would ‘reopen’ in September, if not by October. Glad July was over.

    I went camping once. It was glamping – glamorous camping. Yet it was almost a disaster. I forgot to bring the stove and fire. Also no ice box on a 100 degree weekend (38C). It was not a last minute thing, but my packing was last minute. And guess what, I found my fire lighter in my pack once the trip was over. What did I eat? I stopped by a chick fil A on the way there and ordered two chicken sandwiches. Was glad the food was not spoiled by the next day.

    July was like that. I felt into one mishaps after another. Nothing really critical but it is just annoying. I feel really foolish. I don’t know what I am going through. Maybe it is cabin fever or whatever it is.

    Thank for listening to my ranting.

  • Day334 enough goofing

    After watching tons of videos I think I got this. At first I was surprised the fact some streamers quit their day job/schools so they could stream full time. It got me thinking if there is really that much money to be made in being a streamer / or video uploader?

    The answer I found is yes and no. While the top few streamers are definitely made enough money to be comfortable for the rest of their life as an average person, it is no where near when compare the ‘main stream’ media in Hollywood or other sport celebrities are making in their field.

    Streamers are still very poor compare to the tradition entertainment/media. Yet, this new media is definitely taking the world by storm and has turned everything up-side-down.

    Now anyone can be a streamer. The barrier to entry is quite low. All you need is a computer (or phone), a video camera, and a mic.

    I got to say though, 99% of the streamers act and talk the same way, given maybe the demographic is quite young (teens or early twenties). They are just copy cats. (As an aside, I love PewDiePie, how he sits on the floor and stream, being non-traditional or counter to the cult he started, though he is definitely still the leader).

    It made me think back to when I was in middle/high school where I had to do fund raising for a club or for a trip. Streaming platform now actually doing this with the young crowd – raising money through them.

    I have been watching videos on Facebook, Youtube, and Twitch. They all have some type of payment system for fan to give money! Twitch is even one step further to have a “goal” build in and is visible on their video. It gives a viewer a sense of participation. I got to give and I got to help out the streamer in reaching his/her goal.

    My thought is the platform is using the streamers to farm for revenue! Yes the platform is making money from advertisment as well as a cut from the viewer’s donation!

    It seems the big platforms finally have a way to to monetized social media in a very big way!

    They got even the little guy to buy into their system. Those that have one or two viewers, and those that have thousand of viewers. And any who made it into the millions are gods! They all doing the same thing and accepted the platform as the fact of life, and that they have to give a cut, because they don’t have the bargain power!

    Past couple weeks I have been just following the gods. I didn’t know much of them at first, but now Mr Beast, PewDiePie, Pokemane, Graham Stephan, etc. ya, I know them.

    My experience is most of the time, I just can’t stand the randomness of their aimless chats or stunts. Watching them is like watching the Disney channel. I am way over of their target age group. I felt like almost a grandpa to them! Most are in their college/high schooler age, but they all talk like they are still in their early teens! For a long time I too live like a teenager and way into my adult life. In a sense I still miss those days of playing games and hanging out with friends doing stupid stuff. (DudePerfect videos, you get what I mean). I still love minecraft and many other video games.

    I got to give it to them though. To be able to draw a crowd, no less a million plus people to their content is a big accomplishment and naturally there has to be a way to compensate for their time and effort. Most of these people are not one-off. They have talent to consistently entertain people (the mass) daily! Their videos go “viral” every single upload.

    My favorite so far is a minecraft player, named TechnoBlade, who was considered to be the best pvp, player battling against player. Though now some say he is no longer the best, but he is still very very good.

    I like all his videos because he is considered a dark horse and out of no where he comes and take the win. He is devious, at least that how he portraits himself to be. (Watch the Potato War). But I like how he is also “clean” in his speech – he said he does not curse so as to stay on the channel and not be banned, Because he wants his money! I think he is a good guy.

    I just love the most is the way he thinks and it is borderline psycho…. Somehow I found that is so thrilling when I watch his videos. He is just bad (but in a very good way). I want to be just as bad as he is! A rebel! People just hates him and afraid of him. Yet he helds no personal grudge. He just likes to dominate in a game and he is so good at it. His videos are very long (full stream of 3-4 hours) – he does not edit much.

    He sometimes go into telling random stories. He is very good at that. For example he went into a long way of telling that he lost his soap box one day during his college years, by telling us about lasagna and chocolate bars. Not sure how they were all related, or anything got to do with the video game he was playing. But it was very entertaining nonetheless, because you feel like it has something to do with what he was doing or about to tell you. In the end, it was just one big story that doesn’t got to do with anything. Some viewers blame him for being click bait. Because you would expect there would be some conclusion or significant why he is telling you, but none. It was all for entertainment to keep you on the stream as he played his video game.

    So what this all about? Well there are entertaining stuffs out there even if it is just mindless chattering. Maybe something for everyone.

    -Some are paid well enough that they quit their normal jobs.

    -My observation (feeling) is that the big guy (corporations) is actually not giving these streamers enough of the advertising money they are getting.

    -Hard to say…but it does open up a new market place. New jobs for the millenials / post-millenials. In a way I feel sorry for them.

    -Society as a whole are now turning away from the traditional media (claiming they are fake), and turning to the new “social” media.

    I’m more on the boomers side because I like my content to be coming from the mainstream media (the establishment) and not from the everyday joe. I get my news/entertainment from NPR and CNN, NYtimes, etc. The boring stuff, are the stuff I like!

    What this mean to me? It never occurs to me a cultural shift is taking place and is accelerating.

    I never have considered myself as part of this. But now evaluating that I am part of this new media age because I am a blogger!

    My Worpress blog would not able to make much money or any actually. But I am out there too to gain “followers”, and “paid-subscribers” and “viewers”.

    The idea of making money off of sharing the normal life experience seem to rub me the wrong way and maybe to you readers as well.

    However, that is what some people are doing, and they are very good at this too. We just don’t realize it. I would too be going into all the streaming if I am good at it.

    It makes me evaluate who I want to sponsor/support. I have been giving a few dollars here and there to various people I follow (like the hikers, Patreon people, freelance programmers, and gamers).

    That now to me is the craziest thing because without realizing, I might be giving to people who really don’t need my support because they are definitely well to do (for example Mr Beast), though they all say they want your sponsorship!

    I understand about fostering the things (art) you enjoy so that the artist could continue to produce their content.

    I am not saying don’t support them, but realize that they maybe making tons of money off you and laughing all the way to the bank.

    I have a lot to say about Mr Beast, because his videos are ones I enjoy a lot, but I will leave it maybe for a future post (hedonism, and insane money giving – not jealous here; just interesting observations).

    I have just randomly chatted away like one of those videos I watched. Have a good night. Click bait.

  • Day333 content

    I like special numbers. There is a thing my friend got me started. Like if you look at the time and the number repeats itself, such as 09:09 or 12:12, I would make a mental note – Hey this is special I should pause and remember it! Crazy right!? I have been doing it…for years…it is not like I am at 12:11 and wait for it to turn 12:12. It has to be unexpected. You would think it comes by every hour and every day, but usually such occurance is rarer than you think and that you only notice it comes only every once a while.

    Another thing I do is if the month and date ended up repeating, e.g., Aug 8. This I do try to remember and wait for and I try to line up the time too Aug 8, at 8:08. I usually miss it too. I missed July 7 by a couple days.

    Any way, I like to make a wish during that time. Call it Prayer or whatever. That is my special moment. You should do it too.

    What all this random gibblish all about? I watched a lot of Youtube videos over the weekend. They are really all gibblish but they are also so attrative, that I can’t pull myself away. They draw eyeballs, at least mine!

    I have been thinking too I need content for my blog. Not that drawing eye balls is my goal. For me, since day one I didn’t expect readers/followers but was so happy too when I got a few followers on my blog. There are a ton of bots or zombies but they are okay — nothing I can do. This is a public blog so…even if it is private I don’t think you can kick bots from following.

    I feel blogging is like doing a youtube video, except maybe a lot easier. You have to put a lot of time and planning in a video even if it is just random gibblish.

    So the concern of a youtuber is a blogger’s concern too. By thinking too hard on having content, it becomes like one of those youtube vids, zero content, but people still watch them.

    I just wasted a post…Day 333 should have been a special blog post. Heehee, maybe this contentless post will draw in some eyeballs.

  • Day332 Youtube-1

    I caught up on Youtube over the weekend. I have been living under a rock!

    I didn’t know many of the Youtbe celebrities (US). In 2019 one of the biggest news was PewDiePie was being surpassed in ranking of the most subscribed Youtube channel by an Indian music channel and Mr Beast was doing a campaign to save him by asking people to subscribe! I didn’t know either of them at the time (I might have watched some Mr Beast Minecraft videos, but I didn’t pay so much attention at the Youtuber.

    I saw the Super Bowl and saw Mr Beast’s stunt there but his message was totally over my head at the time. My relatives who were watching the Super Bowl with me was asking me what was that about!

    I had my laugh this weekend watching many of their videos. Don’t even get me start on Twitch.tv, which tries to emulate Youtube success.

  • Day331 Your Turn

    I don’t usually share other people’s content. I just don’t promote other people’s sites or writing. It is just not me. Maybe because if I draw attention to other people, I will draw attention to myself. And my MO is not to draw attention to myself.

    But I just came across a content I just want to share. I have been thinking of “how to remake my life”. Not sure why I want that to be in quote. I feel like and I know it when I started this blog is that this is my life project. I want to make a new version of me to chase after my dream, and this blog would hold me to that promise.

    The video from Tim & Fin resonates so much. I watched their travel video to Vietnam and I was saying to myself, I want to to do that. Is it possible to get on a bike and travel across a foreign country without knowing the language or culture (I’m from Vietnam but to me it is foreign land).

    So here it is. Of course it is on Youtube.

    Watch it and tell me what you think.

    I might not be as radical as them to quit my day job and travel around the world. However, it does draw to the fact what is more important in priority. Doing the things you like and have your work support what you do – even if it calls for quiting the normal 9-5 job.

    They are really smart people.

    Their other videos are great too. I haven’t watch much, because I just discover their channel.

  • Day328 some math

    I spent a few days exploring various models hoping to get a sense of where this coronavirus is heading. Since I was planning a trip back to Atlanta, and I hear all this news about a surge of infection and I can see that myself, so I was trying to see if there is a maximum and how long will it last.

    The short answer is no one knows. I think when I arrive in Atlanta it might be the peak of the crisis.

    Things are not looking good in Atlanta. They are having 4000 infections a day in Georgia, and it is possible they might get to 10,000 like in Florida and Texas in next couple weeks. (Made me wonder on Georgia, Florida, Texas, or Arizona’s reopening stategy)

    10,000 is high. I don’t think will ever get to 20,000. I finally understand the magnitude of the number. I was before thinking hey we have a million people in a city and 10x that in a state, 10,000 is just a fraction (1%, or 0.1%). Many people were saying the news are over hyping the severity of the pandemic.

    I almost attempted to do my own forecast but I found many models were already available on the web. One was the SIR. (there is a website from someone making this very easy).

    It divides the whole population into three groups, the Susceptible, the Infected and the Recovered.

    An observation I had, was most models focus on the initial weeks of the spread where the infection point is small (like 1-1000). The time frame was usually the first 4-8 weeks.

    I need a model where we are in the midst of the pandemic, where the infection is every where! And it is no long weeks, we are into months.

    Another observation is most models (99%) expect to reach a steady state after a time, that is the infection would die out! This might be true with most outbreaks. Did they say there could be a second wave?

    The total of infections/deaths curve when graphed would be an s curve (logistic curve). And the rate of infection would be a bell shape.

    Seeing some S shape curves in a few states make me to believe too the pandemic was over.

    Something I didn’t understand when I took the probability class in college when the professor kept talking about density function and I kept thinking what the heck it has to do with density.

    Suddenly after couple decades, it connected. I was dividing the rate of infection by the population and graphing it. It came to me this is a density curve. I had an ureka moment. This stuff is related to probability. You can calculate the sum of the area under the curve to find the probability of an event (I used to hate words like that: Event, Random Variable, Function)

    Summary/out take. I stopped my work. I am too lazy to pull data and do the math to carry it to the end. It takes too much time and effort. Playing around with different models I had some learning experience and it was useful. The practical aspect is I might be arriving in Atlanta at the peak of things this time around. Does this change my mind about taking my trip? Probably not.

    Morality side: there was a sense of ‘righteous’ anger from people when they saw certain segment of the society blatantly ignoring social distancing by going to bars and beaches in the middle of a pandemic just for their pleasure, making the pandemic worse for everyone. I do too, so I have to balance out whether to travel or stay at home. (I heard this on NPR on Friday morning jul 24, also social shaming might not work so well).