In awe

Category: life

  • Day502 reflection

    TLDR – reflection on why I love running. This topic comes up from time to time, and it might not have been my first time thinking through it

    While driving my friend to the airport over the weekend, my friend asked me a question I think deserves a good answer. She was someone I haven’t talked to since the beginning of Pararoma (coded). Actually, we might have stopped communicating since I started running about 6 years ago.

    During the trip to the airport, She asked an important question of why? Why do I run or why I love running so much? Or maybe why my love of running is more than spending time with my friends and family. Why I place running above so many things? Not sure if it was just a small talk conversation to avoid the silence, but it got me thinking.

    I kind of have an answer and not really. I think probably the heart of the matter is similar to the question Jesus asked Peter, Do you love me more than these (referring to Peter’s career as a fisherman), when Jesus reaffirmed Peter’s love after the betrayal and ressurection. My mom often tells me the same thing — to help me realize I shouldn’t make running as my life goal but that the love of God is. To me more and more, running is my purpose and calling.

    The simple reason is I love it. Other reasons follow. If I don’t run, what else would I be doing?

    Before I started into running, I spent my time for other things as watching movies and Japanese anime, and doing computer stuff or collecting music. I did run back then doing a mile here or there but never spent money on the sport!

    I was a quiet person, and still am. I used to spent my weekend programming things and installing software. It was what I liked to do. It is like stripping down a car and rebuilding it back up. However, after I discovered about running, I don’t really have time for those other activities. I gave up on doing stuff on my computer. I only touch a computer because I needed to schedule my races or track my growth, nothing more.

    I also run because I need it to train for a harder race. It is circular reasoning. I run so I could run more like doing a 200 mile race, or crossing Tennessee for real or even doing a Forest Gump style crossing the country USA. I do usually run so I can keep on running. Nothing scared me more than signing up for a race…because it means months of training. Fear is a big motivator for me.

    Running, gets me to reflect on things. It is my meditation time. I would not want to give this up. For some reason, maybe running is the only time I am away from everything, my work, responsibilities, worries and concerns. Usually if possible I am away from civilization. Sometimes, I stop carrying a phone. Maybe it is only time I could slow down. I know not many have this kind of luxury.

    Running shouldn’t be the time to hit the pause button, but life is so busy. I always felt not able to catch up. Running somehow becomes my only time to stop and be isolated for a good time. I feel so much being recharged coming back from my runs.

    Meeting with my friend brought up a lot of thoughts especially what if scenarios if I had not found running. Where had my six years of life gone? My long 9 hour race the next day gave me enough time to cool down. This was just one example why I needed running. Maybe I am using running to cope with life’s complexity.

    Note, they usually are not a problem, but sometimes things in life have a way of asking why not this way or not that way. Running let me sort them out and true, to forget them too. After my run, I felt so much better.

    Yes, I could be better at using my time and energy in other things like how to be better at making more money or how to improve myself. Why running is better than a million other things? That I don’t know. We each have a very limited amount of time available. We all have to make intentional decision how we use it.

    I could just run one or two marathons each year now with minimal effort (short training cycle). However, if I want to do trail marathons (100 miles and such) I need to put in that big commitment. The bottom line is is it worth it?

    There were many things I enjoy on my run such as being outdoor, being with friends, and being able to celebrate with other accomplishments.

    Also for me, if readers haven’t realized, I like to plan things and see things fall into places. Running allows me to test my planning skills. I don’t claim to be the world best planner, but it is something I have control over. I love it. It allows me to be foolish and try so many “new” ideas out there. It is like an ocean for me to explore. Things relating to a race have to work perfectly down to the minute and hour and every mile so on. I like being an “expert” on my body to to push it to perform. I call it self hacking.

    True, my mom always say I am not an robot, there is a limit. I know. She always tell me to run just one or two marathons a year, but I would do it every weekend if I have the means. She would read me news of people who died while running a marathon, including the first Greek guy. I would say, the first guy allegedly ran over couple hundred miles from Athen to Sparta (and back) and not just 26.2 miles from the city Marathon to Athen as most believe (well there are several versions of the story). Marathon distances used to break me too, but now they are considered a short distance to me because I believe I could run more than a marathon.

    What is my limit? I think it can be stretch. I hope to reach deep. I told my mom, my true goal is to do a 200-mile. She wanted to spank me (jokingly). My mom does not want me to hurt myself. I am sure I won’t. It is very hard to “break” the body by running. There are many things that can hurt me, but running is not one of them. I’m a softie, but I believe running won’t break me.

    My conversation with my friend made me feel sad (reflective) in a good way. It was weird how fast time flies. I knew her back in 2014, 8 years ago. Things have changed now. It made me reflect on several other friends I had somehow I were very close these eight years and how they changed as well and probably one of the few that remains as friends.

    The question then, do I ever regret getting into running. I could have been a very different person if I had not found out about running. I don’t think I am regretting it. I enjoy running as it is and the new friends and culture I was led into. I might have been a weirdo, maybe I still am, but my running friends have become my community. I am less weird.

    Can I stop running one day? Probably, but why, right? One joy I have while being out on the trail over the weekend, was I am glad I don’t have family to tie me down. It was the joy of being free. I don’t need someone’s permission. I can have every weekend being out on the trail. These last 6 years have been my most free and satisfied time in my life. Family is good, and I understand it is not an either-or option. It is that I have one less thing being responsible for.

    So when asked why do I run, I just do and I enjoy it. I could tell a long history like this, or simply I love it. There were many other answers or reasons but I think I simply love running.

  • Day500 Yay! 500

    TL;DR – A regular title Review 22.12 would be enough for my highlighted events since last year (Day450). No I did not run 500 races.

    When I reread the last 50-day report of Day450, my two 100 mile races stood out. Honestly, I couldn’t top it this year. I have two 100 mile races this year too, but one of them, I already DNF’d (did not finish) it and the other I have not yet run, and it is not out of this world exciting nor do I have the confident that I will finish it! They are hard.

    In 2022, I faced with one setback after another. I don’t mean injuries, but that too. It was bad early in the year when I had to limp around and running was out of the question. I mean when I was all healed up, my performance was more than desired. I was struggling with my weight issue notwithstanding. Nothing seemed to go right. Slowly, I rebuilt my strength and speed. It was not enough for my two A-races. No, they were more S-tier races. I am not sad or mad about it. If you know, I wanted to challenge myself by stepping it up. Indeed I did.

    I have been saying that I have been doing goals that were relatively easy, achievable and 100% risk-free. There was almost no risk of failures. I started to dream up goals by adding 25% beyond what I think is reasonable and tried them. I stretched myself to goals that are a bit beyond me. This season, these two races truly tested me. For this reason, the races were tantalizing close within my grasp. I got what I asked for.

    I am happy with my progress. It is hard to show “no result” and call that good. But it is. I guess in the end it is the process that matters more. Got to remind myself that.

    Which races I am talking about? The MMT – Massanutten Mountain 100. I trained very hard for this at the beginning of the year. I was on the borderline of making it happened (like actual finishing it). In the end, I was just within 15 minutes behind the final cutoff and five mile away from getting the buckle. Again, I am not mad. I wrote many posts on it. My full report of the race can be found here.

    Second one was the Iron Mountain. I was also so close of getting this race under 12 hours. I know it can be done. I was also within the 15-20 minute window. I just need to be a bit of a stronger runner. I trained for this race over the summer. There is nothing much to say. My Report of the race can be found here.

    I am so thankful I had the chance to run both races. Awesome experience and the friends I made. Regardless their outcomes, I did what I set out to do. Just fell short that’s all. It was all part of the plan. I don’t plan to fail but it was also expected. I had fun and enjoyed doing them. I sometimes feel salty about them, but it will all pass. I got to move on. This is something I learned recently. Everything is temporary. Victories or defeats, they all pass.

    Many of my events for this year were very similar to last year. I did Rock n the Knob again for the third time (report). I did the Richmond’s Dominion Power River Rock trail fest for the third time too (no reports written for any of the years). I mentioned these because I had a lot of fun there. Also I am still pursuing my 50 states marathon goal. This is a multi year adventure. I went to Minnesota (for Grandma’s in Duluth) this summer. And I went Ann Arbor (the report not yet published). In a couple weeks, I will add another state (keeping it quiet for now, but I hope to get New Jersey, fingers crossed). Slowly but surely, I am getting my 50 states done, whether it will be in the next 5 or 10 years. I wrote about a bunch of them in my last (semi-official) quarterly report (Day490), which was a long post.

    The quarterly report of Day 490 got me back on track and gave me a new impetus for the fall season.

    meta: I was glad for doing some soul searching on Day490. As going forth, I plan to write a report around every 10-15 days or so, to be more in line with the timing. I figured I need that quarterly reminder.

    Many things have happened since. I ran the Iron Mountain as mentioned. My August month was mostly training for that race (I made several trips down to Iron Mountain). In July, I ran the Catoctin. What did I do in June? I went to Minnesota, and ran the Grandma’s.

    What else did I do? I don’t remember other than running. Spring came fast. Then summer and now fall. I traveled a lot but mostly for running. Places that were far last year, no longer seem that far. I had mostly peace in my family since my mom has recovered (it was a year since she had her stroke).

    I finished the Gvrat (The Tennessee Rat Race) for the third time, running across Tennesee virtually. Note, it is actual running but not at the actual location. The excitement was not the same as the first or second year when I did it. I only did the bare minimum to get my 640 miles in over the summer for the award (a medal). In comparison, the first year, I did over 1000 miles. The second year, I did two crossings (that is 1300 miles). I was hoping to do more this year. Surprisingly, I did less this year. 640 miles is still whole lot of miles to many people.

    I am also part of the Craw Race (running around the world, virtually). After three years, we are about to finish. Similar to the Gvrat, the fervor has gone down quite a bit since we started. My original team is intached but one. Some other teams had disbanded or became too slow to finish. We are still trucking. We have only 2000 ish miles left (a month or two away). I confess we are struggling with our miles. Half of the team are injured or recovering. Some are sick, Covid too hampered our team. Plus, I bet the general life struggles is taking a toll. There are a few old guards who trudge on–that is the ultra running spirit. We likely will finish it by the end of this year. Currently our team is near the Canadian border, and we will cross into the US and then run to the Mexico border, where we all started. Winter is coming. Last year, we were bogged down by the cold.

    The last few weeks, I have been running in one event after event. I am overjoyed with so many runs, such as LakeRidge 12 hr., Rock n the Knob, and Pemberton 24. Their reports are somewhere here: 1, 2, 3.

    I still have many more races to come before the year ends. Maybe 4-5 more. I met a 62 y.o. woman (Caroline) who got me into a race in December (Naked Nick). She is an amazing avid runner. She races ever weekend just like me. I met another lady (Tek) who runs 100 miles like I run marathons. She doesn’t get tired. I have to suck it up.

    Normally, I don’t run when it is cold. It is getting cold. Now, oh a race, sign me up. There is Stone Mill 50 in November (a yearly tradition for me so far, my 3rd time) and lastly the fearsome Devil Dog 100. I won’t talk about this now.

    What about next year? I will publish it soon before the end of the year. But most important one is, I have OBX (Black Beard’s Revenge) as my biggest race. Then I’ll try to go to Canada to have my “international debut!” at the Toronto Marathon (I haven’t decided which one, May or October; October’s TCS Waterfront is more preferred). I wish to get a couple new states in but traveling is becoming costly. I have no plan yet which state to go to, maybe Georgia or North Carolina. Personally, I still want to go to Tulsa, OK except the airfare is so expensive (and I want a direct flight).

    One important thing recently I have asked myself is why am I doing this? To others it seems I have lost my mind with so many races. The answer I came up is because I love it. I actually wrote up a blog entry but haven’t published it.

    Looking even longer down the road, maybe for 2024, I want to do some big crossings, such as the 4 deserts race – Atacama Crossing. I am also thinking of crossing TN, Tennessee for real, as in the Last annual Vol State or Heart of the South if I get in that is. I also have the Nepal trip on the backburner, which was supposed to be for 2023. Plus maybe a Sydney Trip for the Sydney Marathon. There are so many races I want to do. Any one of these is a bucket list item for me. Not likely if I get any of these done but I can certainly dream.

    This past week, a similar idea came up while I was listening to classical music on my way to work. Haydn wrote 104 of symphonies, and he definitely is a prolific muscian. That is a mind bloggling number. Why? Because he was good at it and loved doing what he was doing. I don’t see myself as Haydn, but my running is like an opus. It is my work of art. I can’t get tired of running in another race. I want more of them. Maybe 104 more.

    Sorry, I digress. 2022 is not like 2021, I reached my highs and my lows. I don’t have regrets even for races that seemed to be a failure. I accepted them. Some might say, I reached my limit. I think they are just minor setbacks, bumps along the road. They are part of the journey.

    The post is long enough, I know some is wondering what about the Ann Arbor Marathon race report I just ran the past weekend! We want to know how it went, some would say. It is coming soon ™ I promise.

  • Day492 Training Week #6

    Six weeks went by already and I felt I just started. Usually, I only need about 10-12 weeks to train, this time I am in trouble. I might need 16+ weeks to get ready.

    Like what I said in my last training, I slacked off too much this season. Not that I could not run a 50 mile distance but I am worried that I can’t do it in the time given. I am pretty sure I can do it in 13 hours. 12 hours is maybe out of reach for me, but let not jink it. I can’t run that fast any more on the trail.

    I don’t know what to do. I know I need some HIIT – High intensity interval training, both to lose some fat and also increase my fitness level.

    Last couple weeks, I have been stuck on some decisions. Yes they are about my races. I couldn’t make up my mind.

    1. West Virginia Moonlight on the Falls this weekend. I couldn’t bring myself to sign up. I guess I am not going.

    2. Ann Arbor Marathon. This one is on my calendar since last year. Again I couldn’t bring myself to sign up.

    3. Atlantic City Marathon. A couple bloggers wrote about this race. At first I was not interested in it, but now I see it as an easy way to knock out one of my 50 states.

    During middle of the week, I was looking for a sign, and guess what!? I think I received them. During my nightly run, one of the guys said he is moving back home, and his home is in Ann Arbor. Yup, one of the signs I should go there. Usually, I only do a race if I knew someone from the place. This meets that requirement!

    Couple hours later, after I finished the run, I opened a Twich channel as I was going home, they were playing the song, Country Road. I felt that is a call for me to go to Weat Virginia.

    Still I don’t feel comfortable (peaceful) to go the race in West Virginia this weekend. I struggled last year about runing that one (because the race is bpring to me, no offends to RD and others who are heading there now to run). It is a 6.5 mile looped course.

    I know it is silly to ask for signs and then ignore them.

    I guess my readers would want to know what I decided? I didn’t sign up for West Virginia race (I know it is still not too late) but I made up my mind. I’m not going. I am planning to go to Iron Mountain instead, for one more training run. My heart is actually torn between the two choices.

    As for Ann Arbor, I signed up last night. I brought my plane ticket. It is an expensive trip. I still need to fimd a hotel and car rental. A whole lot of money just left my bank account. The airfare is twice as much as what I was seeing before. I could do a quick in quick out, fly in on Sat, run, and then leave on Sunday, but I decided to stay an extra night. Suck it up and pay. This will be next month.

    As for the Atlantic City Marathon, I signed up too. This will the cheapest of the three races. I got a 15% from a fellow blogger (SheRunsBySeashore).

    Oh, I forgot to mention my training. It is bad. I did not run at much in Week 6. Maybe at most 6 miles. Nothing to brag about.

    meta – off topic, thank you for reading. Not sure why, but this week I got a higher amount of traffic to my blog. Not that I care if anyone looks at my stuff, but hey, not sure what people find anything interesting. It could be people want to know more about the IMTR… because the race date is approaching. 1 more week guys! Oh gosh, I would be embarrassed if they are using mine to plan their run. Please don’t base off your run strat on my last post. I’m nowhere near to be an expert.

  • Day490 Q review, Tw4

    TLDR – a review of last quarter of my races and a reminder to myself that of some resolutions made at the beginning of the year

    Briefly, this week training went well. We are still experiencing the heat wave but it is getting cooler. I finally got myself outside during day time. I started to adapt to the heat. I had a big long run (30 miles) on Sunday. I had a lot of joy, in just running and not care for time or where I was going. My training started to fall into a regular schedule, which is good. This coming weekend, I will be going on for another training run on the Iron Mountain Trail. Hopefully, I will give a report. I had a lot of fun last month when I went there for my training. This will be my last training for the IMTR.

    As promised over the last few post, I said I need to pause to do a “quarterly” review. Yes, it has been more than a quarter, but a review is in order.

    While pondering what to write for my review, a couple previous posts got my attention because someone recently read them and I got a notification from their likes. I usually don’t pay attention to WP notifications because likely they are bots that are scanning my posts, but I was wondering what those posts were about, and interestingly they kind of what on the topic of what I am seeking to do at this moment. They spoke to and reminded me of my purpose. I will reference them below.

    I mentioned I need a time to review where I am heading or if I am achieving my start of the year resolutions. To be honest, I don’t remember what they were. And indeed, if I don’t know, it is a perfect time to pause to readjust my direction. Here from Day457, I resolved

    1. run more. Run first thing in the morning
    2. run faster. 4:15 marathon…is that faster than last year?
    3. run farther
    4. run longer
    5. be more organized (strategic) on my runs

    Personally, I feel I am headed in a right way. Maybe it a stronghead trait of me, to never admit that I am lost. To be honest, I have not earnestly try to accomplish any of my resolves. I intentionally made them less precise at the beginning of the year. As to why, maybe for another day.

    Day422 (Moonlight rambling) interestingly was on looking back and looking ahead in 2021. Nothing much have changed this year. I still am doing virtual races, the same ones such as running across Tennessee for the third year in a row and also I’m at the end of the second year of running around the world (CRAW), with two out twelve regions remain. I am still very busy. We will finish it by the end of thos year. In fact, I am busier because full blown in-person races are happening again and I signed up as many as I can afford. Last year was kind of a wait-and-see mode, this year, we are back in business boyz. The pandemic restriction is over. The issue noted in that entry of me not keeping a short note of each day/week/month of events, is still true. I haven’t started back logging my daily day to day journal. There were not enough time each day to do what I want. I know it never will. I still miss keeping those type of journaling. They are like mini prayers, and often show how I have changed over time. Journal for me kind of serve like a prayer book. They are my goals and wishes of things I wish to change or get done. (more on this at a later post, about city map, how people change). By not writing, I haven’t made much plans of the future either, other than my race schedule. In general, I know what I will be doing. I have spreadsheets, a bucket list, to-do lists and such, for long term planning. I shared many of my dreams here already, and they are no secret. Readers can read my previous two posts (e.g. Day488, Day489 and Day479). I am seeking thrills and sonething big enough to shake my world. Ever since I started blogging, I am on this mission of changing myself to do better and run farther. This is pretty much my resolution this year. I think, I was being less precise is to step back and see where things will lead. Basically if taken to the n-th degree, I am hoping running around the world…(a dream, but likely a reality maybe). I want to be in Awe.

    In the post, I mentioned how easy to get distracted and wander away from the initial goal. In a way, I am getting sidetracked this year with social media especially with twitch.tv. I spent way too much time and money on it than being outside running. I spent in total so far about $3000 on running but I spent twice that amount on Twitch. It is insane, where $5 here and there goes. Their subscription fee is $5, per channel, but often time, I got pulled into giving other people a subscription in what they called subathon — marathon is my thing, and so I was into giving out subs. Bottom line is a lot money. Yep, follow the money and you know where my priority lies.

    It is not that I have a problem with twitch.tv. It is interesting and all. Twitch does well in providing a sense of community and give me causes to rally around. I started out following a gamer and then couple musicians and now artists. Two illustrators, whose channels I am active in are lunariaa and wakalaka4eva. Shouting out to them. Please do give them a follow on Twitch and any their other social media platforms. They are indeed worthy of the support. As for me, I need to learn to “balanc” (waka’s community word), leaning back toward my objective, that is to run more, and devote more my time toward it. (seesaw analogy). Everything in moderation.

    Day439, (Interlude) is another interesting post at a time when everything was about to go crazy around me because fall season were about to start and my mom’s illness at the time but me in a bind. That was almost my last review of the year (note, Day450 was the last review) and came quite timely, because I am definitely about to head back into that period this year, because I signed up similar races all over again. I am in an interlude at this moment. I can identify I am in similar position with all the races happened last spring and with many races to come in the fall. Now I am at a time when I don’t have any races until Fall.

    Looking back, stuff (races) I did in 2021 were unique. It was a pop-off year for my running. I reached a level I couldn’t repeat this year. I tried, but this year was not the same. They were new, exciting, and creative! (artist word). This year, I am less creative. Maybe more about this in a future post, of how I see my running as art.

    My races this year, though were hard but were not anything new except for MMT, which we don’t talk about it. First off, my very first race, the Seneca Greenway 50k race was canceled due to weather (rain). Oh ya, the WTF race was also canceled due to ice and snow. It kind of dampened the mood. This came after the Devil Dog, which we won’t talk about that either. I did not run the Grayson Highland this year. Last year, that was my first scary race. I felt I reached another level after finishing it. Nothing like that this year. Also, this year I did not run Laurel Highland race, another fearsome race I successfully ran last year. This year though, I ran the Catoctin 50k the full race, and this was a race I am proud of. Yet a 50k is nothing compare to a 50 mile or 70 mile run. Last year, I only did the short version of the Catoctin Run and this year I got to do the real thing and so I am proud.

    The race that tested my mettle this year was the MMT (Massanutten 100). Indeed, it was hard and I did not finish it. I went in knowing it was hard, but as I ran, I was confident I could finish. Then a twist of fate, and I hit my limit near the very end. Definitely a story to tell. The report is available (MMT report, Day477).

    Forward looking, I signed up for many same races for the fall as last year. Iron Mountain and Lake Ridge 12 hr run, both were races I did last year. Iron Mountain is my next project and then Devil Dog, both are hard. Plus many other smaller races, e.g., Moonlight marathon, which I haven’t signed up yet, but I might, and it also was a race I did last year. I had more fun out of it than expected.

    Plus, I signed up the Devil Dog again, a redo because I did not get to finish it last year. This time I am running a longer distance. I will enter the fall and winter season in full speed. It might not be like last year when everything was new to me, this year, while challenging, they are things I have done before.

    What were my resolutions again? I don’t know, but I have many races to do. (Kick myself, stop being lazy and go look up my resolutions, OK, I did). It is my fault to make my resolutions too vague, that I can’t remember them. Not knowing them means I am not actively working toward reaching them.

    Note to self: Moonlight Marathon signup, Blue Ridge Marathon sign up, Tulsa Route 66 Marathon, maybe, and Ann Arbor Marathon, maybe.

  • Day488 Training week 2

    The next four weeks between now and until IMTR (my race), there is going to be very little activity except for training.

    This year, I have hard time with finding motivation to train. I know training is necessary. I’m not a prodigy with natural running talent. Some people, if they are young can just go out and run a 100 miles because their body has a limitless supply of energy and they are like Wolverine that can self regenerate after an injury. I am not one of those monsters.

    My hardest problem with training is geting out there. Once I am out, I have no problem in running for a long period.

    I have not run much lately. What is shocking is how hot summer is getting. It shouldn’t be a suprise since it is not my first summer running. I found it is hard to adjust to running in the hot sun. Even night time is hot.

    I had couple nights of running at very late hours. It brought back the old feeling of me being out there alone. I love it. At first, it was like poor me, sun was setting and I still had miles to go before I sleep, but then it brought back memories of several races, especially the first time doing a night run, when a runner came by and pointed me to the sky. We stopped and I looked up and blessed the unforgetable view. It was so beautiful that I got goosebumps.

    I think I am back at ground zero with my training like six months ago. I can’t run for long. People said I do walk and run strategy. True, that was how I trained for the last 100 mile race. However, now I want to be able to run say 30+ minutes without having to stop. I have being doing stop and go not because I want it but because my body couldn’t take it to sustain the run for more than 5 minutes and I’d have to walk. I remember maby beginner runners are frustrated that the can’t run. I wish to rebuild my cardio that would allow me to run far in one breath. I struggled with this at the start of MMT training back in winter.

    I have been at lost. I know where I am headed, like I have all the races for this year and next year mapped out. There was a blog post I held back from publishing, that goes into details of why I am struggling. The tone of it does not sound right. General rule is readers want a happy tone. Even if it is not, there should be some kind of hope or redemption. I haven’t find my magic to solve whatever I am going through. The gist is I am living between a fantasy and the real world. I need money to live the lifestyle I want to live, yet at the same time, I want to leave everything to pursuit the dream of exploring around the world. I guess we all are, its called life.

    I know what I want five years from now. There are some really big bucket list items to do (like once in a life time thing). What I am kind of in the fog is what am I doing right now. Half of the year passed. I know in the past, I have quarterly update to keep me moving in the right direction according to my mid term and long term goals. I was not planning to do a refocus session for another 12 weeks, till near the end of the year, but that might be too long to wait for. I was thinking of doing some kind of review in the interim, sort of like half year realignment.

    Don’t mind me, I am kind of at lost this week.

    What update I can give: CRAW – our virtual race around the world with nine other people, we finally reached Alaska. I’m lucky to have other 9 people to share the mileage, but there are crazy teams out there that have only one or 2 people doing this, and it is taking forever for them to finish.

    For us, we only have 4500 miles left. We will run down from Alaska, cross over into Canada, and then run down the plain of the US and to the Mexico border, where we all started about two years ago. 100 running teams have already finished. The race for a prize ended last year. For our team, we are happy if we even reach the finish this year. We are likely will be the 117th team or team 118 to complete this. Probably will take five months. We aim to finish before December 31. There are about 20 teams in front of us and 20 teams behind us. I was told this race will continue on until next year, so we are not in any risk of being dropped (DNF). As long as we continue to make progress the next five months, it should be an easy finish. Our team is a bit beat up though. Even myself, I’m kind of worn out. Several of our star runners have injuries (as expected) from over doing it.

    After we finish, there is an extended CRAW (for another 10 or so regions) that starts in Africa and cross middle east and then into Asia to the Pacific. We likely will not do it since mentally I am beat.

    My display board of the map showing the regions we passed have arrived last night. I haven’t opened it yet. It will be a good motivation to keep on.

    We have done this race virtually (like a mental excercise), though that does not mean it is easy. I wish one day I can do it in person. Of course, I probably will skip couple regions like the south pole or the north pole. It is pretty cool there are people who actually do walk/run around the world. It won’t take just a year to complete in real life, it probably takes 4-5 years runing 40-50 miles a day. For me, it might take 10 years. The reality is, I am running out of time, unless I start this journey right now. Still, I keep my hope up that one day I get to walk around the world.

    Why I share this? It is kind of esoteric. No one knows or cares that we ran virtually around the world. I think the cool thing as the race director mentioned it, is training in itself is boring, but if we imagine we are running in actual places, training can become another level of fun. Are we actually running around the world the last 2 years, no, but do we feel like we ran around the world, absolutely!

  • Day481 Richmond virtual option

    TL;DR flexing a few races I will be doing

    I wrote up two entries this week. They are not related. I am excited of both of them. Here is the first. I will be also traveling this weekend for a race. I will write about that race soon. Keeping it under wrap for now as not to jink it.

    I deferred the Richmond race two years ago because of the Corona. Last year, I was waiting for the signup email and it came late after I already signed up for another race. This year I knew what to expect.

    Yesterday I received the email from the race organization with the signup link for it (for people who deferred). Originally I was not going to run the Richmond race. Just like last year, I already picked out another race for that weekend. This year I didn’t antagonize over whether to do the Richmond race or the other one. In fact, I had four races to choose from for that weekend. Richmond was at the very bottom of my list. Then I realized what if they have a virtual option. They do, so I signed up to run it virtually.

    This is for November 12 weekend. I probably will fulfill my virtual obligation the week prior. I plan to travel down to Richmond to do it. It seems silly but it will give me the motivation to run it.

    As for what race I picked to run on November 12, readers would have to wait and see. It is not a big secret, but I like to keep it kind of a secret for now.

    Related I signed up for The Wild Oak Run (they called it applying but I think likely I will be accepted since I am doing a “fun” run). More on this when the event arrives.

    I might have mentioned I signed up for Lake Ridge Ultra (Lake Claytor) on 9/11 weekend and the Iron Mountain Ultra (Hurricane trail).

    My next ultra will be the Catoctin. A few years ago when I wanted to run it, the race description scared me, so I ended up running 25K instead. Well that was really last year and when I showed up to the course, I was like what!? 25k is like a half marathon. Can you believe I was freaked out by a 50k? I am amazed by how my perspective has changed after running a 100 mile.

    Also in case I forgot to say, I locked in a spot for the 24 5k at Pemberton. It is highly anticipated. I have been wanting to do it since I had an eye on running ultras. Can I do it? The answer should be yes.

    What this all about? Somehow signing up races get me excited. Also relating to the last blog entry how my perspective change the 2nd year of redoing some of the same races.

    “Your mercy are new every morning”

  • Day479 lost and found

    TL;DR – some self talk to get me into training again. Goals for this year. The year is not over yet

    Three weeks since I finished the 100 mile race, and I am in a rough stretch emotionally. It is expected as with any big race that there will be a big let down when the show is over and the limelight dims. It has been always like this. I am floundering.

    I don’t have anything immediately to work toward. Life is back to the old grind. There is a sense I hate it here and want to break out. I need to do something different. I have been asking myself what am I trying to do again.

    It was good to reread some of my older posts on here and I wrote down the exact things of what I wanted to do from past years, such as Resolutions, Unicorn goals, to this year ABC. They helped. For the past 6 years I have been trying to be a “better” runner. I mean I have been chasing the same goal the last six years and each year, I get a bit better. This year I really understood what that means, to be able to run faster, farther, stronger, longer in any conditions and at any time. I don’t have my mission statement on here but I found it written down in another place and after reading it, I am back on track. I am still shy to share my mission statement here. But this is a fresh breath at the moment when I found I have lost my direction. I felt I finally resurfacing again. MMT is not the end of things.

    I reread some of my earlier goals too. They are not wrong. They were just a bit tame. In 2020, all I wanted to do was to run the C&O 100 because in my mind it was the one I could or need to do. Note in the end, I did not do it. I ran instead the Georgia GSER 100 (twice) and failing at that twice in 2020. It was only 2021, I sucessfully did a 100 mile at Raccoon100 and again at RimToRiver100. Anyway, they were my bigger goals then and that I thought they were unreachable. I still need to go back and finish these some day (I mean GSER 100 and C&O100, maybe by 2024).

    This year and last year, I am getting clearer to what I wanted to do with my life especially after my mom’s illness and a big fight with my sister. Silly me to try to keep silent of what my goals are. Luckily, there were enough clues there to decipher what they were. Hey it has only been 5 months since the January 1st entry. If I myself don’t know what I want wjo would know? Yes, I wanted to achieve a bigger goal than to run another 100 mile since. Nope, it is not to run a 200 mile, though I am flirting with this. It is to run across America or one of those biggies. And especially I want to refocus on traveling to oversea. I want to travel to 10 places before I die. Don’t laugh. It is not as easy as you think. I don’t mean to travel to Europe and hit all ten at once. Back on topic, I see why I was reluctant to state this during the new year because there is no way for my brain to wrap around those big goals. Also I was afraid of failure. What worse than failure is I fear being laughed at when I fail, even though why would people laugh at me, right? Apparently this year I am been back to my old self of trying to lower the risk of failures and to stay safe! What MMT taught me is I can’t play it safe. Staying safe contributed to losing that race. I was keeping too safe most of the race. It almost got me completely to forget who I am and what I try to do.

    I have put them in the back of my mind for over 6 months. Now they are coming back out. Basically what am I doing this year to make that goal a step closer? Nothing much so far, but it shouldn’t be like that.

    I need to identify the things that are preventing me from achieving it. Here I am talking about the Nepal trip. If it is money, I need to get my finance in order. I certainly can save up 10-20 thousand dollars if I put my mind to it. I did succeeded in getting my bank account from zero to where it is today, but again I almost ruin my own goals by being distracted by many other things recently as I see my account again going down to the red. I blame Twitch for much of my overspending.

    I have been watching SubwaySean on Twitch with his training and now he is over 1 month in walking across the US. There are 5 more months remain on his journey. He basically gives me a template to follow. This goal does not have to be 4 or 5 years away! It can be done now! It takes at least a few months of planning to get me off the ground.

    I need to reset my internal compass. I have been at lost after my most recent race.

    Thinking more on what I am trying to do for the rest of this year:

    Finish this year! Run the marathons I need to run (MM and MI). Go to ME and MA next year. Get all the M states over with
    -Run faster
    -Finish CRAW / GVRAT virtual race
    -evaluate how I can finish 50 states quicker. Yes go back to the planning board
    -get Run across America on track, need an intentional planning session. I need to say to myself I am doing this
    -get Annapurna Trip back on Track, seriously have that on my schedule, get the funding down. Six months ago I was hyped about this, because it will be either next spring or fall trip and it is coming up but I have done nothing. I have been waiting 5 years for this, but I have spent the funding that was saved on something else (twitch) this year and there is no room on the schedule for the trip, so I punted this to a later date (2024)
    -Get MMT (23) back on track. Be intentional that I want this race next year
    -Start training for OBX100, it won’t be like MMT. This one is all about speed
    -Get Ontario/Toronto Marathon into view (May for the river front marathon) and some other international marathons down. This is a definite! Have a plan down for the next few years for my international races. I was hyped about this a few years ago. Get this project Rolling

    AND don’t forget Cowboy200. Have to put on the big pants to think about attempting a 200 mile race and not shy away just because it is so “impossibly” hard. It is exactly the same process I started when I put 100 mile race on my radar in 2020. Make what is hard easier

    Plus add the Chile desert run (Atacama Crossing). This is currently on my peripheral vision but unlike any other goals, this is what is stirring my heart at the moment, maybe if I am really serious, 2023 might be a possibility and if not 2024 or later

    Also looking peripherally, Lake Tahoe was once what I wanted to do. FYI, there is still room for registration for this year run! Not sure if this race will make it onto my schedule next year. I think they called this TRT’ER. It was supposed to be this year but I don’t have the confident to tackle this yet. I am kind of want to do a 100 mile instead 50 mile version.

    I have been thinking much about Grand Canyon run. That is another thing I want to do to cross the Grand Canyon twice in one day. They called it the R2R2R (rim to rim to rim). R2R2R has been on my mind for the last few years. I need to be serious to get it onto my calendar

    As I start thinking more what is left for this year, TWOT, the wild Oak Run is on the peripheral too. I forgot about this but it is likely make it onto my calendar this year. There is plenty left to do for this year. TWOT is scarier than MMT. If you think MMT psyched me out, TWOT is so many times that. There are only a handful of finishers and some people took 40+ hours to finish this thing. But this race is in my backyard! I didn’t think it was that hard. I thought 35 hours were bad. The race starts 8 am on Friday and lasts to Sunday. It is four loop totalling 112 miles. This year will be held on October 28. Registration opens on June 14!

    –Devil Dog. I should seriously train for this so I won’t DNF again. Be bold and aim for the 100 mile this time in this God forsaken forest. I wrote about my feeling for this race. It is indeed a devil race

    Only thing that get me excited is how hard the fall season will be! MMT was hard! But the Devil Dog will be many times harder. I was there last year and know how brutal the course was. Also next year, it is likely I will do two 100 mile races in a row. Think big. So training for that will be a new height for me. Thinking of the challenges fire me up again.

    I wrote up this entry at the beginning of the week. I don’t know why it is still that I am not motivated to run. I ran once during the week on one of the hotter days near midnight. It reminded me on another similar run in January at midnight on one of winter coldest night. I was hoping the contrast somehow will prompted me to start off the fall season training.

    I am going to Worlds End to volunteer in a race this weekend. Hopefully, it will raise my spirit up and jump start my training.

  • Day478 Memorial weekend

    After a big race, my body is recovering well. Unlike other races that usually I would be in a near broken state, I am pretty much recovered after couple days resting. It could be I was not running that hard. It felt like another marathon, I just bounced back after a good night sleep. Maybe I am still young.

    I went to Richmond the following week after my big race and participated in an adventure festival. It was a two-day of running, biking, watersport event, plus concerts, shows and many other things like scravenger hunt and city walk. I only did the running thing. I had ton of fun. My body recovered fully for me to enjoy two small runs (a 10k and a half marathon) over the weekend. I still ran hard but I was not as stressed as at MMT. I actually ran the half marathon 2 minutes faster than last year. I did not write a report last year, so I don’t know what effort I put into running it last year. Assuming I would be fresh last year and I ran hard, then I was on par, which is pretty good after just a week from the running a 100 miles. Statistically, it was not significant, but I felt I was on top of the world and crushed the race. I was strong in attacking the hills. I felt my peers were wowing over me as I cruised around the course. Truth, many older men out ran me. I saw a few grandpas there. They were amazing. They out ran many young men like me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t pass them.

    There are still the Devil Dog and the Iron Montain to sign up. Iron Mountain’s (IMTR) registration is opening on June 1st. Iron Mountain was my last summer masterpiece. Devil Dog opens on July 4th. Devil Dog, we won’t say much until I successful finish this race. It was a PITA (pain in the behinds) race for me last year. This race I am actually feeling more frustrated over than MMT. MMT I accept the result. The course bested me and I knew that going in. I guess it had to do with expectation. I went into the Devil Dog expecting it to be easy as I had done a 50K there the prior year and then it turned out to be hard and the course defeated me, not just defeating me but was a crushing defeat. And I called myself an endurance runner. We are not going go into it. Thinking about Devil Dog each time makes my blood boil.

    Now the MMT race is over, I am beginning to look to the fall. I signed up for Claytor Lake (9/11) and Stone Mill (nov) over the weekend. I was debating whether to do these two previously. Originally, I wanted to head to Georgia to do the Battlefield Marathon. Then thinking of the 9-10 hours of driving turned me off. I will stick to local races. Claytor is the 24 hour thing. I decided to be safe and signed up for the 12 hour just like last year. Stone Mill, I ran it twice already. I am going back for the third time. These two races are a lot of fun. They are cheap too. $65 for an ultra? Where do you find such a race except for the MMT and its siblings (VHTR races).

    I will have a marathon in three weeks in Deluth. I haven’t given much thought to it. I think I have to do some planning. I have a place to stay in Minneapolis but it was not ideal, so I was trying to figure out something closer to the race location like sleeping in the car. Even campgrounds around are full so no luck there. Imagine 30-50 thousands people descend on this small town, all places are booked. What is the population of Deluth? 100 thousands? 85,000. Exactly, why is this race so famous? I thought I picked an out of no where place to run this and later found out every other runners out there want to show up as well. I am hyped though. It is my third and possibly the last marathon for this year unless I go to Ann Arbor in October. I haven’t signed up for Ann Arbor yet.

    As for next year, I already have OBX 100 on the calendar. Officially it is the Black Beard 100, I prefer calling it OBX, because it will be held in Outer Banks, NC. Having done a few ultras this seems to be a low key event.

    I also want to try MMT again. I am debating whether to do both. Knowing me, I will likely do both. MMT is not as scary now compares to 6 months ago. OBX might be a totally different beast — its on roads. I am quite sure, I would not want to sit out for MMT for a year until 2024 to redo it, but running two 100 mile races that close is asking for trouble. OBX is in march and MMT is in May. There are people who had done it, though I am not sure I am like them. There is no promise I will recover after the first race. I do not want to risk failing at MMT again. I think I have a few more months to think about. I don’t know when registration for MMT will open, maybe in September or October. One thing I learned in all these years of signing up for races is that once you committed, you don’t change your mind, otherwise your schedule will be in a spaghetti mess. So, OBX is a definite. I won’t drop that. Whether MMT will too is another question.

    As for my personal life, my phone just died a few days ago and I am in process of transfering many accounts to the new phone. I hit a snag here and there, especially on the ones which I used an authentication app for 2fa login. Luckily my main email and financial service accounts are all good. A few others though I am stuck because I did not make a back up of many of the keys used by the authentication app on the old phone, so I am currently log out of some services, e.g. twitch. I am trying working with them to have my account restored. Some site unless you backup the 2fa, or you lose access to the account forever. They should have said that in bold when I first enable the 2fa (two factor authentication)! Well maybe it is a good thing, because I spent way too much time and money last two years on twitch! You would think if there’s money to be made, they would make it easy for those who are having issues login in? Nope. They likely lose me as a user forever. There is a movement to subscribe offline and I’m leaning toward that. It is to show support for the artists on their platform yet bypass twitch payment system. I’m saying this because I will be “quiet”. Luckily I have access to WP (wordpress). There won’t be any interuption on here.

    Next week I will be volunteering at World’s End so not sure if there will be a post since the internet there is bad. Since now the blog is back to real time, I don’t have much to write about.

    Until next time everyone…have a nice holiday for those in the US

  • Day476 i got this / anticipation

    TL;DR – MMT race plan and bigger goals

    Season 12 has been rough. I thought I would have the perfect season. After 6 years of running, and two whole years of ultra training, that originally it seems I would have the least distractions and I would be well prepared for my 100 mile race at the MMT (Massanutten Mountain Trail) race.

    Last season, I ended my training early due to my mom’s health issues. It led to a DNF (unfinished/dropped) in my final race. In that race, I injured my knee and left foot. I might have gone through some post race blues, and that delayed the start of training for this season until much later in February. Also we had some bad weather days in January, so I missed the first training run (MMT tr 1, and the WTF50 race).

    I came into the season with a vague plan of how to tackle the MMT. Unfortunately on my first MMT training run (officially it was MMT TR2), I injured myself by pulling my hamstring. At the time I didn’t know what was wrong and thought it was just being tired, but a week later, it became severe enough to keep me from walking and running and even laying down was difficult because there was no position that would keep my hamstring from hurting. Don’t ask why I didn’t seek professional help.

    This took about 8-10 weeks to recover. April came around. I was getting better with each passing week. I had to (re)build up my cardio. I ran two marathons: Newport News and Salisbury. I did much better by the second marathon. Since then, it was a mad dash to improve on my cardio and my endurance as much as possible. I ran an 8 hour endurance race night run. I felt I did well. I had a lot of fun.

    As for MMT, I went on the remaining Training Runs (#3 & #4). I DNF’ed on my 3rd but redeemed myself on the fourth. Looking back, the only section I didn’t cover was the first 30 ish miles. I guess, you should always leave some unknowns for race day to have a bit of fun.

    As of today, I feel stronger than ever been since the start of the year. My hammy though has not completely healed, but is around 95-99%. It shouldn’t hamper me. Some days it feels better but on some other days, there is a slight pull or at least a feeling of it. It is like some phantom pain. That is on me of not seeking PT to recover properly.

    I can only run with the body I have as of now and not the body I want to have. During the training runs, I was jealous of many faster (and older) people who have the ability to dash up and down on the mountain and here I was panting.

    My previous concerns regarding the MMT were whether I will make various cutoffs. I finally sat down and calculated the cutoff pace for each section of the MMT. Basically before mile 54, I need to keep a 17-18 min mile pace. It might seem easy on paper, but that has been the pace I am struggling with this whole season. My plan is to give myself about 5 mins at each aid station. After mile 54, I can go at a 22 min mile pace. This is also during the night time. So 22 min per mile makes sense because everyone slows down at night. The final few miles though requires a bit of a faster pace (I forgot what it is, but that part will be on the road). This is for a total 35 hour run. I plan to give myself a longer stop at the night time aid stations. All in all, the total time for all the stops will be around 130 mins and it gives about 33 hours of running. I will try to skip the first two aid stations, so I will make the final cutoff of 35 hours. It is a bit tight. We’ll see. I sat down and planned all these paces but usually on race day will be completely different because we will go according to what the circumstance (and body) dictates. Hopefully, I will be faster at the beginning so to give enough buffers for the night portion.

    My strategy is to go slow in the beginning, but fast enough to make the cutoffs. The point is to get to mile 54. Then hopefully I could go faster after that and the cutoff threat would be off my mind since we have more time to get to the next station.

    Currently the weather forecast is worrisome because it seems we will have some nasty storms heading our way. Both Saturday and Sunday shows rain. Temperature wise seems to be on the mild to hot side. Last weekend we had a cold spell, so I need to plan for the night if the temperature unexpectedly to be colder (imagine 50s and being wet).

    I plan to take the day off work on Friday. I still need to prepare my drop bags. I plan to have about 5, Three bigger ones and two mini ones. The big one will have almost everything. Maybe two pairs of shoes for the drops (one at mile 30 ish and another around mile 65. The small ones will have a shirt and one or two items. Mini is for optional stuff. As for something I still need is food for Friday (lunch and dinner). Saturday morning breakfast / maybe lunch. The rest will depend on the Aid Stations. The Sunday after race lunch and dinner (5-6 meals). I plan to sleep in the forest for the night before driving home on Monday morning. A tent is needed.

    Race checking in time is 1400h on Friday. Race day check in is 0300h on Saturday. I plan to leave for the camp around noon and will be camping out. I have some shopping to do first (for meals). I did my laundry. Still need to Pack and Label my stuff.

    Probably very important is trying to get some weird snacks to keep myself awake on Saturday night. I had a hard time on my last two 100 mile races to keep myself awake at night. I haven’t found a formula that works. In those races, I somehow was able to push through the night, hard it might be. Some coffee beans might help.

    Am I excited? I am hyped. I haven’t been able to sleep the last two nights. Yikes. I think I had some anxiety. I should be fine I am telling myself.

    I have been a bit introspective, like what I have done for my training. I spent a sleepless night updating my journal pages here (WP). I hope they will be of help to someone if they look up my race reports. I don’t doubt whether I have done enough or what I could do better in regard to MMT. I also reflected on my goals.

    One thing on my mind recently is what I want to do after this. A couple of weeks ago, I met a runner, Tek, who had similar goals as mine and she already finished them. It made me question myself whether I still want to do it. I know I will still run in all 50 states but I no longer see it as a life time pursuit as before. Even before meeting her, I already knew I could finish it in a year or two and there was no reason to drag it out to ten or twenty years other than for financial reasons. And I have been thinking about what to attempt next. My goal is a bit different from Tek, in that, I have no interest in getting a grand slam for ultra or to run a 100 mile in every state. I think that is crazy to even try and my ability is way below hers. Unlike her, I don’t sign up for a 50/100 mile race as a training run for another bigger race, at least not yet. There is no easy 100 for me nor is there an easy marathon.

    My focus instead is either to hike the appalachian range or walk/run across the US. I can see I have more than 50% chance of success. I wrote about SubwaySean1, how he is walking across the country and I am tracking him closely. Also there is a local runner, Wardian, who is doing it in the opposite direction started about the same time frame. Wardian is running it around 50 miles a day, so he is expected to finish sooner. I follow Sean closely because he is a twitch streamer and is more interesting to watch. Wardian has a full support crew while Sean only has a baby carriage (self support) for his trek. Sean is nothing close to an endurance athlete, but Wardian is a seasoned ultra runner. This is Sean’s first rodeo and he is two weeks in! Sean’s planning though is amazing.

    Those are the things I want to do, something a little bigger than what I think I can handle but at the same time I think I can do it. If there is a remote possibility I could do it and it is exciting, I should go and do them.

    After a long post, so what, right? Indeed. Nothing will be accomplished unless I go out and do them. Back to why do I like to do them like running a 100 mile? I ask myself the same thing. The closest thing I could get is I like being alone for a long time doing nothing but running. It forces the mind and body to go into a special state that I found very relaxing. It is weird and I can only compare it to worship — I try to avoid using this word for a religious reason, but I think that is the closest I can describe it to be. Maybe more on this later.

    ps: this was originally a scheduled post before my race, but technology didn’t work as intended or maybe it did except I didn’t see it being posted. I knew the internet connection at my race was bad. Sorry, if you receive this a second time. I will have the race report up when I get to it, probably by the next posting