In awe

Category: life

  • Day443 goals self-talk

    My running season is near an end. I have a few more races in the bag before the year ends but I am not that excited about them like I am usual do with my previous races. On a scale 1-10, with 10 is the best, they are like a 4 to me. Yes they are still interesting…but I think I have run just one too many races. It is like trying to eat when you are full.

    What does this mean? I am trying to process my thoughts and emotion. Races used to be super duper good. I used to have that anticipation from six months out, then two months and the week of and the hours before a race. Now, I have to check my schedule every weekend, oh, did I sign up for that? Guess I am going away again. Usually I don’t pack until the last final moment. Don’t get me wrong that I have become jaded, maybe a little, but as you can tell from my race reports, I am still super excited of every single one of them that I had done, like the last EC marathon I ran. It is that, there is so much more “drag” now aday when I prepare for a race, maybe it is a mental drag or resistance to running a race.

    Maybe it is burnout. Couple other runners on a Facebook group page I am part of, posted similarly to what I am experiencing this week. And aha, so am I experiencing it! I am in my 4-5 years of running. I started at the end of 2016.

    For example, there was an annual 10 miler in my neighborhood the past weekend. Usually I signed up weeks or months in advance, this year I waited until the day of and in the end, I did not have the will power to get up to run it. I didn’t sign up, but I could if I really wanted to. This has never happened before to me of skipping a race, since I love racing! Granted, I rationalized that missing this one race was not as important as missing a marathon! But in the past, a race is a race no matter the distance, because I would be just as thrill as running a 30 mins race or a 30 hours race! I did miss that race because I just couldn’t pull myself together to go do it. If I have an opportunity to do a race, I would do it! Races were like a treasure to me.

    I know it is always ok to take a rest sometimes. I am more concern of my inactivity. I wanted to do it but couldn’t will myself into action. Don’t do it if I don’t want to do it as long as I am happy, right?

    Maybe I did not have enough down times or rest between a race to process all my feeling, of all the highs and the lows of running one. Not that races are no longer giving me the trills, it is maybe that I forced myself to forget about them as soon as it is over and move onto the next one immediately and when you have repeatedly doing it week after week for so many times, they all become a blur. I ran like 9-10 big races this year, with possibly the biggest one back in February. Truthfully, I have never truly recovered from it. Physically yes I recovered, but not mentally and emotionally. Not that it broke something inside me, but something indeed is not the same. Surely, I do want to run an epic race again! It is hard to explain.

    Physically, I can run race after race each weekend. We are talking of marathon level runs. But it is also the mental toll – the stress in preparing for the race and also the emotional soup afterward.

    I noted that usually after a major race, I had a crash. Emtionally drained. It is like being in a hard fought battle. This led to a period of a mini depression sometimes. As they say, every high has its low.

    Last two weeks, was like a mentally forced down time on me. I lost all motivation to run after the EC marathon. Again it was not that I don’t like running, but it was because I couldn’t bring myself to get my foot out the door, because I couldn’t get myself off the couch!

    What am I getting at? Training is never easy. It takes effort at least some effort above the normal routine. Once I stayed inactive, it is hard to get back into training. To me, training is like running/going uphill. You beat one hill another hill pops up. You have to keep doing it. But on top this dealing with the after race effect made it almost impossible to do any training.

    I had the postrun problem after the recent marathon in Wiscousin (Eu Claire – EC Marathon for short). EC Marathon did provide that extreme high-feeling-good vibe, but afterward, it was like the tide has gone out. This is not a feeling of depression but a feeling of actually being normal. I don’t think I was in a depressed state. Right? I felt I lived a normal person life for once – waking up, going to work, coming home, and ralaxing by watching ‘TV’ – not really TV per se, but similar, letting the brain rot in front of social media. Knowing too much sedatary is harmful to mental health and my training, but it was too tempting to just do nothing. Social media is designed to draw our clicks and eyeballs! Aptly Facebook was in a hot seat this week with the Senate hearing. I was like that every day after work for two whole weeks! I was in a social media trap and unable to get myself out.

    I guess by me writing out my thought process can help me get back to my training. Over all, I want to reach the end – like in a race eventually, there is an end point. There are several big goals I wanted to reach, such as maybe running a 200 miler couple years from now, and so I need to get to that level of fitness. It means running the races I am doing today.

    In my previous post, I set out my races, my “cornerstones” for next year. I already signed up a few of them for next year. It is like a track that will lead me to an end. You lay down the important ones first and everything fall around them. I think though none of them are likely critical races for reaching the so call “next level” (200 miler fitness). They are like small little ones. Eventually I will get there. It might take couple of years to get there.

    This post is kind of different from normal. It is my self-talk to get myself together. It is like house keeping for my mind. I broke down my goal/plan and remind myself constantly what they were. I likely and hopefully will run until I’m 60 years old or beyond. Yet my best physical condition is probably the next 10 years, even maybe the next 5 years. I am fighting against time too. If I could, I would go all out, that is, finish my 50 states marathon goal in one swoop. However, I am constrainted also by finance. Realistically, I can do maybe 3-4 marathons a year. Even if I double it, it still is taking a lot of time and effort.

    I came up with a plan to break down the next 10 years in 3 phases. It is nothing like rocket science. It is something simple that I think is doable for me. The plan is, using 3 years to save up, and the fourth year, I can go out big abd push for one of those major goals. Then repeat. Next year is the third year of this first cycle. So hopefully, by 2023 or 2024 I can go and settle one of my big goals. This is not just for running. Currently the biggest goal I have is to trek the Annapurna circuit, that was what I really wanted to do after coming back from Patagonia. I want to see the mountains again. Not just any mountains but the massive large ones (that they would call them massif that would take days and weeks to scale). I want to do one thing that is life-chanching and unlike anything I did before. Annapurna is one of them at least to me. I might also do my 200 miler the same year. And maybe too I will reach 50% of my 50 states marathon! Annapurna is in the front. See my bucket list for all other goals.

    I have been asking myself, what am I doing here. What am I trying to accomplish? I know I want to reach my limit and go beyond what I see as my wall. I thinking to borrow a motto from someone: Thinking what is impossible and attempting what is impossible. I didn’t come up with this. I googled, William Carey, a Christian missionary said something similar, you too can google it. I guess it all started from him.

    This requires thinking unconventionally. Sorry this blog is long enough, but my last point is, as I looked back at my goals I already did, I realized at the time they were hard, but I was too conservative in achieving them. I have been taking too many baby steps. Why not just take one giant step? I should always ask myself, even though my prudent mind says this is the time table or solution to achieving this goal, can I push it to be 120% more? Say if I think it will take me 5 years to run all 50 states, is there a way to do it in 4 instead? I am critical of myself of being too safe with my goals. My point is we focus too much on what is feasible and dare not to venture into area where our mind says not possible.

    Though I wrote all these things, but I can too quickly forget them…it all too easy, once I turn away, my mind focuses on something else. Sad. I want to remind myself to push on. This for me to read again and again to overcome whatever is dragging me down and derailing my plan.

  • Day439 Interlude

    My head is swimming with races. I hope I have not bored my readers with so many race reports. Yes, this is not normal, but racing is back in full swing.

    Many of the races that were planned for 2020 finally are taking shape this year or I already did them. As I mentioned a lot already – I ran the Laurel Highlands Ultra. It was a race I was afraid of initially because it was so long. Ya, but I ran also a 100 miler in February that was even longer than that and that seemed like years ago already. Finally, there was the Grayson Highlands Race, a 50 miler that I felt I was not ready for, but finished it.

    Somehow I squeezed in so many other races too, the Catoctin Half 50K and the Iron Mountain 40 mile – it was only 40 miles and I felt it was not worthy to be mentioned here. I missed out Camp Anderson this year. Finally I ran the Rock N the Knob last weekend (a race report to follow soon; written but not yet published), and surely it ain’t Camp Anderson. Oh same for the Senecca Race – it seemed so long ago. I did it. I couldn’t even recall all the races I did – like the Moon on the Falls or Lake Ridge two weekends ago.

    Up ahead I have Eu Claire Marathon in Wiscousin followed by a 50K and will close the year with a 100 miler at the New River Gorge. There is also the Devil Dog 100k to really cap it off, but we will talk about it once that gets closer.

    My friend has been talking about it – whether he will be there at the New River Rim Ultra. He was originally going to pace his friend but his friend is injured and likely would not able to run it. My friend is too fast to for me – and so I am reluctant to ask him to pace me instead of pacing hsi other friend. As pacer you need to find the right temperance and pace – I fear I might be thrown off pace by this friend. Also I have been to the course, it was not technical enough to require pacing.

    Breath. I have been thinking what is next for next year, and that my friends, I will reveal them next month as it has been a tradition of mine.

    Conclusion – it has been an unbelievable year. I got in my goal races and there are just a couple more and we will be done for the year! I am healthy so far. Pray I will be that way till the very end.

  • Day434 New River

    I wanted to use a cop out title Brain Dump 3 / Memory Alpha. Sorry, this is another filler post – skip it if you like.

    Why so many filler posts? I am lazy and have been also busy doing the same thing every day, that is to finish up the Race Back Across Tennessee (GVRAT) the rat race. I have less than 2 weeks to go. It ends at the end of the month. They kind of sap all my mental energy.

    I have less than 150 miles left. So every day I was cranking out about 13/14 miles. Back then – like even a year ago, this is an unthinkable number – no even a month ago I didn’t run that much. I really pushed myself this time.

    Hey, last year, when I looked at people who finished the GRVAT, I was thinking, how some of them were able to pull humongous miles daily. Here I am. I am not like the people at top yet, but I am nearer. I am currently ranked 119 out of like 3000-4000 people who are taking part in this virtual race. Of course, this year there were fewer runners registered. Last year, there were 12000 or more. Might have been as high as 15000 or even 20000 people.

    So every day, I am out on the road, doing my miles. This week was the first time of me running in the rain (this year). Almost every night was raining but one night was especially in the rain. I was lucky the other few nights either I ran after the rain, or rain was light or skipped our area or the rain was about to start but I finished my run. It was not a heavy downpour, but was enough to get a feel how it is like to do it. They say, you got to train in any weather especially the nasty ones. It was not that bad once I was wet. I actually liked it because it was cooler finally! I have been running in the heat ‘extreme heat’ they say or ‘killer heat wave’ as reported in the news. The rain was a relief. I actually ran fast during training that day, which is rare. Usually, I just dragged my feet and took my sweet time in my run.

    So these last 30-40 days, I have developed some habits of running after work almost daily because I can’t affort any days off. And on the weekend, I usually ‘travel’ for my runs. A pretty good habit but also means I have no life.

    This weekend, I am at the New River National Park. I will have a half marathon there in couple hours and also in November I will be doing a 100 miler here.

    This was a surprised half marathon race. I just happened to come across it during the week and I checked it out. The 100 miler has been on the back of my mind nagging me that I need to do some onsite trainings. So the half marathon came at the right time to kick off my lazy training for the 100 miler. Not like I have been slacking on my running but I felt I need to run secifically for the 100-mile race. One thing was to visit the site. So here I am.

    New River NP has been gaining some recognition in recent years and people are ‘flocking’ here to see this new national park. I think President Obama designated it. It has been a best kept secret of West Virginia before then, but now the secret is out.

    This is my first time visiting the New River. Actually, I’m staying at a hotel instead of camping out (as I should be doing both to save money and to be ‘closer’ to nature). Ya, I have been a bit lazy with the camping thing recently. I used be enthusiastic about camping at every (outdoor) places I go. But camping is a lot of work. I rather now to pay someone to have a roof over my head.

    Anyway, finally I got to train on the actual trail for my 100-mile race. I am nervous about the race for same reasons I have been worrying about other races this year. It will be out of my comfort zone in term of terrain, distance, and possibly challenge. I fear failure too. I did fail to finish the 100 mile distances twice last year. No longer do I have the confident to take on any races. Trail races are much harder and demanding. I ran with real trail people and saw how I stack against them. Not good.

    So here I am at the New River, hoping to explore some trails, do some running, and enjoying the outdoors of this new national park.

    Oh by the way, the drive there was long. I arrived at 2 AM last night – It was kind of my fault to leave late. Actually I am not in the Park yet, since I am staying in a ‘cheaper’ hotel that is half hour away. Got to go prep for my half marathon soon. Maybe will write about it next week.

  • Day433 brain dump2

    I had some ideas earlier this morning how I should write. Unfortunately, I can’t recall them.

    I enjoyed my runs. I have been doing some big runs/walks to finish the Virtual Race (Back) Across Tennessee. There are about 250 miles left, and I’m kind of on target to finish (ETA 9/5). I have to finish by 8/31 for it to be counted. So I try to run about 90-100 miles each week. So far, I am on target though it will be hard.

    Long story short is I spent a lot time on the road running the last few weeks and I was usually doing some late night runs. Safety stand point is not good but I enjoy the cooler runs and kind of like being alone.

    Was it tiring? Yes but I am better at it than last year. Not complaining much. The weather was generally more cooler this summer than last year. This week we had couple days of near 100F – hot. Even at midnight, it still felt extremely hot (hovering near 90F). Yes so hot I couldn’t run but only walked. It was only lasted couple days. Generally it was cooler. I got my miles in regardless. No rain so far on my run.

    The first week when I started to ramp up my miles, my feet were swollen after putting in 110 miles. I couldn’t wear my normal shoes. Just want to put it out there. Not complaining. Slowly, my feet adapted to the high mileage. There are nuggets of truth somewhere.

    Why I am doing this? Hard to explain. Those who are not in it can’t relate. We who are running the GVRAT are like fanatics. We love the race. We love going back out every day and get the miles in. Many did finish already and we are excited for each other. A few like me are still struggling.

    What is next? Summer is drawing to a close. Time flies. I am happy even though I was not racing much this month. I did a 5K – the Birthday Bash (Potomac River Running – Shoes store’s birthday). But my long runs have mostly filled up my racing craving! I wrote some about running to the Airport one night, or being chase by a storm on another, or this week – I had a close encounter with death to run right after a storm (by going through a fallen tree with a downed wire underneath). Sorry no space to write about that.

    Oh what’s next? I will be doing the midnight (moonlight) marathon in West Virginia in two weeks. I am hyped! Also hoping to finish the GVRAT by then! After that on Labor Day weekend, I will be running the Iron Mountain Trail Run (40 mile race). I have been waiting to run this race for 3 years. It is happening. With all the training and anticipation, oh I am giddy. Did I mention I signed up for the Devil Dog Ultra – I think I did. Wow, it means much.

    What does this mean? I look toward races like going to a retreat. It is a religious experience for me. I am shaken in a religious sense. I get goose bumps and electric feeling running down my back whenever I go for these long runs. I wish I can really explain or show how that is. Yes, probably I am a fanatic/maniac. I’m just somebody who enjoys running a lot.

    Presently, I am on a trip – a training run for the Iron Mountain Trail. I wish I can share all the high points! Yes, I feel I am on top of the mountain. Literally I was on one. Emotionally too.

    I don’t know how to close this entry without writing more. I looked into my Rim to River 100 Race. And I looked into the Annapurna Trek. All within this week. Basically I did the research that I said I should be doing. I am at a point in life – I wanted to do something big – like how am I different this year compare to before – and I am in a holding pattern at the same time. I need to push myself to the ‘next’ level. I can’t be comfortable at where I am. These trips are kind of like that pushing me higher.

    I have been trying to readjust my blog for transitioning to this new ‘phase’ such as posting only once a week. I changed blog name. I had a new tag (almost is my vision statement). I had a new mission statement. I kind of know what I want to be. Soon I will renumber my blog (starting from Day1 again but Vol 2) – still debating on to do it or not. Obviously I like numbering. I am very anal, but I also seek a new start.

    So I have been day dreaming on what it will take to hike the Annapurna (in Nepal). Who is with me?

  • Day429

    Contentless entry. Writing this more to myself because its another week. I want to keep up with a weekly posting so the blog wouldn’t bit rot. So want to do some computer coding at this moment! give me a math problem so I can pound it out on the keyboard. Wait I don’t even have a computer any more.

    I am on a down week – no trip planned and no anything big planned. A cool lowkey weekend though I want to redo the run I suppose to do last week, which is the true 50K run instead of just 25K at Catoctin. Poll: who think I will go and do it?

    My next race won’t be until August. I should be training for it but … it seems still so far away and I feel I can just wing it.

    It is ok to have an unscripted weekend. I need the time off. Nothing on the agenda.

    I started playing games now. Stardew Valley and Final Fantasy 4. They are old…but I am picking it up now. Nearly 20 hours into it. Yes, more time on it almost compare to working.

    I’m back to being a ‘degen’ – a buzz word now on twitch. I sleep whenever, usually at very odd hours. I am active when when most people go to bed (10pm or later). Maybe it is an excuse for training for night runs. I love night runs.

    Trying to find motivation again to run…where is the flame when I need it. I read from somewhere, motivation comes after we start doing something. The best way to get motivated for a run is to go and run.

    As for closing this entry, I did something positive by thinking a bit of how to train for my November 100 miler. I listed out the things I needed at the aid stations. It was a good start.

    Been thinking on life goals again. I think I have my vision/mission statement, and I have a few intermediate goals. Should I share them? I need to do something big and urgently – I want to go somewhere…like to Annapurna. That’s for now

  • Day426 go go go

    I have nothing to post, but going to post something any way because possibly this will be my last posting before a trip to the Smokies.

    As always what they say, man proposes and God disposes, one of the camp sites where I had a reservation got canceled due to bear activities. Scary. I might seem like an outdoor man but I’m not. How many times have I gone camping? Less than what I can count with my fingers.

    Any way, I called the park this morning and I was able to find an alternate site that is 8 miles away from the canceled one. Not bad. It will be a shelter on the AT. At first, I tried to avoid AT shelters because people snore and there are rats/mice at night. uhh, I know, right? 8-10 people in a dingy three sided house in hot weather. And I haven’t showered for a week? I don’t like sleeping next to anyone, you know what I mean?

    Well they say it is part of the AT experience (Appalachian Trail, in case anyone is wondering).

    I will be the guy hiking to the shelter after dark and make a lot of noise cooking my meal, while everyone’s else try to sleep. I figure, hopefully I get to camp by 9 pm that day.

    —

    This weekend is supposed to be a down time — cool chill vibe weekend. It still is. What’s next?

    Laurel Highlands race was supposed to be the highlight of the year. It took two to three years to get me there. Finally I did it. I hiked/ran the whole thing – in a day (under 22 hours). Wooo. I had in mind 2/3 years ago, you finish one big race and you hang up your cap and that’s it for 2-3 years.

    In the end, it felt just like any weekend. I am neither happy nor sad. Just, I was a bit tired afterward – ya couldn’t move the next morning – but couldn’t really sleep in either — my body wouldn’t let me. Maybe I drank too much Coke/cola during the race, I was up by 6 then even though I had the hotel till noon. After writing up the blog (day425) I decided to grab breakfast then headed back home. It was a long drive and after two hours, I had to pull over to get some close eye because I couldn’t keep them open any more. I did sleep until noon-ish and then continue my drive home. Got home, got things cleaned up and has been pretty much laying low.

    I am totally recovered by now. I have been back to running. Nothing broken. Still can run pretty well. I haven’t tested myself on any longer run than 4 mi. Still, I think I could do it.

    This Saturday, I will be attempting a 20 miler fun run. Sunday, I am doing a 4 mi race with the Potomac River (a shoes store here). I haven’t done anything like that since COVID19 happened. This is my first attempt back into a ‘real’ fast run.

    On the schedule, I have a couple races in July – Catoctin, and Camp Anderson. In August, I have the Moonlight Falls and Iron Mnt. In September, I have Eau Claire Marathon. Something something in October and then River Gorge 100 in November.

    My schedule is pretty stacked. Yet I am not stressed out about them after finishing the Laurel Ultra. It is all perception on how we see time. Happy Holiday everyone, enjoy your weekend…found out we have a new federal holiday today.

  • Day418 Mouth of Wilson

    I might be repeating myself, but I like how goals that seem to be impossible or even unthinkable are suddenly become mundane.

    Why I set those goals? I like to dream to the point of fantasizing. Don’t we all? I dream of running in this place and that place or going to here or there because at the time I didn’t have the ability to do it.

    Like I dream of running in Sydney or in Patagonia or Machu Picchu or in the Grand Canyon. Hey those are still pretty awesome dreams. But at the time, I saw them as if I will never able to do it. I’ve heard from people who did it, and it was hard to relate to them because it was far from my experience.

    Over time though some of those trips are no longer just a dream. I have been to Sydney, Machu Picchu, and Patagonia, and the Grand Canyon. I haven’t race in those locations yet, but to do so wouldn’t be too impossible.

    I was looking over my to-dos list and I was thinking oh how boring is that about some of the things I was so hyped about a few years ago. Some of those things no longer draw me as they did back then.

    I guess my priority has shifted. I don’t know what my current priority is, but I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if I can run around the world?

    I was asked, what would I do if I don’t have to work tomorrow. Meaning no longer having that responsibility of making money. We need money to live. But I am flirting with the idea what if I quit the day job, you know, be like those streamers. Some of them was forced to though. A few of the streamers I follow said they got into streaming because they lost their day job. For me, I was thinking I have so many places to go, and if I am not working, I would be traveling.

    My list was to go backpacking on the Appalachian Trail and then the other big trails like the PCT or the CDT (Pacific Crest or the Continental Divides). Then I would run across the continent and the world. I said, I have the next 20 years planned.

    There is this youtuber who has been biking around the world for the last 10 years. That is just speaking to my soul. Of course it is not easy and I don’t know if I would like it if I am doing that full-time.

    Any way I have to update my goals/bucket list. I forgot what that goal I need to put in. Right Annapurna. I will write on that if it is ever become a real trip.

    Here is one — a few years ago I went backpacking on Mt Rogers and Grayson Highlands. I started running back then but not as crazy as now. It didn’t occur to me then people do run there on the mountain. Later though I found out about a marathon being held there in the spring. At the time I didn’t believe I could do it but I have been watching/following it. Last year I signed up, but with corona/covid19, it was deferred and rescheduled but I didn’t run it. Tada… not counting my chicken just yet but next weekend I will be running it there at the mouth of wilson! It is one of my dreams. It is going to be hard and awesome. 14 hours. I hope I can finish the run within 14 hours.

    Been keeping it pretty low key. I might or might not post anything next week depending how I feel after the race or even before the race. Not sure how much time I have free on hand to post anything. Definitely I will have a race report – that is one of my thing. I got to have it saved. Just not sure when the report will be ready.

    Weather for that weekend though is not looking great. Looking at some cold running and wet probably. So ya 14 hours of that. But anyhow I will run it. I like the name of the place – Mouth of Wilson. Wonder why and who is Wilson? Yes will be on the mountain. Famous really. Virginia highest point! woo

    Also May 1st is the start of GVRAT – the rat race across Tennessee. I haven’t signed up. I am still on the fence. I did it last year and had a lot of fun, but this year, kinda not in the mood for a virtual race. Also, I am still doing the CRAW around the world, so it feels like cheating to double dip. The race permit double dipping, but it is just not settling with me. This is so different from last year, when I got the notification of the race, I signed up the same day and the next moment I was out the door running.

    Until next time…

  • Day417 time pause

    I read a good blog the other day from Isaac Takes a Hike, about his Badger Mountain 100. He shared of the time during the race when he came into an aid station and he was not feeling well at least well enough to continue. He determined not to leave the aid station until he solved his problem. Lucky for him, he managed. Go follow his blog, he is a great blogger.

    I am currently like that. I need to solve my problem quick. I don’t have any motivation to run now. There are races and trainings but I can hardly drag myself out of the bed.

    Don’t do it if I am not into it, is my philosophy. So here I am. I don’t know what is going on. I have been pretty much slacking off the last four months. I am not training as hard as I used to. This week I only run 6 miles. Last week maybe 12, something like that. Today is Saturday, normally it would be my long run. I should be doing 70-90 miles per week. I am not too much into the numbers, but they do show. I am not the same.

    I am questioning why am I even running. Why am I so tilted? Why did I rage quit?

    I need to fix whatever is wrong with my heart and get back out there.

    This blog post was not about my whining. I originally wanted to write considering how lucky I am I haven’t injured myself all these years of running, while people left and right were saying they had this and that. My body has been strong and is very durable.

    My most feared accident in a race is rolling my ankle. I ran myself into a pothole in a 5K race I think in 2018 and ever since, every couple months I would reinjure the same ankle. You say how does one run into a pothole. I don’t know. Cars run into potholes but we as runners should be able to avoid them.

    It was during a race. I saw the pothole, still I ran in and I was like a car, bang, and my ankle turned sideway. I had about half mile to a mile to go, so instead of quiting, I continued running and got to the finish line. Not sure why I didn’t avoid it. And even if I ran into it, it should be big enough, that I could still find my balance. No, my ankle gave out that time. I felt really stupid. I was not an ultra runner at the time. I could only run on super flat surface. Anyway due to my carelessness, that how it all started.

    I have never gone to physical therapy to have it properly fixed, but it is definitely a problem. I was thinking how lucky I was during the last six months and running two long races, never once was my ankle rolled.

    But guess what, last week, I rolled my ankle while doing a local run around the neighborhood. Note it is not the terrain. When the ankle feels like rolling, it will roll (collapse) with no apparent reason and the pain will shoot up my leg and I will go ayaaah and limp around to walk it off. It does not matter how carefully I try to step. If it wants to roll, it will roll. I just have to deal with it. That is generally how it goes every couple months because I think it was never healed properly. Or even when it is healed, the ankle has lost its elasticity or flexibility, so every so often it needs to be pop like knuckles to make it feels great. Rolling is like popping the knuckles.

    Anyway, here is another great blog from your truly. I was going to write that if I don’t do something, it is like the day doesn’t exist. I don’t want to fade away. You know, I write, therefore I am? The title makes no sense. Maybe that is for another day.