When I have too much time on my hands, I start to think of existential questions. Why am I running? Maybe that stems from my recent question what (races) am I running?
I like the why part. I think of it a lot, like every year at about this time. Because I don’t feel like running. I lost my mojo. Signup season is upon us, and it especially hard to find why I choose one race over another or why I run again.Â
The thing is, if I don’t want to do it. Then don’t. Bit if I signed up, then I must put in the work to get to the end. There’s no half measure.
I seem to have a harder time in picking a race this year. Generally I want to run all the races. But time and money constraints do exist. Last year, I have 10 times the budget. I could go wild. Not this year. I am already 1.5k deep in the hole after a day of signing up (1st world problem). Then how do I choose to pick one race over another is an interesting question to me.
The answer is I don’t know. I go by ‘feel’. I hate it because, sometimes I feel very strongly about doing a race but another time I feel strongly not doing a race.
It might be some ethical issue. Some say a race organization is ‘bad’ such as they brought out smaller local races. They say the corporal world is here to take away the mom-and-pop ones (name unsaid, because I am running some big corps races). You won’t get the same experiences, some say. Indeed. But I still begrudgingly take part in the Big Corporation races next year. Its inevitable.
This post is not about corporate races over smaller races.
Going to go into note taking form. I write because I am trying to find solution to a problem. I seem to lost sight of the big picture of why I run each year and I need some. It happens every year during the “slow” season.
My identity is tied to the things I do. The things I do also bring a lot of satisfaction. This year has been very busy. I tried to achieve something I thought was not possible. It was a shooting the moon thing (Western States race and the whole grand slam thing, plus many races I did). In the end I did reach my goal. All fine and happy.
However, I can’t do that in every race or every season. There are things that only happen once. I can’t repeat the same next year.
By definition, trying very best is the very best. It hard to believe I will even exceed the very best the following year. Well maybe. We only dream we can reach an even greater height.
Yesterday, I look at my race plan. It seems scattered all over the place. What the story I am trying to accomplish? In a sense trying to “run every race, every where, whenever” no limit. That has been my motto since I started running. It has been my guiding light in how I signed up races. I was over joy last few years, I made several friends who share the similar take, of taking running to the extreme. We eat, sleep, dream and walk with running. There is never an end. Even the day we die, we will die running is our hope. On a side note, My first
This year, one of my running friends past away. Our running club wrote/posted a very nice article of his impact to those who ran with him!
As I think of next year races, I want to reach something of value. We could run tons of race, but sometimes they ended up being hollow. There should be a race I would want to remember. Occasionally, there are races that are like that, I do it and forget. But then there would be one race that change everything. This year, Western States was like that for me, a race that set me on the path for a grand slam. One race that defines me and everything.
I got a clearer sense now than a couple weeks ago. At first I was trying to do another slam (the midwest slam. I think I can do it, because it should be easier than the slam I did this year. So I was arranging my schedule to fit their races in. Then I asked myself do I really want to that those races all at once, in one go, just for a bragging right? Deep down is no. I don’t carw about the bragging right. I want something that is meaningful. Something that challenge me to the next level, but not something superficially hard for the hard sake.
There is no desire for me to the slam, or even the every first race (The Mohican). I want a race that speaks to me (calling me to run it). I don’t sense it here for the midwest slam, maybe but two races. I would like to do the Burning River and the Indiana Trail 100. It is a weird way to sign up a race, but yes, that is my way. I need a deep down conviction to do it. Almost all races I do, kind of speak to me and they draw me to them. A weird way to make a decision.
So, I was facing like 20+ races, and I could not hear their voices over one another and it was very chaotic. Some races have a deadline pressure to sign up before they are filled (Eastern States almost is full, though only opened two weeks ago). Some have scheduling conflict. Some are too far away or too expensive to do.
In the end, I asked myself, what do I really want. I wanted something simple and easy. I like doing marathons. So I should go back to my root of running marathons and running just for “fun”.
I asked a friend if they have trouble deciding which races to run. They said no. They just do it, easy. There is no agonizing over months and weeks of should I do this over that.
I think for me, since I reached kind of stage where I was in the spotlight of becoming a runner people admire. There is a certain expectation of the next level I have to reach, to keep up with my wow factor. I think I was caught up to it just a bit when I ran Wasatch. I glad I finished but it was not fun to be under the pressure for pressure sake. So when I do the slam for next year, there is no need to go through the insanity. Once was enough.
I was thinking of trying couple harder races like the Bear or the Big Horn, or The Utimate Ultra Mountain Trail Run in Europe, everyone is taking about. It seems to be a natural progression pf doing harder and harder thing. Then I said, wait a minute. I don’t have to give into the pressure. I don’t have to be an over achiever!Â
One of the best moment I had was at the Burning River this year, when I ran with a 75 year old (Mr Randy). He teased me of being a show off of wearing the 100 mile shirt I got from the weekend before. We both finished the race together. The achievement really belonged to the man who still is doing such a big run, and not me. I had a blast to have been able to finish with him and to share in his spotlight. I think a good race is like that, where my finishing time and ranking doesn’t matter, but that I made good friends along the way.
I am still an overachiever, no doubt about that. Recently, I tried very hard in finishing a race that ended up back fire. I was stressed about it and temper flew. Then I asked myself, did I really enjoy such behavior of flying off my handlebar. It was just a race. So what if I did not finish it. There’s always next year! Indeed, I am doing it again.
I reached another year on WP. End of the fifth year and beginning of the 6th. See last year entry (here).
This time I don’t have much to write. I have been busy doing so many things. Last year I wrote about mission creep (plan2023), indeed, I was drinking from the fire hydrant in term of running. I run in any races I could get my hand on. Each year, it seems I say the same thing, but each year I add on more and more races.
I am a bit tired at the moment. I need to refocus of what I want to do.
The idea I don’t need to do this has not occurred in my mind. Indeed, I don’t need to do it.
I am happy though. 2023 brought me up on another level. At the start of the year, I did not know where I was headed. Somehow I managed. I can run some hard races and it was not a 1-off.
I wanted to meet some awesome people and I did. This was one of the goal. I partly succeeded. People such as Greg, Wayne, Tek, Lynn and Caroline have made my running much more multi-dimensional. It has been an interesting year.
I want to step out and be bold. I did. I traveled to Toronto and ran their marathon. I ran Blackbeard’s Revenge 100. I finished MMT 100 for the first time. I tried the UTMB Grindstone 100, which was one of the harder race. I did not finish but it was a leap of faith to try. Same for Burning River 100. Try something hard and even when I don’t succeed, I am still happy.
Something new I did was pacing a friend in her 100 mile race and the emotion of seeing her crossing the finish line was exceptional, probably something I will remember for a long time.
The question of what’s next is always on my mind.
I want to do more. I want to do something unique and memorable. I want the next year to be new and different from before.
Next year, I want to be radically different, yet still reaching my goals.
I am imagining myself playing chess and then sweep all the pieces off the board and still play. I want to approach like that with my planning. Things currently are too messy. Let sweep everything aside and start fresh.
End of a year and beginning of a new year is a good time to reimagine what and how I want to be.
Simple is good. I need to simplify things. I don’t need to run gazillion races. Maybe one or two races is good.
I think I got a bit race envy this year. I met some high power runners this year. Four or five people who are running (like me) every weekend in various places. It becomes like a friendly competition to see who can out do who. Not really, but our races were like our street creds.
There is also kind of pressure I put on myself to do races so I could write about them. It is kind of silly. I am sure my readers what me to be healthy and enjoy the runs I do. It does not matter though if I don’t have fun. It has been hard for the last several weeks as I tried to set my schedule for next year. I know what races I want to do, but I was reluctant to sign up any.
I am still looking for a race/run or an event that will define 2024.
Less is more. What’s next. Soon. I don’t really know yet. To be determined. Hello Year #6
From now to maybe the end of the year, I have a race or so every weekend. There will be plenty to write about. As of now, it is a waiting period.
I know the end will come fast. I am waiting, because I haven’t decided what to do yet for next year. I touched on this a few times in earlier posts. I am procastinating.
This weekend, there is a training run (for Stone Mill 50, which I will run next month). Then on Sunday I will run for my 14th state in Connecticut. Blimbler Bluff, a 50K.
I never thought it would be a new state. It is a 50K. I might go back to run a bona fide marathon later.
I don’t advertise things before they happen in case things don’t work out. Then there wouldn’t need for an explanation if things go down badly. I mentioned this now, so I will have to do well.
I kind of decided to go to Connecticut at the last minute. I was originally bound for Vegas because I wanted to go to Twitch Con as well as a 6 hour race there. However, the price though for the airfare became too expensive. Prices nowaday are like that, but I felt I could have gotten it cheaper. Maybe for my pride, I am not going because I am not willing to pay more than I think I should pay. There is always next year, they say. $1000 for a party is maybe too excessive.
My weekend opened up. My friend asked if I wanted to join her in Connecticut for a run. Sure, 50k in 10 hours. This seems like the type of race I like. If they give us 10 hours to do, it got to be hard. A 50k usually takes 6-7 hours. It was still open for signup.
I needed the distance for my training. Training for what? Many runs, especially Stone Mill. I am excited about that. Lots to share in the coming weeks. Not just Stone Mill, but Marine Corps, and then Rim to River weekend.
Now news of the day, I am still struggling of what races to run for next year. October is the planning month. I use this time to lay out all the trips and goals for next year. Here, I am being indecisive.
Today, I signed up and booked flight and hotel for Space Coast Marathon 2023.
Not sure I mentioned, Florida is on my target. I wasn’t going to pick Space Coast though I love space and technology because going to Orlando over Thanksgiving is so much more expensive than going there other time. I saw the price was falling, like by $50 the last couple days, and I jumped in this morning.
I worked out the flight schedule and all. I tried many different ways and in the end, direct flight from my closest airport won out for less than $600. It is still a lot because I think normally, I could fly to Orlando for $200 ish.
Couple weeks ago, when I decided to go to Florida, I signed up for Clearwater Marathon in Tampa because flight there was under $200. It seemed like a good fit. When I signed up, they offerred 50K as an option, so I picked the 50K. This will be next year. It should be my 15th state unless I fit another race before then.
Finally, this is the race I have been on the fence. The New Taipei Marathon (they call it something else) in March has just open! I want to go while at the same time on my way to Sydney for my cousin’s wedding. I checked the airfare. It should be doable. I am nervous about committing it. I don’t get to go out the country much. I am sure there are people that can speak English in Taiwan, but still nervous to go to a chinese speaking country. My chinese is not that good.
There is still so much to write about. I will stop now. What’s next is my 100 miler in February. Then maybe two or three more marathons. Baton Rouge, La Cruces, and maybe Myrtle Beach. I am so undecided.
Two weeks now since my race. I am plotting for my next move. It might be a long time because at the present I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I am plotting though.
I know the feeling of having reach the highest of highs and now normalcy seems like the lowest of lows.
Nothing I want to do seems to reach what I did in term of satisfaction. There are harder races out there but hard races are not something I want to do any more. What about easy races?
I actually did a 10k race over the holiday (memorial weekend). I did quite well, got in under an hour, given I was not sure I could even run since it was my second time actually ‘run’ after my 100 mile race. My legs were still jelly. The course was hilly too (for city running).
This weekend I am volunteering/crewing at one of the ultra 100 mile grand slams – the Old Dominion. It is the first of 5 races. It will be hot and nasty and some rain. Runners are trying to get in under 24 hours.
Races like these are beyond my ability. One of the staff asked me if I would be willing to be a safety runner for one of the late participants who was pulled in from the waitlist.
I had to politely decline. With my pace like 16-18 mins, I would be a liability to the runner than helping them. They would be moving on average 14 min pace or faster. Though we will see, there is a runner I am willing to pace there, who had attempted this race couple times but couldn’t finish. The runner said it was because of lacking a pacer.
Anyway, I know what I need to do to stay off post race blue. I hope by helping others I might get some satisfaction in their accomplishments. I don’t know, maybe it is a new experience.
There were a bunch of races I want to do. But I feel like I am right now just going through the motion. This year I only did one state so far (Texas). I could have done a dozen or so as one of my friends did. I am trying to copy her this year’s schedule for next year (see below).
I am not sure why I am dragging my feet in signing up for those races though. Maybe they are not for me.
My race plan for next year (I just realized how horible the color is. I can’t read them either in dark mode)
I won’t be doing all of them.
Awhile back, I wrote I would think on it somewhat about my fall schedule. My so call sleeping on it. My fall schedule is mostly set.
My friend is going to do a marathon in Idaho in October and asked if I want to join. I am on the fence. I originally wanted to run the Lake Tahoe Marathon that weekend. I put Lake Tahoe aside for awhile back but now it came back into view. It seems I can do it, maybe after finishing the MMT gave me a fresh motivation. It is in conflict with the Idaho’s Marathon. We will see which one I will pick.
Plus now St George (Utah) might be in play as well. I am also looking at Sedona Marathon. These all clustering around the second week of October.
At the same time I could swing by twitchCon, a gamer convention, in Vegas. Yes, that seems to my focus. I don’t know why I want to go there, but also I might feel a bit out of place. Anyway, I am planning my races around the convention, hoping it will give me an excuse to go!
This is all for now. My life after the Big Race is quite tame.
My chimken stratches of my planning process for first half of 2024 races — basic trying to limit myself to 1 race a month. Nothing decided yet. Some races are open for registration! I have been playing with the sheet every day for the past week. It has been my plate mat.
Oh, biggest news, I am thinking of going to Sydney. I mentioned previously but hard to face the truth that I wanna go. There is the blue mountain marathon. It will take some work to make everything line up.
I have been dragging my feet. I want to feel excited again! For the Sydney trip, I am deferring the decision to fall.
Saying I am lost for words to describe seems like a lazy way to put it. This is not a race report. It is too raw and there are too many thoughts to condense it to something as a report.
I just posted the pre-race feeling. There were a lot of anticipations. There had been a lot of training runs and a lot work putting into it. Preparation. Thoughts. I looked at the last year race, especially why I could not finish and why this year would be different. The run was pretty much in line with my expectation at every phase.
100 mile races are tough. Unlike with marathons, I go in not knowing if I would finish. In fact the drop rate for any ultras are usually high, like 30-40% and sometimes even 50%. This year is no different. No one goes into a race and think they wouldn’t finish. We all go in thinking we have a fighting chance. For me, not having finished last year, put a lot pressure on me, because it is more likely I would not finish again. What happen once can happen again! I know couple runners who did not finish last year and I asked them what were their expectation. They didn’t tell me. Statistically, they did not finish. I was afraid myself.
With the dismal stuff out of the way, yes I was excited and I was confident. It was not a blind confidence like last year. I knew where I will be struggling and I knew almost every inch of the course. Some parts, I have been through multiple times training on it.
I entered the race probably was not in my optimal condition. Left foot was still bothering me since December. I was hoping it would be healed by now. I had a sprain (twice) during Naked Nick 50k. Ever since, It has been hurting. I haven’t reinjured it since but it hasn’t either completely healed either, maybe because I haven’t ever truly taken a break from running.
Also, nights leading up to the race, I haven’t been sleeping well. I stayed up late for way too many nights. Thursday night I stayed up till 3 packing (packing was done by 1 ish, but I was no longer sleepy afterward). Friday night was the pre-race camping out, bugs and cold temperature, and maybe anxiety had kept me up.
Lastly, I didn’t taper! I ran a 44 mile the week right before the race. Many of my running friends were suprised to see me still running. To say I was a bit tired is an understatement. Plus I was trying the Streak thing with Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee (GVRAT – Rat race). I ended the streak after day 14 though (not by choice), which was probably a good thing looking back to give my body a week of rest from running before the race.
There are just so much to say! The race is big. It has a lot of history. It is well known for friendly people. Everyone knows everyone! Last year I didn’t know anybody but this year coming in to the race, I almost know everyone (well maybe about 25% of the people there) and if I didn’t know them, I would be by the end of the day. It has many great aid stations, probably the best in all the races I have been to. It was super fun and well organized. The race is epic. I can just heap on superlatives. Unlike many popular 100 mile races, this one is one giant hoop in a relatively remote area and is a mountain race, so in theory, it is a bit hard to support, but the race did above and beyond to get the race done year after year.
There were those who ran it twenty years ago and came back for a second time! MMT branded itself as multi-generational race. I bet for every runner, they must have known someone from somewhere who had run the MMT before. There were very few fresh first timers (Costi & Charlie, Stuart and Wayne too, but it wasn’t their first rodeo), but who just happened to sign up for the race.
It is my second time running it, so a lot of the mysteries are no longer a surprise (my last year MMT’s report). The race being hard, and that was handled in training runs. The race being long (36 hours, new this year). I did a few 12-hr runs. I still struggled with sleep deprivation but it is no longer strange to me. A few times in the final miles I saw trees turning into people taking pictures of me and then turning back to trees! — or maybe they might have been actual people being camouflaged well, who knows.
The main things entering this race were to correct my last year’s mistakes. I wanted this race to be a redemption. It did. The joy of succeeding in doing something when the first time failed is so much enriching. Because last year there were a series of races that I DNF’d (didn’t finish) — Devil Dog 100k, MMT, and Iron Mountain. MMT was the most important to me. I was able to redo the Devil last December and redeemed it. I ran Blackbeard 100 successfully to show myself I can still do a 100 mile race. MMT was like the final exam. Can I put everything I have learned so far into the real deal?
My flaws of last year race was mainly not having sufficient energy for the final push up the last mountain (mile 88-mile 96), Scothorn. Also I was wasting too much time at many of the aid stations leaving not enough time for the run itself. Third flaw was physical condition, the long format race wears the body out, especially the feet. I was not taking care of my body enough.
So this time around, I prioritized more time on the course and less time at the aid stations. It mean being smart and planning ahead. It takes care of all my three major flaws.
Packing food and leaving them in drop bags, is one solution. My last year solution was to carry two foot long hogies and that did not work well once I finished eating them early in the race. My thinking back then was I wouldn’t have the appetite to eat on the second half anyway, so I pigged out at the beginning. It doesn’t work like that for ultras unfortunately. The key is to eat little by little!
They gave us 9 drop bag locations (actually 10, because we came through one twice, Gap Creek 1 and Gap Creek 2) and I packed 10 doggie bags of snacks (good snacks like granola and raisins as well as junk food like gummies — you need both because your appetite changes very quicky and you need to keep eating regardless, junk food makes good food goes in easier). I packed milk (muscle mik that doesn’t require refrigeration). I had sport drinks (Costco brand which has higher sugar and salt contents).
You can’t count on aid stations, some did have gatorade/Tailwind, but they do run out or being too diluted and they did run out. Always pack your own necessities. I don’t count calories and electrolyte intakes as some athletes do, but I monitor my overall feel. I had also a can of coconut juice for that extra refreshment. I ended up didn’t need it during the race, but at post race it was a wisdom from above and kept me awake for my drive home. As much as one been drinking, I was dehydrated, and that can of coconut juice was amazing.
I still ate at aid stations but my drop bags had my main meals. This allowed me carry food on the go, including the food provided by the aid stations. When I arrived at a station, first thing was to grab water, making sure I drink, then filled up all my water bottles (usually a voluntert would help you with that). Then I ate from the table or if something was too big (heavy) that needed more than a couple bites to chew, I’d toss them into my food bag.
Next is to go for my drop bag that is stored at the station. It either is to clean myself (like changing shoes, shirts, socks, etc) or get more food. Some drops I have baby wipes. But the most important thing is to exchange my food bags. My food bag does not always have the same food (a lesson learned from Blackbeard’s Revenge 100, where I got tired of my own food). The early stations I only leave a candy bar or so. But later stations have weightier meals. I don’t necessary finish eating everything, but I could make a decision whether to take a new bag or continue the current one, or mix-and-match food items that I like. The point is to keep eating. Note, I don’t eat much while I’m at the aid station, all those food items are meant to be taken on the go. I only eat while out on the trail to save time and to force myself to constantly feeding. Usually, time spent at a station is less than 5 minutes, but time on the trail between the stations is couple hours long. Hence, the reason to prioritize getting/packing things on the go instead of eating at the aid station (a big lesson I learned from last year MMT).
Nutrition is a big part in finishing an ultra. It is much more important than in a marathon run. In marathons, bonking usually results in a slowet finish, but with ultras, bonking usually leads to-flunking-out, because the body shuts down. I had that happened to me last year at MMT. I literally so tired that I could not even lift my foot for another step. I had seen ultra runners fainting (at the Devil Dog) and I had near fainting experiences. We were trained to push our bodies to the point of exhaustion, with very little left in the tank and if race conditions change for the worse, like temperature drops or the sun suddenly hotter than expected, or sudden climb in elevation, would lead to the body shutting down. It is a fine line we walk. The body is tough but also very fragile. You do see that in marathons too but it is so much more common in ultras. So watch the body, don’t push it till it can’t go any more.
Being smart about planning what I need and when reduced the time I need to spend an aid station leads to more time on the course. This was the key to success this year.
I might have gone out too fast last year. This year, I was willing to ‘wait’. My motto is slow is speed. By moving slower, I was actually making up more time at the end. Moving slowly actually saved me more time this year. Here is how: There were no conga lines on the way up the early mountain sections. That was always frustrating, when you felt you can run faster than the person ahead but they are blocking your way and it takes hours to clear up. Not just one person but whole line of them for the next few miles. Last year, I did not escape from the crowd until 33 miles later. I avoided all that this year. There were no frustrations and no trying pass one another. No conga line. None. Because I was willing to let all the hotshots go first.
There probably were traffic but I seemed to miss them. The first four miles seemed to separate the different pace groups well. Last year, I was passing people one after another for the whole first 33 miles. This time, I somehow hit the right pace very early on. There I stayed. No one passed me much and I didn’t pass others much either. Passing people takes a lot of energy. Not having to do it save those efforts for later push. It was amazing. If you do it right, this is how it should be. It was as if the whole field has disappeared and I was the only one running. I was very surprised myself.
One very important thing I learned this time is I could have anything solved while on the trail instead of waiting until I get to an aid station. Most of the time was being proactive at problem solving. I kept asking myself what is likely the biggest problem I am having right now or soon will have and how do I go about solving them and what is the optimal solution. I would rank them in my head and go about them in a round-robin way. I would repeat again and again. Always checking for any possibly issue. I kept asking myself “What can I do at the present.” This is the new insight I learned from this race! You have to proactively seek out problems (warning signs) — otherwise, the brain would hide them from you and you will forget them at the aid stations. This was the solution to my mistakes I made last year, when I repeatedly forget to eat, because I was so scattered brain at the aid stations. Runner’s foggy brain is real.
I surprised myself – for instance, I was finding I started to get some rashes from the rub burn. At first, I thought, hey it’s just a little discomfort, I could wait till I get to the station for some clean shirt. Then an idea came. I carried body lotion on me (sometimes sunblock lotion, body lotion, vaseline, or even lip balm, etc). I have heard stories someone used lipbalm for underwear rashes! You got to use whatever you have on hand!
So I asked myself: Why not stop and apply them. I did, it cooled the irritable area and the problem was dealt with. There were so many similar things. Stop rashes from starting. Stop blisters from happening. That quick one or two minutes on the trail fixes saved time when arriving at an aid station. Sometimes, it is unavoidable, but we deal with as much possible while during the run rather than wait till we get to the aid station. I also stopped whenever I felt grits had gotten into my shoes and I would stop and empty them.
When things done right, the race was pretty boring and uneventful. Unlike last year or previous races, I did not let things get too far out of hand. This race I think was very boring in term of my execution! Everything was done by the book. I was bored.
My biggest problem was and it was a rookie mistake. It was my hubris. I wore the wrong type of shoes for the race. I prepared four pairs of shoes. Two pairs are old shoes, and two are completely new (same two pairs I acquired at the Roanoke Marathon).
You probably know where I am going with this. I have been running for 7 years and I pride myself of being able to run in any kinds of shoes as long as they are not sandals. I probably would, but I stubbed my toes doing that before and stopped doing it. I typically do not wear trail shoes for trail running. However, I do most of the time break in my shoes long before an important race. This time I did not do so and I suffered for it.
It was not the shoes to be blamed. I wore two new pairs on my daily usuage and even light running and they seemed fine. I had them for maybe couple weeks. I had not used them for harder stuff.
As for the race, the shoe plan was to start with my trusted old pair first, and if I like it I will continue to wear it. I stove the first new pair at mile 33/35 at Elizabeth Furnace. The next pair was at Camp Roosevelt (mile 63-65-ish), it would be an extremely old pair because it would go through mud before getting to Gap Creek. From Gap Creek I (mile 70) to the finish would be my last new pair. The plan seemed well thought out to alternate between the old and new pairs.
It is the last pair that gave me the most trouble. Well the first new pair after putting it on, I know immediately I didn’t like it. Not because it was uncomfortable, it is very comfortable but the issue was I couldn’t “dance” on the trail. Shoes required trust. I was not trusting them.
I found out the reason why! I have been lucky in all my 7 years of having road shoes that are made of harder leathery materials that protect my toes and my side and the back of my heels.
These two newer pairs were made of the lightest fabric in the universe and they offer very little protections on rocks or what not. The shoes were like having a brain of their own. I went left they went to the right. When I hope on rocks, it slides under me – very dangerous. The inside of the shoes does not stick to my feet. The shoes were too soft, and plyable. I cannot land tip toe. Many times with trail running, you got all different kind of angles you will be landing on, and I need a shoes that does not bend or move away on their own. I need them to be able to balance from any spot/point under my feet. These two new pairs failed miserably. Note, I got them half a size larger anticipating my feet to swell, my feet did not, and so, it was too roomy! It was one of the reasons, the shoes were uncontrollable.
It is not the shoes fault but the user. I chose the shoes and I had to live with the consequences. The shoes were clearly not designed for trail running.
The first new pair from mile 33-62, I beared it grudgingly. But at Gap Creek I had the important decision to make to run with a wet and muddy pair or to which to the new pair. After weighting the pros and cons I chose the newer pair.
That might have been a bad decision because I would be going through one of the most technical sections on the course. The new shoes were not helping. Because of all the slipping and sliding around, my feet were messed up. I hated my shoes every moment of it for the next 12 hours (from 3:30 AM to 3:40 pm until I finished). It was basically no more running. Even walking on the trail was difficult with the new pair. I was lucky that I did not roll or sprain my ankles out there with new but useless shoes.
Conclusion: I learned a bit about shoes especially road shoes. Need to buy shoes that you cannot fold them in your hand or roll them into a ball.
I did not want this to be my race report. There were so many other dimensions about the race. Shoes and drop bags were just a small but important aspect.
I started this post before I wrote the race report. I did not expect to get the race report finished but I did. So what to do about this post?
The night before the race near Kennedy Peak trail (maybe 2 mile away from the peak). I drove up.our camp headquarter, not the barn. Some stayed in lodges, I camped in my car. Staff parking in the rear. We could set camp anywhere except like 200 yards from the start line.
I tend to overthink on things like with the aid stations and drop bags. It does get tedious and boring. They worked as intented during the race. I did better this year in packing not too much and not too little. Almost just right. Actually, I could maybe reduce them a bit. It was an improvement from the Devil Dog. It was my fourth 100, so yes, I learned and improved from all the previous tries.
Anyway, I had trouble of closing this post and I lost the energy to continue. I was glad I got the race report out. This post became secondary and even unneccessary. It is a mini report. It was originally to serve something in the interim before the final report is out. However, I hope this can be interesting to some of my readers. (I found it interesting myself).
I pride myself with planning. I usually over plan things.
Things start with a desire or an idea and I would go from there. This could be a vision or mission statement. Then you look at what is feasible. You break the problem down into smaller pieces and go again. Things usually falls in to places.
After my MMT race of last year, I am kind of rudderless. Big races for this year already decided by then. I had lost faith in myself. Could I still run a 100 mile race?
I signed up for the Devil Dog facing a decision whether to do a shorter version of 62 miles (100K) since I haven’t had a successful 100k run yet, or go with the big daddy the 100 miler.
By now looking back, 100 miler was the way to go. I signed up. Many friends came out to support and actively crew me. I did get across the finishing like with time left on the clock.
Rolling with it, I ran the Blackbeard’s Revenge, not having put much practice into it. Four months is too brief a training cycle. I spent the first couple months just to recover from the Devil Dog, then few more weeks of doing fake running of going through the motion, but training grind wasn’t there.
I finished way stronger than coming in and that was a good thing. I can’t afford another two months of down time since MMT of 2023 is a month away, May 19-21. A little over a month. 6 weeks maybe. I have written so much about it.
I did three training runs. The fourth is about to start tonight (by the time this is posted, it might be a week ago when my readers read this). I feel confident I could tackle this race if it is held today.
So the past few days, I have been twirling my thumbs, what should I run next. I already feel MMT is in the bag. I know I should not get ahead of myself before I even set foot on the course. My interest starts to wane. This is one reason I try not to run a race a second time. I feel like I have seen that done that mentality.
Anyway, I admit recently I hate planning. Because it is messy. Over the last three or four blog posts, I am circling around this topic of what I should do next and I always tell myself if I sleep on it, it would become clearer. Nope. I become more forgetful. I don’t remember what decisions I were suppose to make in my sleep! What was I suppose to be sleeping on? Panic.
Anyway, I looked at a few 100 races. New ideas keep forming. This is the messy part of planning when nothing is certain and things keep moving in and out of focus. I hate this. I wish I can say, this is where we are headed and go for it. shoot an azimuth and go.
I looked at the Ohio Burning River 100 and then I came across the midwest grand slam of four other races I can do, and I said to myself can I do a grand slam!? Crazy right? I started googling the places they are held and the time of year they are taking place and also how hard to get in and the sign up procedures. I got to say, they don’t make it easy! Half of the time the webpage assume you are a local and doesn’t give you the 5w and 1h (who, what, when, where, why, and how). The most important question is where and which state is it in! I wish every race would list the state first, like “Virginia – Devil Dog”. (By the say, Devil Dog’s info is spot on, I am only using them as an example, because I don’t want to point a finger at the race I am about to run). Anyway, I am ranting. I did get all my info. I wish they just standardize the five races websites or just make it into one webpage etc.
What am I saying? I am looking for races to run and I keep finding more and more races. Starting with Burning River, I found out about the Indiana 100. Today, youtube recommended me of Georgia Cruel Jewel 100 (106 miles). I also considering C&O Canal 100, Tunnel Hill 100, Daytona 100, Keys 100, Alabama Pihoti 100, Lousiana Red Dirt 100, Virginia Cloud Spitter 100, and Kansas Heartland 125. I would like to do Lake Tahoe too but their pacing (18 hrs for 72 miles) is a bit rough for me. RD mentioned they are willing to work with runners who need an earlier start. I might need 19-20 hours for that race.
As you see, I love to look at things comprehensively and study it in every possible angles. I might end up just throwing a dart and go from there. Cruel Jewel race kind of speaking to me at the moment. I like a hard race but also doable with 48 hours given. Eastern States, I feel I am still out of that league, 36 hours should be able for me, but then I might need 38-40 hours.
This is where I stand at the moment juggling about 8-10 races in my head. I want to do them all but I know, I have to narrow it down to two or three and that is unfortunate. I found I am miserable at making decisions.
I know it is always back to the central question what do I want to get out of it. I have been struggling this one issue since beginning of this year. I read back my several post, yes, I am exploring. More to come in a few months. If readers are lost, so am I.
I am very Tired…not like when I run a 100 mile physically kind of tired but more like being unmotivated to start this new year!
Last year, I remembered it took me until February to get things rolling. To get my act together!
I asked myself, have I considered taking a month or even couple months off from running. Hmm. The answer is never! Never would I do that. But I think I am starting to experience burn-out. 2021 yep big burn-out time in my 2nd half and it might have affected my 2022 first half. Then I pulled myself together. I don’t know when to stop is the thing. The only time I will take a break is when I fall over dead. Anyway…
I tried to sign up for the WTF 50 (which is this coming weekend), but this time I did not get in. People are too fast! I was only a day late after the registration opened. And it all filled. I could write to the RD and beg. But I know they accepted a limited number of people. I think because the parking lot at the trailhead is quite small. Probably around like 25 spots. But we usually jam three times as many cars.
Anyway…maybe next year then. Why WTF is so special to me? I think because it is hard. It is part of the MMT course, but we are doing it in winter. Either crossing very cold water (the whole trail is on a creek — waterfall) or very icy. Yep it is a suicidal kind of run. I tried to get in for the past 3 years. The first year, I ran by myself, when I didn’t get in. I might still do that, but I know I am too lazy.
I did however get into the first MMT group training run. There will be four of these. I hope to get into all of them. Maybe it is a consolation. Last year, I traded the MMT training run for the WTF and then snow canceled on us. A few managed to go out and skated on the mountain trails. Anyway.
I need a long break. A very long one.
In my last post I said I have two reports to do. I don’t think I will ever get to them. So I will try to do it here as briefly as I could.
First one was Naked Nick. I ran it in middle of December. Two weeks after my 100 miler. It was a 50K. I was surprised I could even manage to finish. I started out slow. Very slow. I kept the pace with couple women who I later found out were my friends or a friend with the friend I rode up to PA with. Small world. I am bad with recognizing faces and I only saw the back side of people for most of the race until I started passing the person who then turned to look at me and called out in surprise, Antin! I thought that was funny. It made me feel bad. She came up from DC to run it too. Yes, it was Yana.
I finished it. I liked it because it was a trail run. It was not challenging at all but of course I could try run it faster next year if I wasn’t doing a big race before it. The friend who drove me there asked if I will do it again. It was her favorite. For me, it was just meh, average. Nothing wrong with the race itself. It was just me being too tired. And the race doesn’t seem to be challenging enough. It was a bit far, about three hours drive and in the middle of winter. Usually I don’t re-do a race! Usually I don’t race in the winter. However, there is less and less new races to do in the area, so I might do it again.
My second run (race) was also a 50K, New Year Redeye Run. I love it and want to do this one year after year. It was our local race by the Happy Trail people. We ran it on January first. It was awesome to see my trail friends. All of them. They were instrumental in helping me get my 100 at the Devil Dog. In fact it was on the same course. Not exact route but the park is only so big, you know, so most of it was overlapping the Devil Dog course.
Note, in the previous post, I said I could run this course blindfolded or something similar with my eyes closed because of the Devil Dog! Because I spent 31 hours out there running the same loop over and over and I was sick of it. I was a bit too prideful. And guess what! I got lost twice doing the Redeye! Almost lost not not exactly lost-lost, but luckily each time, the person behind me called out and got me back on course. Well technically we got lost three times! The 50k was to be done in three loops, the first loop I got off trail with everyone because I was following the mass and the lead missed a turn. (Don’t tell anyone, but no one wanted to backtrack to make the correct turn — this should a DNF for us whole lot, however, no one took it seriously). The second time I did not see the ribbon marker, I think the wind took it, or it wasn’t placed at the turn. Note, a lady Ruth, got lost and could get out till the race closed. She probably was one of the medal contenders but became DNF. The third time, I was just being careless. The turn was marked but I was spacing out. Good thing the guy behind called me to make the turn. Anyway, it was a familiar course and I love the devil dog. It brought back so much memories and emotions on that run.
Both races, were cheap and the Redeye was free! Nothing could beat free. I used them as training runs and did not run my heart out as I would if they were real races. As for satisfaction, it was a bit lower, hence, I was dragging my feet to do formal race reports. I hope this is good enough.
Well back on topic. I don’t know if I will post another entry soon. I want some time to rest. Next post maybe next week or the following.
Some other news, and I am excited about this. I booked my air ticket to Texas this morning. They (American) added a new plane, and the price, I think, was reasonable and it was a direct flight, so I pulled off to the side of the road (I was on my way into work at the time) and booked it. I have been kind of anxious because I kind of forgot about this trip. Now I can relax. That race is just a month away! also a 50k. Ya, Cowtown I am coming.
I have two more trips to plan (Toronto and Outer Banks). I was going do them over Christmas, but holidays — and — I was very unmotivated, so haven’t done them yet. Toronto could hold till maybe March. The trip is in May. I searched for tickets already. There are direct flights and prices were reasonable, except I haven’t booked it yet.
Outer Banks though, I need get this S**T done. It is in March and, other people are fast to get their houses because I will be in conflict with a lot of college students and kids on their spring break! OBX is a too popular a destination. I hate myself for dragging my feet. I know, I don’t need a place myself to sleep because I would be running throughout the night, but I still need get a place for my team/crew. Yes, it is a 100 mile race. 32 hours. Planning scares me. I’ve been praying all these years, send me a manager to do all these logistical stuff. Let me just focus on the running part 😉 But all runners deal with this stuff.
My friend David is going to Austin for his marathon…So jealous (Jelly). I already have a race that weekend or I would join him. I have Holiday Lake instead. I need to remember to go to their training run. I forgot the date. I think possibly next or following werkend. Personally I don’t like to go to that part of Virginia because I can’t use the interstate to get there. It takes forever to get there. Possibly was the reason General Lee chose that place to hide, and ultimately surrendered. It is still hard to get there.
And finally, I am about to finish CRAW. Our group is 100 mile away from the finish line. We ran over 30,000 miles combined. I had done 5000 miles. Maybe a few more days, and we will be done. This is the race around the world. I am proud of my team. CRAW had 6 more bonus regions (like another 15000 miles) to explore Africa and Asia. My group won’t be doing the bonus regions, but I hope to join up with another team to continue.
TLDR – reflection on why I love running. This topic comes up from time to time, and it might not have been my first time thinking through it
While driving my friend to the airport over the weekend, my friend asked me a question I think deserves a good answer. She was someone I haven’t talked to since the beginning of Pararoma (coded). Actually, we might have stopped communicating since I started running about 6 years ago.
During the trip to the airport, She asked an important question of why? Why do I run or why I love running so much? Or maybe why my love of running is more than spending time with my friends and family. Why I place running above so many things? Not sure if it was just a small talk conversation to avoid the silence, but it got me thinking.
I kind of have an answer and not really. I think probably the heart of the matter is similar to the question Jesus asked Peter, Do you love me more than these (referring to Peter’s career as a fisherman), when Jesus reaffirmed Peter’s love after the betrayal and ressurection. My mom often tells me the same thing — to help me realize I shouldn’t make running as my life goal but that the love of God is. To me more and more, running is my purpose and calling.
The simple reason is I love it. Other reasons follow. If I don’t run, what else would I be doing?
Before I started into running, I spent my time for other things as watching movies and Japanese anime, and doing computer stuff or collecting music. I did run back then doing a mile here or there but never spent money on the sport!
I was a quiet person, and still am. I used to spent my weekend programming things and installing software. It was what I liked to do. It is like stripping down a car and rebuilding it back up. However, after I discovered about running, I don’t really have time for those other activities. I gave up on doing stuff on my computer. I only touch a computer because I needed to schedule my races or track my growth, nothing more.
I also run because I need it to train for a harder race. It is circular reasoning. I run so I could run more like doing a 200 mile race, or crossing Tennessee for real or even doing a Forest Gump style crossing the country USA. I do usually run so I can keep on running. Nothing scared me more than signing up for a race…because it means months of training. Fear is a big motivator for me.
Running, gets me to reflect on things. It is my meditation time. I would not want to give this up. For some reason, maybe running is the only time I am away from everything, my work, responsibilities, worries and concerns. Usually if possible I am away from civilization. Sometimes, I stop carrying a phone. Maybe it is only time I could slow down. I know not many have this kind of luxury.
Running shouldn’t be the time to hit the pause button, but life is so busy. I always felt not able to catch up. Running somehow becomes my only time to stop and be isolated for a good time. I feel so much being recharged coming back from my runs.
Meeting with my friend brought up a lot of thoughts especially what if scenarios if I had not found running. Where had my six years of life gone? My long 9 hour race the next day gave me enough time to cool down. This was just one example why I needed running. Maybe I am using running to cope with life’s complexity.
Note, they usually are not a problem, but sometimes things in life have a way of asking why not this way or not that way. Running let me sort them out and true, to forget them too. After my run, I felt so much better.
Yes, I could be better at using my time and energy in other things like how to be better at making more money or how to improve myself. Why running is better than a million other things? That I don’t know. We each have a very limited amount of time available. We all have to make intentional decision how we use it.
I could just run one or two marathons each year now with minimal effort (short training cycle). However, if I want to do trail marathons (100 miles and such) I need to put in that big commitment. The bottom line is is it worth it?
There were many things I enjoy on my run such as being outdoor, being with friends, and being able to celebrate with other accomplishments.
Also for me, if readers haven’t realized, I like to plan things and see things fall into places. Running allows me to test my planning skills. I don’t claim to be the world best planner, but it is something I have control over. I love it. It allows me to be foolish and try so many “new” ideas out there. It is like an ocean for me to explore. Things relating to a race have to work perfectly down to the minute and hour and every mile so on. I like being an “expert” on my body to to push it to perform. I call it self hacking.
True, my mom always say I am not an robot, there is a limit. I know. She always tell me to run just one or two marathons a year, but I would do it every weekend if I have the means. She would read me news of people who died while running a marathon, including the first Greek guy. I would say, the first guy allegedly ran over couple hundred miles from Athen to Sparta (and back) and not just 26.2 miles from the city Marathon to Athen as most believe (well there are several versions of the story). Marathon distances used to break me too, but now they are considered a short distance to me because I believe I could run more than a marathon.
What is my limit? I think it can be stretch. I hope to reach deep. I told my mom, my true goal is to do a 200-mile. She wanted to spank me (jokingly). My mom does not want me to hurt myself. I am sure I won’t. It is very hard to “break” the body by running. There are many things that can hurt me, but running is not one of them. I’m a softie, but I believe running won’t break me.
My conversation with my friend made me feel sad (reflective) in a good way. It was weird how fast time flies. I knew her back in 2014, 8 years ago. Things have changed now. It made me reflect on several other friends I had somehow I were very close these eight years and how they changed as well and probably one of the few that remains as friends.
The question then, do I ever regret getting into running. I could have been a very different person if I had not found out about running. I don’t think I am regretting it. I enjoy running as it is and the new friends and culture I was led into. I might have been a weirdo, maybe I still am, but my running friends have become my community. I am less weird.
Can I stop running one day? Probably, but why, right? One joy I have while being out on the trail over the weekend, was I am glad I don’t have family to tie me down. It was the joy of being free. I don’t need someone’s permission. I can have every weekend being out on the trail. These last 6 years have been my most free and satisfied time in my life. Family is good, and I understand it is not an either-or option. It is that I have one less thing being responsible for.
So when asked why do I run, I just do and I enjoy it. I could tell a long history like this, or simply I love it. There were many other answers or reasons but I think I simply love running.
TLDR – a review of last quarter of my races and a reminder to myself that of some resolutions made at the beginning of the year
Briefly, this week training went well. We are still experiencing the heat wave but it is getting cooler. I finally got myself outside during day time. I started to adapt to the heat. I had a big long run (30 miles) on Sunday. I had a lot of joy, in just running and not care for time or where I was going. My training started to fall into a regular schedule, which is good. This coming weekend, I will be going on for another training run on the Iron Mountain Trail. Hopefully, I will give a report. I had a lot of fun last month when I went there for my training. This will be my last training for the IMTR.
As promised over the last few post, I said I need to pause to do a “quarterly” review. Yes, it has been more than a quarter, but a review is in order.
While pondering what to write for my review, a couple previous posts got my attention because someone recently read them and I got a notification from their likes. I usually don’t pay attention to WP notifications because likely they are bots that are scanning my posts, but I was wondering what those posts were about, and interestingly they kind of what on the topic of what I am seeking to do at this moment. They spoke to and reminded me of my purpose. I will reference them below.
I mentioned I need a time to review where I am heading or if I am achieving my start of the year resolutions. To be honest, I don’t remember what they were. And indeed, if I don’t know, it is a perfect time to pause to readjust my direction. Here from Day457, I resolved
run more. Run first thing in the morning
run faster. 4:15 marathon…is that faster than last year?
run farther
run longer
be more organized (strategic) on my runs
Personally, I feel I am headed in a right way. Maybe it a stronghead trait of me, to never admit that I am lost. To be honest, I have not earnestly try to accomplish any of my resolves. I intentionally made them less precise at the beginning of the year. As to why, maybe for another day.
Day422 (Moonlight rambling) interestingly was on looking back and looking ahead in 2021. Nothing much have changed this year. I still am doing virtual races, the same ones such as running across Tennessee for the third year in a row and also I’m at the end of the second year of running around the world (CRAW), with two out twelve regions remain. I am still very busy. We will finish it by the end of thos year. In fact, I am busier because full blown in-person races are happening again and I signed up as many as I can afford. Last year was kind of a wait-and-see mode, this year, we are back in business boyz. The pandemic restriction is over. The issue noted in that entry of me not keeping a short note of each day/week/month of events, is still true. I haven’t started back logging my daily day to day journal. There were not enough time each day to do what I want. I know it never will. I still miss keeping those type of journaling. They are like mini prayers, and often show how I have changed over time. Journal for me kind of serve like a prayer book. They are my goals and wishes of things I wish to change or get done. (more on this at a later post, about city map, how people change). By not writing, I haven’t made much plans of the future either, other than my race schedule. In general, I know what I will be doing. I have spreadsheets, a bucket list, to-do lists and such, for long term planning. I shared many of my dreams here already, and they are no secret. Readers can read my previous two posts (e.g. Day488, Day489 and Day479). I am seeking thrills and sonething big enough to shake my world. Ever since I started blogging, I am on this mission of changing myself to do better and run farther. This is pretty much my resolution this year. I think, I was being less precise is to step back and see where things will lead. Basically if taken to the n-th degree, I am hoping running around the world…(a dream, but likely a reality maybe). I want to be in Awe.
In the post, I mentioned how easy to get distracted and wander away from the initial goal. In a way, I am getting sidetracked this year with social media especially with twitch.tv. I spent way too much time and money on it than being outside running. I spent in total so far about $3000 on running but I spent twice that amount on Twitch. It is insane, where $5 here and there goes. Their subscription fee is $5, per channel, but often time, I got pulled into giving other people a subscription in what they called subathon — marathon is my thing, and so I was into giving out subs. Bottom line is a lot money. Yep, follow the money and you know where my priority lies.
It is not that I have a problem with twitch.tv. It is interesting and all. Twitch does well in providing a sense of community and give me causes to rally around. I started out following a gamer and then couple musicians and now artists. Two illustrators, whose channels I am active in are lunariaa and wakalaka4eva. Shouting out to them. Please do give them a follow on Twitch and any their other social media platforms. They are indeed worthy of the support. As for me, I need to learn to “balanc” (waka’s community word), leaning back toward my objective, that is to run more, and devote more my time toward it. (seesaw analogy). Everything in moderation.
Day439, (Interlude) is another interesting post at a time when everything was about to go crazy around me because fall season were about to start and my mom’s illness at the time but me in a bind. That was almost my last review of the year (note, Day450 was the last review) and came quite timely, because I am definitely about to head back into that period this year, because I signed up similar races all over again. I am in an interlude at this moment. I can identify I am in similar position with all the races happened last spring and with many races to come in the fall. Now I am at a time when I don’t have any races until Fall.
Looking back, stuff (races) I did in 2021 were unique. It was a pop-off year for my running. I reached a level I couldn’t repeat this year. I tried, but this year was not the same. They were new, exciting, and creative! (artist word). This year, I am less creative. Maybe more about this in a future post, of how I see my running as art.
My races this year, though were hard but were not anything new except for MMT, which we don’t talk about it. First off, my very first race, the Seneca Greenway 50k race was canceled due to weather (rain). Oh ya, the WTF race was also canceled due to ice and snow. It kind of dampened the mood. This came after the Devil Dog, which we won’t talk about that either. I did not run the Grayson Highland this year. Last year, that was my first scary race. I felt I reached another level after finishing it. Nothing like that this year. Also, this year I did not run Laurel Highland race, another fearsome race I successfully ran last year. This year though, I ran the Catoctin 50k the full race, and this was a race I am proud of. Yet a 50k is nothing compare to a 50 mile or 70 mile run. Last year, I only did the short version of the Catoctin Run and this year I got to do the real thing and so I am proud.
The race that tested my mettle this year was the MMT (Massanutten 100). Indeed, it was hard and I did not finish it. I went in knowing it was hard, but as I ran, I was confident I could finish. Then a twist of fate, and I hit my limit near the very end. Definitely a story to tell. The report is available (MMT report, Day477).
Forward looking, I signed up for many same races for the fall as last year. Iron Mountain and Lake Ridge 12 hr run, both were races I did last year. Iron Mountain is my next project and then Devil Dog, both are hard. Plus many other smaller races, e.g., Moonlight marathon, which I haven’t signed up yet, but I might, and it also was a race I did last year. I had more fun out of it than expected.
Plus, I signed up the Devil Dog again, a redo because I did not get to finish it last year. This time I am running a longer distance. I will enter the fall and winter season in full speed. It might not be like last year when everything was new to me, this year, while challenging, they are things I have done before.
What were my resolutions again? I don’t know, but I have many races to do. (Kick myself, stop being lazy and go look up my resolutions, OK, I did). It is my fault to make my resolutions too vague, that I can’t remember them. Not knowing them means I am not actively working toward reaching them.
Note to self: Moonlight Marathon signup, Blue Ridge Marathon sign up, Tulsa Route 66 Marathon, maybe, and Ann Arbor Marathon, maybe.
TL;DR – some self talk to get me into training again. Goals for this year. The year is not over yet
Three weeks since I finished the 100 mile race, and I am in a rough stretch emotionally. It is expected as with any big race that there will be a big let down when the show is over and the limelight dims. It has been always like this. I am floundering.
I don’t have anything immediately to work toward. Life is back to the old grind. There is a sense I hate it here and want to break out. I need to do something different. I have been asking myself what am I trying to do again.
It was good to reread some of my older posts on here and I wrote down the exact things of what I wanted to do from past years, such as Resolutions, Unicorn goals, to this year ABC. They helped. For the past 6 years I have been trying to be a “better” runner. I mean I have been chasing the same goal the last six years and each year, I get a bit better. This year I really understood what that means, to be able to run faster, farther, stronger, longer in any conditions and at any time. I don’t have my mission statement on here but I found it written down in another place and after reading it, I am back on track. I am still shy to share my mission statement here. But this is a fresh breath at the moment when I found I have lost my direction. I felt I finally resurfacing again. MMT is not the end of things.
I reread some of my earlier goals too. They are not wrong. They were just a bit tame. In 2020, all I wanted to do was to run the C&O 100 because in my mind it was the one I could or need to do. Note in the end, I did not do it. I ran instead the Georgia GSER 100 (twice) and failing at that twice in 2020. It was only 2021, I sucessfully did a 100 mile at Raccoon100 and again at RimToRiver100. Anyway, they were my bigger goals then and that I thought they were unreachable. I still need to go back and finish these some day (I mean GSER 100 and C&O100, maybe by 2024).
This year and last year, I am getting clearer to what I wanted to do with my life especially after my mom’s illness and a big fight with my sister. Silly me to try to keep silent of what my goals are. Luckily, there were enough clues there to decipher what they were. Hey it has only been 5 months since the January 1st entry. If I myself don’t know what I want wjo would know? Yes, I wanted to achieve a bigger goal than to run another 100 mile since. Nope, it is not to run a 200 mile, though I am flirting with this. It is to run across America or one of those biggies. And especially I want to refocus on traveling to oversea. I want to travel to 10 places before I die. Don’t laugh. It is not as easy as you think. I don’t mean to travel to Europe and hit all ten at once. Back on topic, I see why I was reluctant to state this during the new year because there is no way for my brain to wrap around those big goals. Also I was afraid of failure. What worse than failure is I fear being laughed at when I fail, even though why would people laugh at me, right? Apparently this year I am been back to my old self of trying to lower the risk of failures and to stay safe! What MMT taught me is I can’t play it safe. Staying safe contributed to losing that race. I was keeping too safe most of the race. It almost got me completely to forget who I am and what I try to do.
I have put them in the back of my mind for over 6 months. Now they are coming back out. Basically what am I doing this year to make that goal a step closer? Nothing much so far, but it shouldn’t be like that.
I need to identify the things that are preventing me from achieving it. Here I am talking about the Nepal trip. If it is money, I need to get my finance in order. I certainly can save up 10-20 thousand dollars if I put my mind to it. I did succeeded in getting my bank account from zero to where it is today, but again I almost ruin my own goals by being distracted by many other things recently as I see my account again going down to the red. I blame Twitch for much of my overspending.
I have been watching SubwaySean on Twitch with his training and now he is over 1 month in walking across the US. There are 5 more months remain on his journey. He basically gives me a template to follow. This goal does not have to be 4 or 5 years away! It can be done now! It takes at least a few months of planning to get me off the ground.
I need to reset my internal compass. I have been at lost after my most recent race.
Thinking more on what I am trying to do for the rest of this year:
Finish this year! Run the marathons I need to run (MM and MI). Go to ME and MA next year. Get all the M states over with -Run faster -Finish CRAW / GVRAT virtual race -evaluate how I can finish 50 states quicker. Yes go back to the planning board -get Run across America on track, need an intentional planning session. I need to say to myself I am doing this -get Annapurna Trip back on Track, seriously have that on my schedule, get the funding down. Six months ago I was hyped about this, because it will be either next spring or fall trip and it is coming up but I have done nothing. I have been waiting 5 years for this, but I have spent the funding that was saved on something else (twitch) this year and there is no room on the schedule for the trip, so I punted this to a later date (2024) -Get MMT (23) back on track. Be intentional that I want this race next year -Start training for OBX100, it won’t be like MMT. This one is all about speed -Get Ontario/Toronto Marathon into view (May for the river front marathon) and some other international marathons down. This is a definite! Have a plan down for the next few years for my international races. I was hyped about this a few years ago. Get this project Rolling
AND don’t forget Cowboy200. Have to put on the big pants to think about attempting a 200 mile race and not shy away just because it is so “impossibly” hard. It is exactly the same process I started when I put 100 mile race on my radar in 2020. Make what is hard easier
Plus add the Chile desert run (Atacama Crossing). This is currently on my peripheral vision but unlike any other goals, this is what is stirring my heart at the moment, maybe if I am really serious, 2023 might be a possibility and if not 2024 or later
Also looking peripherally, Lake Tahoe was once what I wanted to do. FYI, there is still room for registration for this year run! Not sure if this race will make it onto my schedule next year. I think they called this TRT’ER. It was supposed to be this year but I don’t have the confident to tackle this yet. I am kind of want to do a 100 mile instead 50 mile version.
I have been thinking much about Grand Canyon run. That is another thing I want to do to cross the Grand Canyon twice in one day. They called it the R2R2R (rim to rim to rim). R2R2R has been on my mind for the last few years. I need to be serious to get it onto my calendar
As I start thinking more what is left for this year, TWOT, the wild Oak Run is on the peripheral too. I forgot about this but it is likely make it onto my calendar this year. There is plenty left to do for this year. TWOT is scarier than MMT. If you think MMT psyched me out, TWOT is so many times that. There are only a handful of finishers and some people took 40+ hours to finish this thing. But this race is in my backyard! I didn’t think it was that hard. I thought 35 hours were bad. The race starts 8 am on Friday and lasts to Sunday. It is four loop totalling 112 miles. This year will be held on October 28. Registration opens on June 14!
–Devil Dog. I should seriously train for this so I won’t DNF again. Be bold and aim for the 100 mile this time in this God forsaken forest. I wrote about my feeling for this race. It is indeed a devil race
Only thing that get me excited is how hard the fall season will be! MMT was hard! But the Devil Dog will be many times harder. I was there last year and know how brutal the course was. Also next year, it is likely I will do two 100 mile races in a row. Think big. So training for that will be a new height for me. Thinking of the challenges fire me up again.
I wrote up this entry at the beginning of the week. I don’t know why it is still that I am not motivated to run. I ran once during the week on one of the hotter days near midnight. It reminded me on another similar run in January at midnight on one of winter coldest night. I was hoping the contrast somehow will prompted me to start off the fall season training.
I am going to Worlds End to volunteer in a race this weekend. Hopefully, it will raise my spirit up and jump start my training.