In awe

Category: life

  • Day418 Mouth of Wilson

    I might be repeating myself, but I like how goals that seem to be impossible or even unthinkable are suddenly become mundane.

    Why I set those goals? I like to dream to the point of fantasizing. Don’t we all? I dream of running in this place and that place or going to here or there because at the time I didn’t have the ability to do it.

    Like I dream of running in Sydney or in Patagonia or Machu Picchu or in the Grand Canyon. Hey those are still pretty awesome dreams. But at the time, I saw them as if I will never able to do it. I’ve heard from people who did it, and it was hard to relate to them because it was far from my experience.

    Over time though some of those trips are no longer just a dream. I have been to Sydney, Machu Picchu, and Patagonia, and the Grand Canyon. I haven’t race in those locations yet, but to do so wouldn’t be too impossible.

    I was looking over my to-dos list and I was thinking oh how boring is that about some of the things I was so hyped about a few years ago. Some of those things no longer draw me as they did back then.

    I guess my priority has shifted. I don’t know what my current priority is, but I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if I can run around the world?

    I was asked, what would I do if I don’t have to work tomorrow. Meaning no longer having that responsibility of making money. We need money to live. But I am flirting with the idea what if I quit the day job, you know, be like those streamers. Some of them was forced to though. A few of the streamers I follow said they got into streaming because they lost their day job. For me, I was thinking I have so many places to go, and if I am not working, I would be traveling.

    My list was to go backpacking on the Appalachian Trail and then the other big trails like the PCT or the CDT (Pacific Crest or the Continental Divides). Then I would run across the continent and the world. I said, I have the next 20 years planned.

    There is this youtuber who has been biking around the world for the last 10 years. That is just speaking to my soul. Of course it is not easy and I don’t know if I would like it if I am doing that full-time.

    Any way I have to update my goals/bucket list. I forgot what that goal I need to put in. Right Annapurna. I will write on that if it is ever become a real trip.

    Here is one — a few years ago I went backpacking on Mt Rogers and Grayson Highlands. I started running back then but not as crazy as now. It didn’t occur to me then people do run there on the mountain. Later though I found out about a marathon being held there in the spring. At the time I didn’t believe I could do it but I have been watching/following it. Last year I signed up, but with corona/covid19, it was deferred and rescheduled but I didn’t run it. Tada… not counting my chicken just yet but next weekend I will be running it there at the mouth of wilson! It is one of my dreams. It is going to be hard and awesome. 14 hours. I hope I can finish the run within 14 hours.

    Been keeping it pretty low key. I might or might not post anything next week depending how I feel after the race or even before the race. Not sure how much time I have free on hand to post anything. Definitely I will have a race report – that is one of my thing. I got to have it saved. Just not sure when the report will be ready.

    Weather for that weekend though is not looking great. Looking at some cold running and wet probably. So ya 14 hours of that. But anyhow I will run it. I like the name of the place – Mouth of Wilson. Wonder why and who is Wilson? Yes will be on the mountain. Famous really. Virginia highest point! woo

    Also May 1st is the start of GVRAT – the rat race across Tennessee. I haven’t signed up. I am still on the fence. I did it last year and had a lot of fun, but this year, kinda not in the mood for a virtual race. Also, I am still doing the CRAW around the world, so it feels like cheating to double dip. The race permit double dipping, but it is just not settling with me. This is so different from last year, when I got the notification of the race, I signed up the same day and the next moment I was out the door running.

    Until next time…

  • Day417 time pause

    I read a good blog the other day from Isaac Takes a Hike, about his Badger Mountain 100. He shared of the time during the race when he came into an aid station and he was not feeling well at least well enough to continue. He determined not to leave the aid station until he solved his problem. Lucky for him, he managed. Go follow his blog, he is a great blogger.

    I am currently like that. I need to solve my problem quick. I don’t have any motivation to run now. There are races and trainings but I can hardly drag myself out of the bed.

    Don’t do it if I am not into it, is my philosophy. So here I am. I don’t know what is going on. I have been pretty much slacking off the last four months. I am not training as hard as I used to. This week I only run 6 miles. Last week maybe 12, something like that. Today is Saturday, normally it would be my long run. I should be doing 70-90 miles per week. I am not too much into the numbers, but they do show. I am not the same.

    I am questioning why am I even running. Why am I so tilted? Why did I rage quit?

    I need to fix whatever is wrong with my heart and get back out there.

    This blog post was not about my whining. I originally wanted to write considering how lucky I am I haven’t injured myself all these years of running, while people left and right were saying they had this and that. My body has been strong and is very durable.

    My most feared accident in a race is rolling my ankle. I ran myself into a pothole in a 5K race I think in 2018 and ever since, every couple months I would reinjure the same ankle. You say how does one run into a pothole. I don’t know. Cars run into potholes but we as runners should be able to avoid them.

    It was during a race. I saw the pothole, still I ran in and I was like a car, bang, and my ankle turned sideway. I had about half mile to a mile to go, so instead of quiting, I continued running and got to the finish line. Not sure why I didn’t avoid it. And even if I ran into it, it should be big enough, that I could still find my balance. No, my ankle gave out that time. I felt really stupid. I was not an ultra runner at the time. I could only run on super flat surface. Anyway due to my carelessness, that how it all started.

    I have never gone to physical therapy to have it properly fixed, but it is definitely a problem. I was thinking how lucky I was during the last six months and running two long races, never once was my ankle rolled.

    But guess what, last week, I rolled my ankle while doing a local run around the neighborhood. Note it is not the terrain. When the ankle feels like rolling, it will roll (collapse) with no apparent reason and the pain will shoot up my leg and I will go ayaaah and limp around to walk it off. It does not matter how carefully I try to step. If it wants to roll, it will roll. I just have to deal with it. That is generally how it goes every couple months because I think it was never healed properly. Or even when it is healed, the ankle has lost its elasticity or flexibility, so every so often it needs to be pop like knuckles to make it feels great. Rolling is like popping the knuckles.

    Anyway, here is another great blog from your truly. I was going to write that if I don’t do something, it is like the day doesn’t exist. I don’t want to fade away. You know, I write, therefore I am? The title makes no sense. Maybe that is for another day.

  • Day416 more races

    I am biting a bit more than I can chew. I see it coming long before but I signed up more races than I can handle.

    Which race is it? The current one that concern me is the Richmond Marathon. I deferred it from last year because of the pandemic – later though they did host an in-person virtual race on a different course over couple weekends last November (not a Boston qualified (BQ) course though). That was interesting in itself where you could run on an actual course with mile markers and water stations and a real timing chip, but it was virtual in a sense you pick the day to run and when to run it. There were be people out there on the course but it wasn’t a horde of people like in a normal marathon. My friend ended up doing it while I went and did a different one that weekend – I think it was the Seneca/Stone Mill I did.

    So the story started there. I planned to run it this year same time (November) since the race is already paid for since it was deferred.

    However, I realized I signed up for a 100 miler the preceeding weekend of the Richmond Marathon. Realistically, I can’t do both. In self defense, I signed up Richmond before I tangled into ultras thing. Now though marathons seem less appealing.

    I am trying to convince myself still I can do the 100, and still do the Richmond.

    There is no way I am giving up the 100 for a 26. To do both means I will walk the marathon. Likely a lost cause at it. It takes about 7 hours – very fast walk 3.7 mi/hr.

    I don’t mind having a DNF (not finishing a race). I am unable to google the course time limits at the moment, but I think it should be around 7 hours. Generally 6-6.5 though.

    Likely though I will have to give up on the Richmond Marathon.

    Anyway, what brought me to this topic was I have couple races coming up and I am booking places to stay.

    Both races are in remote areas – the suggested option is camping at the race site is the way to go. I am a camper person myself but not for races. I like a good bed to sleep the night before and the night after. A good good place – with mattress and all, no funky motel if that can be helped. Interestingly both race sites have really early start time. The one in May starts at 5 AM, given the race is super long. So for me, it means 4 AM on location to avoid any last minute goofed ups (no murphy law here to mess things up – the nearest thing that happened to me was traffic jam to the race venue in the Frederick Half – that nearly had me in a heart attack).

    The nearest hotel I found for the race in May and I now booked is about hour and half away. I am looking at very little sleep night before and possibly will be up by 2AM.

    The race in June, this one is even outrageous. I am busing from the finish line to the starting line, leaving my car at the finish. The race chartered busses for us. I think the bus time is something like 3AM in the morning. So I had to be there like 2 AM or earlier. People said midnight because the parking lot there is tiny like enough for 20-30 cars! So not likely to sleep at all because it means I will be up at lot staking my spot for my car. Yup, organizer advices people to carpool or being dropped off, etc.

    The hotel for this June race is near though but the price is through the roof (looking at $200 a night). I haven’t booked it yet since it is hard to justify booking for the two nights in that I will spend very little time there because I will be running most of the time. Still having a good base of operation is a must, so I am on the fence for this one.

    There are cheaper hotels that are an hour away ($50 a night), and this is very appealing, except the question is will I able to make the drive there after I finish running. I learned from my race in Houston is not to risk driving anywhere after running a hard race. I was a zombie and on the verge of asleep behind the wheel as I tried to get back to Houston. One time is enough for that kind of life-death situation. Not going to repeat that again. A lot of former runners said they slept in their cars afterward… hmm. So that is likely what I will do.

    Until next time, bye

    P.S. Smoky Mnt update: I narrowed down the paths I will take, likely will be Menton Mackaye Trail (BMT) – from Fontana Dam to Davenport, for the remoteness and challenges that will test my camping skills. I’m a bit ambitious to do it in 4-5 days, where others do it as a 10 day trip. This trip will take place after my long race, so running the BMT is out of the question.

  • Day415 breaks

    I’m taking it easier this week. Following some of my readers advices, I took couple days off running until the pain in my feet went away. I maybe am burning out. Maybe I should take a month or two off from running. Sike. I’m hyped on so many things this coming summer, like with a 50 miler on 1st of May! The struggle between doing and resting is real.

    After two days of rest, I went back to running. I had better results. I ran home from work three times this week: Monday, Tuesday and Friday. It was first time doing it back to back two because it is a hard thing. This time unlike previously after doing a 17-18 miles, I was not as tired afterward. I was even thinking of doing it on the third day, but weather was bad and I needed the rest. Friday, I went back at it. We had much cooler temperature (dropped to 27 F during the night – freezing temp) where as the previous week we were in the low 80s – a big swing. I ran a bit slower pace this week with a lot more rest/walking during the run.

    The night runs were beautiful because the cherry blossoms and magnolias were blooming. We had snow one night too. I couldn’t tell at the time whether they were flower petals falling or snow. The trees just glow in the dark! Not really glowing, but they have such high reflective, so a little bit of night would make them glow. I thought it was full moon (last Sunday), but through out on my runs this week, I didn’t see it. Maybe the hour for the moonrise was off.

    I realize my body adapted to doing longer runs now but I have a lot harder time with the shorter runs. 3-5 mile runs are my worse enemy.

    I didn’t realize this until now, thinking back to my last 50k I did a few weeks ago, our pace group started off with a 10 min-mile pace and I was out of breath after two miles in.

    Also on shorter runs I don’t carry my hydration pack, so I am lighter, and it feels weird because I run at a higher cadence and my body is throwing a fit. I think most of my muscles have changed to slow twitch from the fast twitch, which makes it insanely hard to run at a pace what I used to do a year ago. I dropped from 9-10 min-mile to now 12-13 min-mile. It is kind of shocking.

    I could run long for many hours but not fast. Being aware of this, I need to get back doing some speed work and lot of shorter runs.

    More to come on my next 50, then Laurel Highlands. With 8-9 weeks out, I don’t think I have started training for it yet.

  • brief post – Day414

    Trying to keep this short because I had nothing to say. I had a lot of ideas whenever I run, but afterward, especially the next day they vanish.

    I had done several long runs from work to home since I last posted about it. They are not super long, but 16-19 mile run is just long enough to kill you, in that you can’t do it every day. I done it about 4-5 times, about twice a week. And I started to dread running home from my workplace.

    It is fun whenever I do it, but dreading it at the same time. It takes about a little over 3 hours and on a slow day 4 hours. I usually get home before 10. Lately I have been watching the sun sets as I run.

    The aftermath is exhaustion, knee pain, and shin pain, and muscle pain. I know I am over doing it when too many kinds of pain involved. Recovery for the next couple days usually is slow, meaning little to no running. My first run afterward would be horrible.

    Lately I have been getting a mixed bag of good and bad runs. Good runs are ones when you feel the body and world mesh together and you have the flow and the run is effortless. Bad runs, is not even a run. Every step is heavy and no matter what you do, you are not in gear. Either the breathing is not right, the step is not in sync, and the strides are just weird. It is like you don’t know how to run any more. Probably more on this in another post. But lately I have been having a lot of bad runs after the 100 miler. It is like I have to relearn how to run or “walk” but my feet are not cooperating.

    Got to go now. I wanted to share many other things like, on one of my runs home from work, I lost my wallet, and how later I got it back again, except that I canceled all my cards and I was kind of living a week without having access to my bank or credit. The wallet was returned full of cash (mine). But I spent like only $45 for the week and mostly on gas (petrol), which took a whole chunk of it. My heart bled. Because I felt I need to save the money, that is all I got. I now got all the cards replaced and I’m good again. We depend so much on credit and electronic payment.

    Also, why I spent so much time on twitch – because streamers build rapport with their viewers. When I watch them, I felt like they are my friends even though ya they have hundreds if not thousands of viewers. I had too much social media. My brain is noodled.

    of course, lastly the shootings. our nation is going through crazy stuffs. We got to ask is it even normal? Mass shooting happens so frequently, I don’t even know how to react. Mourn, yes. As as an Asian, have experienced hates, no, not any where near as what posted on the media. Not saying they don’t exist, but that I was glad it has not happened to me. I haven’t been bothered on my runs here and I felt safe even when I was in Atlanta or Houston.

  • Day413

    This week, I made plans to do the Atlanta 100 over July 4th weekend while piggy back off a family vacation to the Smoky Mountains. In the end, it was not practical. So the plan was scraped. Vacation though will still be on. I will go to the Smokies but will have several days where I will backpack on the Appalachian Trail alone.

    The plan was great though. eh, kind of. I had to go to Atlanta some point this summer to complete the (V-)GSER because it was something I didn’t do last year. I want another crack at this.

    My family wanted to go to the smokies at the end of June. The time kind of line up with GSER. I could do the GSER before the trip or after the trip, because Atlanta is only 4 hours away from the Smokies, and I am like 2/3 of the way there.

    I could spend 4-5 days in Atlanta and I also have support during the run, which would ease up a lot especially toward the end of the race.

    In the end it was not meant to be. First, driving to Atlanta is at least 12 hours and I prefer to have a day to two days of rest before starting this. I felt it was very rush, to spend the weekend driving down, and I would have started the run immediately once arrive, which I don’t like. My family of course think I could do it. The race would last for 36 hours. And immediately after beeline to the Smokies. It is all very rushed.

    I prefer rather to go the Smokies first and then leave early like in the middle of the week and then make my run Thursday-Friday, Saturday would be sleeping in and spend Sunday and Monday driving back. but this would leave only three days at Smokies and was not ideal either.

    It was a hasty decision, but in the end I decided not to go for the GSER at this time. Glad it was so because, later I looked at my planner, and I saw I would be doing the Laurel Highland in June and my body likely would not be ready for it.

    However, this would leave me a lot time at Smokies. I plan to do all the hikes there, at least as many as possible (mostly the Appalachian Trail section). To be continue…

  • Day412 random

    Don’t really have much to write but trying to throw something together here while on my way to work.

    I’m taking the train today and plan to run back home after work. Maybe a little crazy. The mileage from google map is 14-15 miles but some of those are on roads without sidewalks, so I will have to make some detours. The final mileage probably around 20 miles or more.

    How long will it take? 3-6 hours. No idea. I ran the route last year on a weekend and I got home around 11 pm, but that time I was taking a big detour to my mom’s place, adding in like 10 miles. I should get home probably by 10 tonight, hopefully. I will get home eventually.

    CRAW – virtual running around the world, our team is near finishing the region. My team and I are excited. We’ve been on this pampas region (S.Amer) for 10-11 weeks, since the beginning of the year. We need to get it done. We are around 100 miles away, which is about 3-4 days, give that we run 30 miles a day as a team. Personally though, I wish we could finish it today.

    I did some calculations, we will finish going around the whole world by summer 2022, maybe by late summer. I haven’t tell our team that to not dampen their spirit. We know we won’t finish it by end of this year, but no one knows we will be 6-8 months behind. We are currently about 2 months behind. The next region might be our last.

    As you can see, I am probably in a post marathon blue. Not because of the CRAW. This usually happens to me after a hard race. I guess I was spent.

    The weekend run was pretty hard. I have not experienced dying inside in a race. That was how it is. I hit a low point and never got back up. Hope tonight run would be a good shakeout.

    GLHF everyone! (good luck have fun- twitch gaming abbr)

  • Day410 my unicorn (goals)

    -Running a 200 miler. I have no desire to do this actively yet as I did for the 100 miler. 2-3 days of not sleeping…yike. Just too brutal. I won’t close this door prematurely. It would be awesome if I do it, but I won’t cry about it if I don’t. It might take me 5 years to get there. 200+ and beyond only attracts very few selected runners. It is an exclusive club. If I think a 100 mile is insanity, 200 mile, I have no word. Yup, same mentality I had when I started running marathons, how could someone run the hundred. This is probably the cheapest of all goals. Mental though is a tough goal.

    –Running across the US. This is definitely epic. It is beyond me right now to do something like this. Limit by funding and the fitness level to do it. And the logistics. I don’t have a crew. It has been hard building my community even for the 100, luckily I did my 100 without a crew. Ya, it is hard to convince 2-3 friends to spend the summer with you traveling across the country. They would be as nut as you. And it is a one shot thing. There are maybe thousand people who had done it. Yet if I ever got to run this, I will definitely be changed to a different person (a unicorn). Also to tell the world about it. This will test my organization skill.

    –50 states. This is just a matter of time to achieve to run a marathon in each state. It is more a logistical issue than ability. However, if I could do it within the next 5 years, it would be sweet. When I finish it, definitely would be a cap. Just a matter of time and money. I am of course racing against time, the older I am the harder to run a marathon. I just want to get it done and over with. Still have 43 more states to go. Probably the easiest of all goals.

    7-continent. Run a marathon in each continent over 7 days. This is probably just a money issue. And a publicity stunt. I have not much a desire that I need to do this, yet if the opportunity presents, I won’t turn it down. Costs about 30-50 grand to do it. Fitness too, but I think I can get my body ready for it. Having run a 100 miler over 2 days, 7 marathons in 7 days is not that much harder. Maybe about twice as hard. There are organizations out there that handle the logistics, so it is not as daunting as it seems. Just a one time cost. As long as I save up, then this dream is possible. This is kind of my honeymoon wish.

    –Appalachian Thru Hike. This is so dope. Probably of all my dreams, this ranks the top. I won’t deny it. Definitely my dream to live on the mountain for a season. If I ever get to do this, it is definitely a new chapter in my life. I won’t be the same if I did this or any of the thru hikes. Thousands of people do this every year.

    I have a bunch of other bucket list items, but these few are my top favorites. None other than the 50 states, do I have a good chance in finishing.

    The next 5 to 10 years will be interesting. It will be whether I can live a life freely doing what my heart leads or doing the same boring things day after day. Of course, I want so much to step out my comfort zone and abandon all fears and reasons to chase the dream. They all require insane amount of time and money. One impossible goal a year, we get them done.

    Most of my time though is spent away building up resources so that I can go out to do this kind of things. These are the unicorn goals. (unicorn: rare/mythical borderline unrealistic goal)

  • Day408 update

    Not much to update. My daily run is a bit better. My legs no longer feel heavy. However, I am still running very slowly. It is breathing problem now. You know, when you think you are out of breath, and have to stop running.

    It has been hard to run fast and far again. My fastest speed currently is around 11-12 min per mile. Most days were much slower (14-15). I used to run around 9-10 min per mile. Yes, I am slow. I remember 4 years ago, 8-9 min were normal.

    I feel like the vintage game Excitebike, if I push myself too fast, I would be ‘overheat’ and have to stop at the side of the road as penalty. I spent most of my run walking to “cool down”. I am not really overheat in the traditional sense, but I feel like my whole body screaming saying stop running. It is frustrating that most of my run is walking. I run every few steps (30 secs), and I would feel I couldn’t run any more and have to slow down to a walk. Then I feel good again and run a few more steps. It takes maybe 6 miles everyday to ‘warm up’ before I could run normally. Then it is a joy to be out.

    This is actually an improvement. I know I am getting back to normal. I am happy to be out there.

    I do wonder though, would it has been better if I take a month or two off before running again. I don’t know. I feel as soon as I get back out the better.

    Sleepwise, I finally reset my schedule. No longer do I go to bed at 8 pm. No longer do my body feel cold by night fall, which makes me want to go to bed.

    Yesterday evening was super warm, 50 F, but all my hands and feet were icy cold. I had on three layers, with a sweater. After a mile, I had to take all those off but the long sleeves.

    Saying this because I think something is wrong with my body. Originally I thought because I am hungry, so I was cold. But lately I started eating dinner at 4 pm, still I get cold around 5 pm.

    Anyway, the cold does not hamper me as it did during the first week back. I am in week 3 now.

    I want to put this somewhere. They say in a long race (50k or longer), to walk uphill and run downhill. I have been doing that. However, in a 100 mile, by doing only that, by the end of it, my muscle was so overused for running downhill. I started to hate every downhill. Need to balance, for those who are thinking doing long races.

    Misc. Also this should go somewhere, but I probably would not have an entire post on it. This week, I learned a late well respected preacher Ravi Zacharias, was found to live a double life (and would possibly have been charged for his sexual misconducts if he was still alive). I was late in learning about it. Most people already commented it on Feb 12, when the investigative report was released. It was a bombshell. It was not just an oopsie but was really bad because he did it over a long period and involved countless of victims and everyone around him was lied to. I then searched on Youtube for responses. I was surprised only mostly the younger crowd (people I never heard before) made some type of reactions. I am still processing it. I was hoping to hear from his peers or family. I guess his conducts were so horrible, there is nothing but condemnations and the older crowds rather kept their silence (there were couple of them now). Everyone was caught off guard because he hid it so well. My two-cent.

    How is the guy affected me? Not much. I listened to his talks before and he was a powerful speaker, but I never a follower of his stuff. It was never really my preference. Still it was a surprise how he set up the whole scheme around the world. Infamous. It is like something I would do – the big brain 😉