In awe

Category: life

  • day252 – coping being stay put

    Day 252

    I was reading my own posts last weekend and had to use my site navigation (the theme sucks and yes I know, the navigation navigation drives me nut, and so does the infinite scrolling) because I want to discover some pattern / big picture in my life, since I was writing a summary report. I could change site theme of course. Some day, I will get it to my liking.

    Well the only way I finally able to get around my site was by searching. Thank you for whoever put it there. Unfortunately the site doesn’t index by my personal dating system (I knew that) and many other things. Like, I want to read the blog of day #20, it just can’t find it. I imagining my blog being a book (or a physical journal, I want to flip to page 20, but it can’t do that except to infinitely scroll there and if you are not careful by hitting the back button you have to start all over again! I know a webpage is not a book. Still! It is one of those complaints about digital medium. I wish I could read it like reading on Kindle – that is a digital medium done well.

    WP search engine is pale in comparison to Google search. Sure I probably could use Google to search my site, but that is another story. By using WP limited search capacity, I learned a trick here and there in the way I of leaving better key words so to enhance it searches/indexing power. Isn’t it frustrating when you know something (a post I wrote) should exists but can’t find it? It all comes down to indexing.

    I found that they index the title, duh. By playing with it, I learned now how to search for my posts. Yes having unique key words is very important and tagging them too.

    Sorry, I got sidetracked and don’t remember why I am writing this and lost my train of thought. Yes, playing with WP is entertaining, but there was probably another reason I was writing it beside being geeky. O well.

    I received an email from my DC Rock N Roll marathon organizer giving me options to replace the canceled race (supposingly taking place today) due to the coronavirus. Oh boy, they offered so many choices! A word, most other races just give you one or two basically, sorry you can’t run but we take your money any way. Think of it as a donation to a good cause. Not this one. I have until April 4 to choose one.

    Here they are:

    1. Move to half marathon or 5K distance in 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll Washington D.C. Half Marathon: Nov. 7, 2020

    2. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll Virginia Beach Half Marathon: Sept. 5-6, 2020

    3. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll Philadelphia Half Marathon: Sept. 19-20, 2020

    4. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll Oasis Montreal Marathon & 1/2 Marathon: Sept. 19-20, 2020

    5. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose Half Marathon: Oct. 3-4, 2020

    6. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll Denver Half Marathon: Oct. 17-18, 2020

    7. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll Savannah Marathon & 1/2 Marathon: Nov. 7-8, 2020

    8. Free transfer to 2020 Rock ‘n’ Roll San Antonio Marathon & 1/2 Marathon: Dec. 5-6, 2020

    9. Free deferral to 2021 Rock ‘n’ Roll Washington D.C. Marathon & 1/2 Marathon: March 27, 2021

    Montreal and Savannah seem like ones I would like. But I probably choose option 0, that is to do nothing (no running) and they will take my paid entry fee as a donation to them.

    Good day y’all. I will begin my weekend of doing nothing but playing game and staying inside.

  • Review 20.7.250* (Quarterly)

    Day 250 / Spring

    It is finally day 250. Thought it couldn’t come soon enough.

    I do a report or review for myself and those who only come read my stuff ever now and then. If you only want to catch up on what I have been doing in the last 3 or 4 months, this should be the entry to read. This page will be bookmarked on the bookmark page.

    If you want to see what going on 5-6 months ago, you can read my previous entry (19.6).

    I am debating between two different approaches, whether to do a strict review of what occurred between now day 200 and now, or do a snapshot of what life is currently like for me of this very moment. I am leaning toward the snapshot and like to digress into free-write. Here we go.

    The reason for doing any of this is to allow me to take a step back and see a bigger picture what my life is like. Sometimes we are focused on the much day to day, that we miss a bigger narative – or the interesting thing that is happening in our life. I hope and want my life to be meaningful. I hope by doing this I am a bit closer to reaching my ideal. I believe life has meaning and we are building on it day by day.

    As I was running tonight (last night now), the covid virus was heavily on my heart, since one of the pastors I know is infected (a good friend too). This stuff is serious. There is a chance the person might day. How that affect me? I might die from the pandemic too. We don’t want to think about that but it is a reality. Am I ready? Am I satisfied with the direction of my life?

    It is easy to say, I am not worry. I have been living out in full. But am I really?

    I can die happy because…of Chile.

    My high point this quarter was trip Chile with my best friend and did the things I only dreamed of twenty years ago (yes, that long). The trip though truly was horrible. I could have gone with a better companion, but it had to be her. She was mad at me the whole time – she had been mad at me for three months beforehand and it all culminated on this trip, where things boiled over – the tipping point as you would call it. Why couldn’t we resolve our differences? Life is strange. People are strange. That was the back current to what was the most unique experience I had. Do I know why she was mad? She told me much later after the trip but to this day, 6 months later, I still don’t get it. Some things are just too hard for me. Sometimes, there is just no solution.

    Yet the trip was also the highest point in my life for many reasons. It was such an unbelievable trip – it was like climbing Mt Everest for me. I didn’t write enough about it. (Patagonia). It is not so much what we did but what we experienced together. Traveling with friends indeed is so different from traveling alone. I am not exaggerating. I hope to do more of it and if the same person if fate allows. It is a hard call if I know what was going to happen beforehand, would I still go? I don’t know.

    Then there was one month (6 weeks) of no activities. I don’t think I wrote much about it. It was one of the worse depression in my life. I really did not train seriously until the end of January (week1). At the time too, my finance situation was near melt down. For the first time in my life, I was wondering if I have enough to pay my bill and where I can get food. I was worry that money wouldn’t come in for my rent and that the check would bounce! However, last three months I have been better at controling of my use of money and finally some breathing room before this coronavirus hit. There were several entries I wrote about no money to sign up for races! That’s big when I had to give up on running in a race.

    Luckily. I did run in one race in Carlsbad, California CarlsbadMarathon. It is a beautiful place. I went there for my cousin’s wedding and was able to do a race the next day. My outlook regarding life improved. During the trip, my friend who I went to Chile with, also called – we finally spoke to each other after 3 months (seriously I didn’t know).

    Most of the time after that was training and more training. I was supposedly to train for a series of ultras and marathons I would be doing starting next week to the beginning of summer (previous race plan). Many of these races won’t be happening any more. The DC Rock-n-Roll and the Blue Ridge Marathon are canceled. It was funny when I planned 5-6 months ou t, no one could imagine it would turn out like this. I did couple overnight training trips for the Laurel race (LH1, LH2, and LH3/4). Both times were in snow. Interesting learning experience.

    Ran my last utra before the corona COVID-19 thing got serious (SenecaCreek). I thought I wrote a report on the race, but didn’t. It was briefly referenced in my weekly run su mmary. I didn’t treat the ultra as a race but more like a weekend long run, hence no race report. Actually, the race was quite good. I should do a serious report on it.

    Finally, I did some planning here and there. Nothing too concrete. I did some ‘preaching’ to myself to motivate me. I think they are fun to read. I usually borrow my pastor’s material. I call them Faith-running, that is to turn my belief and apply them to running. (transformation, thoughts, vision/goals, and resolve )

    Am I on track with my goals? who knows. I wish I have a big master plan. I am more of living from day to day, month to month and year to year. Planning isn’t my strong suit.

    I do try to run a marathon in all fifty states (I have done 8 so far). I am only limited by time and money. I hope too in a few years to run across the US continent (I haven’t written about this). It is a bit ambitious and requires careful planning. I want to hike the whole Appalachian Trail too (thru-hike), and that will be in a few years. My progression into longer and longer races is going on well. I haven’t run a 100 miler yet, and looking to do one either at the end of this year or the next. I have a huge race calendar on a Google spreadsheet and have been ticking off a race here and there. My goal is to do what I can do when I still have strength. It is getting harder each year at my age (true!). Aging is a reality. So I hike, run, and push myself to the max, because someday, I won’t be able to do at the level I can do at the moment.

    What’s next? I hope the coronavirus won’t cause more cancelations of my races. Couple of my races in May an June are on the fence. Of course the Laurel race (70.5 mile race) in June will be my biggest race of the year. The next report will cover it if it ever take place plus some virtual runs I will be doing meanwhile.

    *meta: I changed my numbering system. 20.7.250 means 20 for 2020 the year, 7 is the 7th review since the beginning when I started writing a monthly/quarterly review, and 250 is my date numbering from day 1. It goes from the significant to less significant. The day numbering usually get lost because we are not that good at counting beyond 10. Soon too the number of reviews will get too big to be meaningful. But the year, that is something fun and our brain can zero in.

    Why adding in the date? It makes it looks mysterious. It is like a software version triplet.

  • no dramatic weekend plan

    Day 249

    With each day like the day before of sheltering in place, this would be the first weekend without real clear plan.

    With most races canceled, why bother to train?

    I guess I will still do some running, before that is prohibited. In France, people were not allowed to jog or bike. So, it probably will happen here also if things get worse. It probably will get worse.

    My local area (my county) has only 16 cases as of early morning. We have 5-6 counties in the Washington area (3 counties in VA). Probably adding all up is about 100 cases.

    Still, the rate for my state is increasing. So soon I expect my area to probably reach 1000.

    I got sidetracked. Yes, do what I have to do before we really have to be locked in. Yup there are still some people outside. Restaurants are not banned yet. There are restrictions in place but not banned.

    Traffic on the road is less but not zero.

    Yes, I still semi training to hoping to run some virtual races. The Marathon Maniac have some virtual events! Yes! I am excited. I also want to run the Ronoake race as a virtual race on April 18. It would be 52.4 mile long. More on that when the day get closer.

    That’s all. Sorry for the noise. I wanted to post something so I can get to my 250th post!

  • coronavirus is changing my life around

    Day 248

    I guess I am not the only one affected but many people around the world too.

    In this corner of the world since we had our first case on March 7, things are changing day by day. Our government at various level declared a state of emergency. They always added that not to panic, the declaration was done so they could access special funding from a higher level of government.

    There was a kind of disbelief at first that this is in our city. Then there was the panic. I believe on March 7, I still ran a marathon. I glad the race was held. I know it was a hard decision. If anyone got sick from the race, the media would have been all over it.

    As of last week (Wednesday), our workplace started allowing anyone who wanted to work from home can work remotely. I think 80% of the staff took the offer. I was one of the few who was still going into the officw until they banned the general public from using the subway.

    Then last Friday, the word got out, and there was a mad dash to the mall/grocery stores. By then almost there was no toilet paper available in the whole city. People were stockpiling weird stuffs. I was at Costco thinking to buy their inexpensive rotisserie chicken for lunch. We couldn’t get through the crowd. The check out line was all the way to the back of the store. I left empty ended. I had Costco pizza instead.

    I have been working from home the last two days. I tried to keep the same schedule as if I wad going into work. I got up, showered, dressed. Instead of commuting, I had time for breakfast, a real breakfast and not just a piece of bread I normally stuff in my month as I rush on the road, eating while driving. Nope, now I had a sit down breakfast.

    The day was pretty normal. I worked actually longer hours remotely than when I go in.

    I tried to go for a run after work. I worked until 6 each night. Tonight I had to work a little bit longer. Time seemed go by quicker. I missed the normal office interaction with my coworkers. Yes, it is a bit more quiet at home.

    I was not as tired now, saving time from not having to go in to work is a plus. I could run longer. I had more time! Yesterday I ran about 13 miles in 3 hours. Not a fast pace but it was very enjoyable. Today I did 12 miles in 2:22.

    I have a roomate who works in the food industry. His life is definitely affect by this since no one goes to eatout any more.

    The coronavirus has caused all of us to stay put. In the coming days, it might get worse. I keep on imagining it would be like one of the scary movie like World War Z or Residence Evil. I don’t know. Or maybe I am Legend.

    The last two nights, as I ran around the neighborhood, it seemed like the city empties itself out. It was such an eerie feeling.

    I don’t know how to close this post. Let life goes on.

  • bit of everything

    Day 238

    I am a bit sleepy so I will try to make this quick. I feel if I don’t write something, I might never get to it.

    This weekend is everything I want it to be. I totally exhausted myself. I did a 50K on Saturday (the full report will hopefully available some day). I love it a lot. Challenging and fun.

    Then on Sunday I had my normal long run. Let me tell you, I almost did not survive the run. Five miles into it, the temptation was there to call an uber to pick me up. I in the end struggled through. It was one of my slowest long run…finished in 3.5 hrs.

    Any way, I also did another race in the morning – a 10 miler. I really want to write a report for this since it was only possible from the tax refund I received earlier last week. I thought I was running fast, but I finished of a time that was’t that impressive. But I had my thrill. It was a hard race though.

    Moving on, next weekend I will go back to PA for Laurel #2 run. It has been one month since I went there. Time is moving so fast. I will write more about Laurel #2 in a separate post. I just want my readers to know I am happy and can’t wait to get there for another training run.

    More news. I booked my flight for Bolder Boulder Race (in Colorado). The ticket was not cheap at all. Many were saying no one flying any more, so in theory you can get cheap airflight. (I will write more about Boulder Trip).

    There you have it.

    (some minor post editing)

  • Let get the show on

    Day 237 / weekend

    It is almost a typical weekend, all peaceful and calm before the storm.

    COVID19 is getting everyone on their nerve in the US. As a runner, I am kind of nervous since I signed up many races months beforehand and would not like any of them to be canceled.

    While watching the status of my much smaller local races (the Reston X Miler (10 Miler) and the Seneca Creek Greenway run), since the State of Maryland has declared a state of emergency, I couldn’t help but drawn into the discussion about the LA Marathon. California too has declared a state of emergency. Personally, if the governor declared an emergency all should treat it as one. But many people do not. Many runners joked about 6 feet of separation the health officials advocated to runners and fans of the LA Marathon. We laughed about it since both races will be on this weekend. Mine is on a much smaller scale of several hundred people, but still the risk is there with any gathering of people of possible contagion.

    As a runner, I wouldn’t want my race to be canceled. My race director sent out couple emails confirming our local race is still on in spite of everything.

    And so, I got myself to bed early and hauled myself up before the crack of dawn. Here I am toeing at the start line.

    This would be my 2nd big race of the year. Yes, there will be many more to come. This is like a testing run, a first trail marathon (50K) for the year.

    I will write more when I finish the race.

  • transformation

    Day 236

    I have been thinking much about it and did not have a handle on last Wednesday message. Given I arrived late and missed two third of the preaching, I did try my best to zero in on the closing point.

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
    II Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

    I have been thinking that transformation is a gradual process, at least for me, I feel I haven’t improved a lot. It is only through looking back after some time has passed that I can see I am no longer what I used to be.

    My pastor reminded me it required a deeper change – actually a total change from inside (being a new creation). We have a new identity. I don’t know how this is related to running. I tried not to. He even prayed at closing that the hearers would understand the message in the right way and not twist them or corrupt them.

    One thing we do forget is that we are so used to our old ways of doing thing and we forget we have been made new. This I can relate to running.

    I said I was going to change. I was going to wake up earlier on Wednesday and I would run in the morning. But I haven’t. It is so easy to just stay in bed after the alarm rings and I have been doing so for the ladt three weeks.

    Transformation is realized we are no longer the same. We have to put to death our old self.

  • Random Friday sort-of

    Day 233 / weekend

    A plug for my friend Isaiah Day who started this blog Player Development for athletes. I am anticipating his interview with an ultra distance runner next Tuesday 3/3 @10:00 ET.

    More info about the interview can be found on his group Facebook page. ah…it is hard to link to FB.

    Other news: This weekend probably won’t be much different.

    Saturday! I will be hiking with my buddy K. No running… otherwise I would intimidate her. Actually I have seen her hiking faster than I can run on the trail. She is a downhill specialist.

    We will be going to BuckHollow. It is one of my training destination. I have been lonely training for last five weeks and I have a partner to join me this weekend.

    Sunday: Running the Pot of Gold 10K, which I wrote about in the previous entry. I am excited.

    Rest of the day, I hope to squeeze in some long run.

    There is actually quite a lot of things to do. Weekend is too short.

  • thoughts

    Day 229

    –I filed my taxes today! My office manager helped me. I can do it myself and I used to do it myself but for last six years, it was my manager who helped me. One less headache.

    –It is safer to hike/backpack with a friend. That was a big idea I had while on the trail last weekend. I took several tumbles (more like a dozen times) and I could have been seriously hurt! Sometimes though it is hard to find someone to have the time to hike with you.

    –Tonight message (from my pastor’s preaching), was mind-blowing when I started applying them to my running. What I distilled from my pastor was 1. Got to be transformed 2. image – we are transforming to conform to an image (a model) 3. breaking out of our present mold (reality) to glory. 4. meaning giving up something that is holding you back. There were more but I didn’t catch them

    None of these were new to me but it was like a wake up call. Like why did I not see it before? Now my running will definitely improve. I know my pastor means changing our life and walk closer to God for eternal good in doing what God wants us to do in our present life. Yet what is more practical for me is about improvement on running. I was no longer falling asleep at this time through the sermon but was wide eyed. Preach more pastor! I want to be a better runner!

    What this all mean to me is how to get out of my stagnation. I feel I am in a hump (really!) and am ready to change – breaking out. I want to get better at my running and I am not satisfied with my current progress. I feel my runs has stagnated. Because I have fallen into a rut and at time being complacent with my training. I know back in 2016-2017 I would set alarm to wake up at 4AM and run! That was some dedication. Even at 10 PM when my friend would call me, if I want to go to the gym, I would immediately say yes, count me in. Let’s go! I lack that kind of enthusiasm now a day. I prefer let me sleep in a bit more. A lot of junks (bad habits) have creeped into my life too.

    How do you deal with not being the same as before? I have been running for 3 years and what do I really want to accomplish? If I want to run faster, I really have to reach that goal. Maybe I am getting older and so I am getting slower. This calls for a need to transform. But how do you do that?

    One needs to see what is happening and change it. Truth. We need the truth (to see what we did not see before) and the truth will set you free. Truth is revelation. We are constantly learning. Take in and evaluate. Sometimes it comes in a dream. We need to start dreaming. I get my inspiration about my running while I am on the trail, and listening preacher’s sermon. I need to use my off days to learn!

    Ask yourself what do I have to change. Change is hard because we have accepted what we currently are doing is right and we have to see that it as not right. We have to turn things up-side-down. We can’t do things the same way and expect to have a different result.

    -Thought#2 – embrace change. That was the biggest breakthrough I had tonight. I hate change. A girl has turned my life up-side-down too and it was too much. I wanted my sanity back and what I am comfortable with. No more craziness. But just as I decided to take the easier path and the calmer choice, my pastor preached about change. Why changes require taking the harder path? Looking back the changes I have been making were rather small!! I need to embrace bigger changes boldly. Doing things differently. It could me losing myself in the process! It will no longer be the me I know afterward.

    This means we are willing to take some pain. Not so much physical but it means sacrificing comfort and ease. Giving up time of doing certain other things we like. It means certain areas of our life have to be cut back. Priority. Someone told me recently, we see our priority in the things we actually do, not what we say we want to do.

    Objectively, we do something because we like it. I secretly want to run faster each year. Realistically though, I will improve but I will never be out-of-this world fast. This brings us to set a reasonable goal or expectation.

    visioning/image. We can do it only when we can see ourselves doing it. We have an image of what success is for us. We push ourselves to change/evolve to match that image. I have been doing that each season. Changing our expectation to a new reality.

    I feel each quarter or each year, I am making myself new again. Three years ago (summer 2016), if you tell me to run a marathon, I would have laugh at you silly. I did not run then. A mile maybe, but not a marathon.

    Things have become too easy for me lately. After 3 years of training, I need to step up again. Change starts today!

    At the end of each service is an altar call, where we rededicate ourselves to do good once again. It is usually most uplifting time of the worship. You feel you could take on the biggest struggle! I need that each week. A time to reaffirm I can do the run. I can put down my distraction.

    -No more half heartedness effort but a full commitment

  • vision & mission

    Day 224

    Goal: Key ideas usually come to me while I am running. I have been trying to have some kind of goals for this year. At first I was not so into the new year resolutions this year, which I usually made one in the past for all my adult life. It was probably all the ‘destressed’ /breaking in period from coming back from Chile. I was going through a time of mini depression but now better after finishing another marathon (Carlsbad). So I am back in the swing of things.

    My last few weeks of training have been going great! I put up double digit back to back. It was even better than last fall when I was struggling with all the training and non-training activities, plus the stress from work. That was a mouthful.

    Life was looking great! But I am not satisfied where I am. It seems too haphazard. It seems things are too random. Suddenly everything in life flows together where few months ago it was rough and tumbling.

    I want control! So looking at my life, what do I really want to do this year? There is not anything ‘exciting’ I want to do. I am pretty much happy of where I am at.

    This is not a resolution but pretty much a plan. I will get to the resolution later.

    1. Running more ultras. I enjoys running so much and I think I am actually overboard obsess with it. Excessive is what can described about me. I don’t know why I was so down back in January. But running is what I like. This year I have signed up so many races! Incredible races and not sure how I will be able to do them all! see races.

    2. I want to run fast! This should be a year I was trying to get a sub 3 marathon. However, this dream will be deferred for a few more years. I hope I can get a sub 4 marathon time or somewhere close. This will be very challenging. As of now, I am not confident if I could run a 4:30 marathon time.

    3. Do something exciting! (Travel). Planning year for next year. I know I don’t have much money to travel any more for this year. But I should plan for the following year. Some exciting things are to travel to Everest! The group I usually travel with is going there this fall. A fall back option is, I would take Mt Kilimanjaro. I also want to run Rim-Rim-Rim of the the Grand Canyon. Basically you run across the Canyon to the other side and then back again. People plan this a year in advance!

    4. A Hard Camping/BP trip. This is already happening but I am still quite nervous about camping by myself. A trip or few trips I want to do is Black Forest Trail in PA, Hut-to-Hut at Presidential Traverse, NH, and Andirondack the Great Range Traverse, NY. These hikes made my great leader/grown-man/women cried. I want to experience the same.

    5. Be more open to people. Singleness. I am single and in many ways great because I am enjoying the single man life of running/hiking/traveling. Yet being single is not for me. It is definite a resolution item to get myself out there and meet more women who want to share a life together. My goal is to share myself more. Ah, how hard this is for me. Don’t laugh.

    6. What would be good to have! Pacer. Running is mostly a solitary thing for me. As I tackling longer distances, I wish I have a training buddy, a coach, a crew and some pacers. I am actively seeking and recruiting pacers for my first 100 miler. I already put down the race I want to do. C&O ultra. I probably can do this without a crew or pacer, but it would be really nice to have one or two!

    Back to topic. Yes these were what I am currently doing any way. They are in no way what I call a resolution. A resolution is something I must do differently.

    As I was running on Thursday night, I realized I need an aim or focus. One thing that can give me an aim is to have a mission statement: what do you want to accomplish? vision statement: How do you see yourself when you reach your goal.

    I really don’t have one written out yet. I have been running on auto pilot. Mostly to run and to run a lot and to run fast etc.

    To enjoy life. To do something I don’t think I can do. I have been breaking a lot of mental barriers and did a lot what I couldn’t do five years ago!